Jack Monroe #339 David Attenborough lied about walruses

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Boogs

Boogs

Orphan_Black said:
Goddamn that teacher/ceramicist/doctor for not having the balls!
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I’m still pissed off that a woman I used to work with wouldn’t go on a tinder date with a zoo keeper because I was very excited at the thought. Then again I once went on a date with a former Nun because I thought it sounded interesting so maybe I don’t have the best judgement for online dating. Thank duck I don’t live anywhere near Southend. I might have been tempted for tale to share here.
 
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TankGirl

TankGirl

JombleWomble said:
I initially read this as "I need to find someone with a baby I can buy from them" and I was moderately concerned.

Yes, I did. I don't think I'll ever forget the horror on my friend's face when she heard the phrase "unruly labia" for the first time. I don't think I eased her in gradually enough to how alarming Jack can be 😂
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Oh god me too totes misread, toot toots see you all about 2 am x
 
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Nottonightbabe

Nottonightbabe

jenny2603 said:
I wonder if Harold knew he was in a relationship with Jack.
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You do have to wonder?! All this nonsense about them still being friends as well, just like she claimed with LJC. Though going no contact with a narc is the best thing to do, it can be really hard to reach that point, depending on the circumstances, and what you're worried they may do if you suddenly cut contact. Any supposed friendship that is ongoing is likely just her ex trying to softly, gently, quietly get the duck away without triggering an outburst from her.
 
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StatusWoe

StatusWoe

OwlRightsReserved said:
Obviously it didn't happen but I've tried to work out some options here.

Sorry I don't really art very well, but I hope it's self explanatory.

View attachment 1411945
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Sorry I didn't see this at the time! Brilliant. Thanks for being so #forensic.

Just attempted my own version, but my 'artwork' is about the same level as Jack's 'cooking' so good luck figuring it out. Might need to explain a few things.

So this plots the trajectory of Jack, assuming the train platform was sloping downwards towards the train. The pink thing is not an unruly labia, it's a Mediterranean arse. The orange thing is Jack's hair, obviously. The Mediterranean arse is more or less static, but the hair is nomadic. I've given the train some sinister Jack eyes but these did not feature in her original statement. Trapped Jack is not injured; she simply has multiple body parts to account for the inconsistencies in her original story. These include an extra head and some additional thighs.

nightmeatsaviour.png
 
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heretoreaditall2019

heretoreaditall2019

A comment on her Patreon

D3E76F63-7254-4B3E-90BC-33765B0B2548.jpeg


I’m not a subscriber btw it’s trying to incentivise joining with the option to read more content / join in convo
 
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MancBee

MancBee

Boogs said:
PIP is notoriously difficult to get though. People with significant health issues often have to go tribunal to overturn poor decisions.

Maybe she had an assessment, rolled up her sleeves, the assessor gasped in awe and whispered thanks for all you do as they winked at her and stamped and certified that she was the most disabled person they have ever met.
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Non of this should be difficult for Jack, after all, Jack said she has assisted people with their forms, face to face assessments and tribunals. It should be a walk in the park for her (with a walking stick obviously)

If she is being truthful about her ailments, then with her in depth knowledge of the system, jobs a good un.

Speaking as someone that has very recently gone though the process (again). Whilst it was stressful and unpleasant, it was not unnavigable for someone who knows the system. The worst part is actually speaking about very personal illnesses and how they affect you to a total stranger...but Jack would love that. She would revel in a new audience for her sob stories about her aches and pains.
 
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Smeghead

Smeghead

Mr Krabs said:
She went on national telly and told Lorraine viewers to put shampoo in their washing machines.

She revealed she’s on more pills than Judy Garland.

She worked in a brothel, allegedly.

She didn’t turn up for a speaking engagement at Glasto and never explained why and nobody noticed.
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She went on holiday to Venice and took a photo of herself lying on a wall
She started a project called the VBI which she promised to do in a weekend and hasn’t finished 5 months later
She bought loads of spoons and a rucksack of dead pets and animals
She started supporting Liverpool and listens to games on a radio
 
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