Jack Monroe #335 Boob, I guess

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panda_eyes

Explaining the cabal is going to be far easier than getting him to do a performative stock take and Asda quest....
 
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moldwarp

Veronicaaa said:
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How gracious of Jack to let us know exactly which items it is ok to steal. I must be sure to keep this tweet in my defence next time I’m up before the beak on a charge. I’ll get off scot free I’m sure.

persistent shoplifting can cause smaller shops to close, reducing availability and choice for people who may not have the time, health or transport means to shop elsewhere. Security guards can lose their jobs over it, that’s minimum wage jobs. But as long as Jack can get tk Southend Asda and they’ve got all her favourite smart price stuff on the shelves, that’s not a problem apparently.
 
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usefullyuseless

I once saw a clearly homeless man steal a bottle of wine from a supermarket. I said nothing. Solidarity, Jack!
 
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Tittykitty

I have found the perfect place for Jack’s next book, in fact if she was to come and visit before publication she would see a lot of poverty first hand. Last week I saw 3 homeless lads discussing the fact that one of them had pooped his pants and his cheeks were “all claggy”, they may not have used this terminology. Also she may want to donate to a local cafe that helps the homeless but can’t at the moment because it was broken in to and some donators have refused to donate because of this.
 

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TheDragonWithAFlagon


Really CBA to grunk any further to see whether she's claiming credit for the current Tory Treehouse of Horror shite, but there's one really important thing she is leaving out of that Welfare Reform bit.


LABOUR VOTED IN FAVOUR OF IT.


It was a Fuck You to the public for voting them out, in my opinion, but it still remains that LABOUR VOTED IN FAVOUR OF IT.
 
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metroglide

Hello hilarious Frauen. Thought it was time to pop in and say hello, after a long lurk. I found the cable a couple of years ago. I didn't even know who she was at that time. I was googling with a view to finding a rescue Maine Coon cat and somehow ended up here, horrified and upset as the whole kitten debacle unfolded. Popped in and out ever since, enjoying the top shelf hilarity while also being revolted by this person's behaviour. Nightmeat has had me properly clutching my sides laughing. Thank space you!
 
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Geetbo

The steel balls of someone who is ripping off hundreds of people every month while still going on rants against the tories is almost impressive.
 
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moldwarp

she accused a woman in a pub garden of stealing her phone. Not direct to the woman but on her blog. That woman might’ve needed that phone Jack to buy , er, baby formula (am I doing this right)? Orrrr maybe you just LOST your phone and no one stole it.

She also shamed train workers for giving her a panic attack or something. And a low level bank employee for not accepting her tattoos as form ID.

Jack is NOT on the side of working people or people who are struggling. She’s on the side of making herself look good on twitter
 
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jenny2603

It's on Mumsnet. A poor mum stole Jacks wallet to feed her little kiddies and Jack went online to ask if she should phone social services on her.

See archived link https://archive.ph/9wIHU

ETA: Jack also went to the police! She's a snitch!

 
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colouredlines

I made a Pumble. Full (long) review below.

First of all, I apologise for the quality of my photos. Unlike Jack, I did not want to make this during daylight hours for the natural light. Please leave me and my obese cat alone.

Lest we forget, this is a pumble:



Jack says:



The published recipe is for pear pumble (this will become interesting later). Jack claims this is good for kids. I am not a mother, but I don't think so - when I was a kid I liked mixing things and decorating things, and the pumble involves neither of these skills, AND requires you to finely slice ingredients. Just make some brownies or cookies or something FFS.

I assembled my ingredients...



...and got to work.



We're off to a bad start. This is a very confusing direction. I took out an old loaf tin and hoped for the best.



Thank yoi for your forensic attention to detail, Jack.



I sliced my pears. It did not take long. In fact, it took me longer to read that paragraph, which is mostly Jack showing off about knowing something a bit sciencey, than it did to follow the step.



My pears looked...large. I sliced them as directed, but I felt that small chunks would make more sense? This does not look like it will be particularly easy to serve and eat. But who am I to question a literal food expert?



I am nothing if not forensic, so I used proper measuring spoons:



There was no instruction to stir things round a bit, so I ended up with my top layer of pears looking like this:



Despite my concerns about excessive cinnamon, I put the pears into the oven and continued.



I am not a beach music festival, so I do not own any plastic shot glasses. I do have some cookie cutters though, including Cable favourites like horses, dinosaurs, and bunnies (RIP):



Neither milk nor oil appear in the meticulous, forensic list of ingredients. I had oil but not milk so I did my best, not wanting flaccid, pale horses (no good for béchamel).



And then I anxiously waited for it to come out of the oven.

Finally, it was time. My pears looked caramelised and delicious:



...no wait, that's just the cinnamon.



My pears had not softened all that much - they still had far more bite than you'd want from a crumble filling. But it was pumble time.



Um.

How horrendously shit does that look?

Jack does not make any serving suggestions, but I accompanied my pumble with some homemade ice cream. This way I would be sure something on the plate tasted good. Plus, it's my ratafia (a Catalan licor) ice cream, and I figured alcohol might help the pumble-munching process.



It was...not great. The pastry tasted like, well, pastry. Because it was not baked like a pie, the pastry had not absorbed any fruity flavour. The pear skin meant there was no way the pears would soften to a crumble filling texture. The top layer of pears was overspiced; the rest were bland. The size of the slices made it awkward to eat. It wouldn't make you hurl, but it's just a bad dish.

My boyfriend said it was the best thing he'd ever eaten and sent photos to his friends' whatsapp group was perplexed. I told him it was a typical English dessert (sorry English Frauen) and he looked unimpressed. He politely ate his portion. Neither of us wanted seconds.

The ice cream? Superb.

Let's take another look at the original:



As you can clearly see, Jack has put a rim of raw pastry on her pie dish and baked it like that - not mentioned in the recipe.

She also names this as BANOFFEE pumble. Not pear. I wonder if she ever actually made the pear pumble. No photos of it exist. There are major structural issues due to the sliced, not diced, pears. It's a really bad recipe.

So how does the SAME photo go from Banoffee Pumble on Jack's Insta to Pear Pumble on her blog a day later? That, my friends, is a mystery...could pears be cheaper to price? Easier to write up? Is she just a big old lying liar who lies?



SHAN'T.
 
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heretoreaditall2019

Veronicaaa said:
She's tweeting about butter.

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@BeautifulTrauma will know this for definite but afaik from fashion store staff are told never to even attempt dealing with shoplifters cos it’s just not worth it on any level, and that’s for items that start in the hundreds and into the thousands… like stock loss is a v normal business cost.

Idk tho maybe Sainsburys have a more robust anti theft policy, as someone will definitely want the Lurpak that had been retrieved from down the front of someone’s joggers so it just makes total sense for them to put store staff at risk for it.
 
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Valiofthedolls

jenny2603 said:
I think we should liberate the three freezers full of nightmeat for the poors.
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I think there are some things that shouldn’t be inflicted on people, and as to any (allegedly) edible item offered to the poors from the shitty hellhouse of slop…

 
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Ostapbender

Amazing. Thank you for your service
 
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Mrs Peel

Hold on a second. Am I reading correctly that someone offered her a movie deal? For her 'rags-to-book deal' story? WHY?!!
 
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Smeghead

By the time Jack’s finished with the poors they’ll have police cautions, broken washing machines from the toothpaste and all their money will be in her Patreon account
 
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Amanda Lin

Slippery slope! You will be rescuing night meat and cooking up Pumbles soon!!!

In all seriousness I also hand write things before typing them up at work. So I salute your style (also child of 70s here!)

She is cosplaying a researcher though, so she needs to up her game with the details and embellishments.
 
Reactions: 30
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