Jack Monroe #339 David Attenborough lied about walruses

[BlendedSlop]

You've been single for a while and think it's time to dip your toe back into the dating pool. You meet a new acquaintance at your AA meeting who you initially get along well with.

After your first few casual dates, it becomes apparent that this man seems to be homophobic, has views that are at odds with your liberal nature and is vocally critical of your tattoos.

Do you:

A. Break things off and start looking for someone you're more compatible with.

B. Immediately start referring to him as your "OH" and his family as your "in-laws", set up a joint Google calendar for all the holidays you're planning together, and start trying for a baby/setting up a joint mortgage application.

 

[Pavlova]

I genuinely run a cold sweat when I see them. Always imagine LJC sitting there shaking with fear trying to get it down and look grateful while Jack glared from the other side of the table eating just a banana and saying how she was too exhausted from making it to make herself anything more substantial

I bet every bin in the area was used on LJCs morning bike ride! And the bloody ODAAT Lena Martell song, my nan used to play it about 100 years ago while I little. I am hooting because I always add 'schweet jebus' at the end every time I see Jacksie's tweets.
Evening my lovelies I am on a grunk x

 

[Boogs]

Amazing update! Thank you!
Does anybody have the tinder profile evidence?

I appreciate you may think I’ve got confused and this is somebody else’s profile.

 

[FrumpyCat]

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Maverick Jack gets a tattoo. Most weeks at least one of my lady colleagues in my very mainstream public sector workplace gets a tattoo, and we all gather round to admire it.

 

[Boogs]

Big time texter. Can you imagine? Your phone would overheat and blow up.

 

[OwlRightsReserved]

Big time texter. Can you imagine? Your phone would overheat and blow up.

It's the country music for me that really takes it to 10. Absolutely tragic.

 

[JuliaGulia]

I made a nice grid collage of Jack's power stance.

View attachment 1413979

You can absolutely tell she would have herself on toast if she could in these pics

 

[jenny2603]

Amazing update! Thank you!
Does anybody have the tinder profile evidence?

If you've been away for a few months. Can I recommend another couple of bangers for you.

The great malicious welfare check mystery: Starts on page 49 of thread #320

and the all time classic Georgia Church Suppers thread 292.

 

[TreeTrunksApplePie]

I appreciate you may think I’ve got confused and this is somebody else’s profile.
View attachment 1414767

Why would she not even mention that she’s bi? Or has she just totally abandoned women now? Like gender dysphoria and véganism before

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

I don't know why your post has made me remember this but older frauen may too, the lyrics are chef's kiss for Jack.
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Spoiler: One for the mamapapas x

I feel like the fishy/dishy still gets sung to kids!

The mad thing is this is a really modern book! Maybe it’s a European thing?

 

[OwlRightsReserved]

That article about Jack's terrible performance from the shed has me owl champagning. It's all so absurd.

Spoiler: An Interlude of Walrii

Was browsing Etsy for baby clothes for my niece's newborn, and lo and behold, what do I come across but a walrus outfit? They're everywhere.

 

[StatusWoe]

Amazing update! Thank you!
Does anybody have the tinder profile evidence?

I don't, but here are some other fun chaoses that you might've missed:

Jack Monroe, professional expert, recommended some Eastern European recipe books, including one called Georgia Church Suppers. IIRC she said it was ''a banger'' but of course the cookery book turned out to feature Deep South style cooking from the state of Georgia, not the country.

She birthed a demon creature called The Pumble. It is supposedly an innocuous cross between a pie and a crumble, except her version was formed in the 9th circle of hell and fraus have been valiantly attempting to keep it under control ever since.

Her arthritis (and she has two kinds) was caused by throwing walruses off cliffs. David Attenborough knows the truth.

Um, what else has happened? Maybe someone with a better memory can add to the list.

 

[Jelly Bean]

I wonder if Louisa and Harold not wanting her to get more tattoos was more along the lines of 'Er I thought you said you had no money?' rather than expressing dislike for them.

 

[JombleWomble]

Obviously it didn't happen but I've tried to work out some options here.

Spoiler: Train Chaos Theories

Sorry I don't really art very well, but I hope it's self explanatory.



Screenshot 2022-07-12 at 20.27.14.png

Sorry to bring this up again, but I just explained the hips under a train story to my friend and showed her these beautiful diagrams. Now neither of us can stop laughing and I fear the hilarity of the diagrams has broken us.

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

“A parody of all cooking segments gone wrong”.
( I promise faithfully not to post anymore links but this one is BRILLIANT)

This Morning struggles with 'painful' cooking segment again

This Morning fans have described the latest cooking segment as 'painful' and 'stressful' to watch as Jack Monroe cooked in her shed.

www.entertainmentdaily.co.uk

I made a nice grid collage of the painful lingreenie segment.

I might have done this one before.

I'm sorry, ninnies. No more, I promise. lie

 

[Boogs]

View attachment 1414819

That article about Jack's terrible performance from the shed has me owl champagning. It's all so absurd.

Spoiler: An Interlude of Walrii

Was browsing Etsy for baby clothes for my niece's newborn, and lo and behold, what do I come across but a walrus outfit? They're everywhere.

View attachment 1414813

I need to find someone with a baby I can buy them for. I did meet someone through work last week who became a father of triplets this week. Too much you think? Maybe crossing some boundaries?

Sorry to bring this up again, but I just explained the hips under a train story to my friend and showed her these beautiful diagrams. Now neither of us can stop laughing and I fear the hilarity of the diagrams has broken us.

Did you explain about the unruly labia?

 

[kachoochoo]

couldn't recall seeing the "FUEL by jack monroe" apron before and found this from 2017, which I also can't remember seeing before

anyway, here she is launching the npower fuel bank that she mentioned a few times last winter

it's only 2mins and is *terrible*

 

[Penelope_Ghent]

Im also wondering, given that she is so disabled, whether she is in receipt of disability benefits. She must surely be eligible based on what she has said.

If Jack is then they need to dial it down a bit. Unless it’s the mental health/ND side of things then if Jack does claim for any kind of mobility aspect I think they are knacked. Her ability to yomp to the shops (row, take 25000 steps per day, gym rat) use public transport and manage money would absolutely rule Jack out of PIP. That said Jack noted the other day that when they use the ‘Cally’ *rolls eye* they get a bigger bed beciase they are disabled. It’s really hard to get a disabled persons railcard (I have tried and failed) unless you are in receipt of PIP.

 

[Boogs]

I made a nice grid collage of the painful lingreenie segment.

View attachment 1414823

I might have done this one before.

I'm sorry, ninnies. No more, I promise. lie

I will never understand how anyone could watch her presenting and think yes I think she should have her own show. And they say we’re the ones with collective Walri psychosis

 

[Ostapbender]

couldn't recall seeing the "FUEL by jack monroe" apron before and found this from 2017, which I also can't remember seeing before

anyway, here she is launching the npower fuel bank that she mentioned a few times last winter

Not her fault but the Arrested Development style font against white background has me hooting. This is the story of a wealthy chef...