Jack Monroe #339 David Attenborough lied about walruses

[JombleWomble]

I need to find someone with a baby I can buy them for. I did meet someone through work last week who became a father of triplets this week. Too much you think? Maybe crossing some boundaries?


Did you explain about the unruly labia?

I initially read this as "I need to find someone with a baby I can buy from them" and I was moderately concerned.

Yes, I did. I don't think I'll ever forget the horror on my friend's face when she heard the phrase "unruly labia" for the first time. I don't think I eased her in gradually enough to how alarming Jack can be

 

[TreeTrunksApplePie]

She suffered “multiple pregnancy losses” over the space of 4 months. Like just the essence of a heterosexual relationship impregnates her. is she trying to imply she’s been lesbian for so long she isn’t aware of commonly used contraceptive methods?

Also how do you have time to suffer “multiple pregnancy Losses” in 4 months?! Does she mean she got 4 periods?

Lies but also insensitive as duck to women who are long term TTC (said as a currently pregnant former longterm TTC-er)

 

[Mr Krabs]

I don't, but here are some other fun chaoses that you might've missed:

Jack Monroe, professional expert, recommended some Eastern European recipe books, including one called Georgia Church Suppers. IIRC she said it was ''a banger'' but of course the cookery book turned out to feature Deep South style cooking from the state of Georgia, not the country.

She birthed a demon creature called The Pumble. It is supposedly an innocuous cross between a pie and a crumble, except her version was formed in the 9th circle of hell and fraus have been valiantly attempting to keep it under control ever since.

Her arthritis (and she has two kinds) was caused by throwing walruses off cliffs. David Attenborough knows the truth.

Um, what else has happened? Maybe someone with a better memory can add to the list.

She went on national telly and told Lorraine viewers to put shampoo in their washing machines.

She revealed she’s on more pills than Judy Garland.

She worked in a brothel, allegedly.

She didn’t turn up for a speaking engagement at Glasto and never explained why and nobody noticed.

 

[Boogs]

If Jack is then they need to dial it down a bit. Unless it’s the mental health/ND side of things then if Jack does claim for any kind of mobility aspect I think they are knacked. Her ability to yomp to the shops (row, take 25000 steps per day, gym rat) use public transport and manage money would absolutely rule Jack out of PIP. That said Jack noted the other day that when they use the ‘Cally’ *rolls eye* they get a bigger bed beciase they are disabled. It’s really hard to get a disabled persons railcard (I have tried and failed) unless you are in receipt of PIP.

PIP is notoriously difficult to get though. People with significant health issues often have to go tribunal to overturn poor decisions.

Maybe she had an assessment, rolled up her sleeves, the assessor gasped in awe and whispered thanks for all you do as they winked at her and stamped and certified that she was the most disabled person they have ever met.

 

[NellieBoo]

I don't know why I put myself through watching her on TV. I'm always shocked at how TERRIBLE she is and a little piece of me shrivels up and dies.

 

[Orphan_Black]

I think she got zero dates out of Tinder. All her matches googled her because she's so full of herself that she can't help but reveal too much info. They all ran for the hills. I mean, ooft, that has to give an ego a beating, let alone a narc-y one. Can't even land a duck boy on Tinder. Ouch. She is throwing another tantrum now.

Whoever last night's performance was aimed at obvs didn't work.

 

[Boogs]

I initially read this as "I need to find someone with a baby I can buy from them" and I was moderately concerned.

Yes, I did. I don't think I'll ever forget the horror on my friend's face when she heard the phrase "unruly labia" for the first time. I don't think I eased her in gradually enough to how alarming Jack can be

Come on they have got 3, I only want 1 of them to dress up in Walri accessories.

It’s just not a phrase that anybody needs to hear or indeed broadcast to thousands on the internet

I think she got zero dates out of Tinder. All her matches googled her because she's so full of herself that she can't help but reveal too much info. They all ran for the hills. I mean, ooft, that has to give an ego a beating, let alone a narc-y one. Can't even land a duck boy on Tinder. Ouch. She is throwing another tantrum now.

Whoever last night's performance was aimed at obvs didn't work.

I would imagine at least one of them was in a WhatsApp group with his mates sharing Twitter links whilst they were begging him to take one for the team and meet her.

 

[NellieBoo]

Come on they have got 3, I only want 1 of them to dress up in Walri accessories.

It’s just not a phrase that anybody needs to hear or indeed broadcast to thousands on the internet


I would imagine at least one of them was in a WhatsApp with his mates sharing Twitter links whilst they were begging him to take one for the team and meet her.

I'm sure if you time it right they'll give you a baby. Triplets .

 

[Lumpyspaceprincess]

I found the tattoo she’s getting…

 

[Boogs]

I'm sure if you time it right they'll give you a baby. Triplets .

No history of multiply births either just a shock at the first scan.

Could you imagine Jack having to look after 3 newborn babies? To be fair I couldn’t do it

 

[jenny2603]

PIP is notoriously difficult to get though. People with significant health issues often have to go tribunal to overturn poor decisions.

Maybe she had an assessment, rolled up her sleeves, the assessor gasped in awe and whispered thanks for all you do as they winked at her and stamped and certified that she was the most disabled person they have ever met.

She said a while back she can't claim benefits due to PTSD caused by having had a spot of bother with her Housing Benefit during the poverty.

 

[Boogs]

She said a while back she can't claim benefits due to PTSD caused by having had a spot of bother with her Housing Benefit during the poverty.

Has she had benefit issues? Oh the poor thing why didn’t she say?

 

[NellieBoo]

No history of multiply births either just a shock at the first scan.

Could you imagine Jack having to look after 3 newborn babies? To be fair I couldn’t do it

I'm not sure I could either. I mean, I suppose you do but just the thought scares me .

 

[Boogs]

I'm not sure I could either. I mean, I suppose you do but just the thought scares me .

I had a breakdown after a long weekend with 1 kitten.

 

[hellosailor⚓]

Hey Jack. If you're reading, I will subscribe to your Patreon* if you get a tattoo saying ~Goo Goo G'Joob~







* Lowest possible subscription level for shortest possible subscription term only. Terms and conditions are expected to be upheld by subscriptor and subscriptee reserves the right to launch landmark liable action to recover content not received. You're a bleep.

 

[Orphan_Black]

I would imagine at least one of them was in a WhatsApp group with his mates sharing Twitter links whilst they were begging him to take one for the team and meet her.

Goddamn that teacher/ceramicist/doctor for not having the balls!

 

[DisgruntledGoat]

duck me https://www.gofundme.com/f/j69q7q-im-being-sued

The fact that this pervy moonface can rake in £000s in minutes and over 700 people are willing to fund Jack’s lavish lifestyle every month genuinely make me question how people can talk about a cost of living crisis with a straight face tbh.

 

[usefullyuseless]

People are so unkind.

This Morning viewers slam food writer Jack Monroe's three meals for £5

This Morning viewers have slammed food writer Jack Monroe's three meals for £5. The activist from Southend-on-Sea, cooked peach and chickpea curry, salmon and pea pasta and mustard chicken.

www.dailymail.co.uk

I took the liberty of screenshotting the tweets for posterity (with added Eamonn)

Spoiler: Big ol' gallery

 

[NellieBoo]

Goddamn that teacher/ceramicist/doctor for not having the balls!

Cowards. The lot of 'em.

 

[Penelope_Ghent]

She said a while back she can't claim benefits due to PTSD caused by having had a spot of bother with her Housing Benefit during the poverty.

Ah this is why Jack regularly helps out people trying to claim benefits such was their success and lack of PTSD.