Jack Monroe #335 Boob, I guess

[traumatised sideboard]

Thread title courtesy of @Pocahontas a nice little riff on one of our previous thread titles. You win the bed soup of the day. Or night.

Wiki is the pink button for newbies. When nominating a thread title please use the words 'thread title' and no swearing allowed in them.

In the last thread:

Jack posted a photo of herself working in a hammock, apparently incapacitated with arthritis but able to hold her phone aloft to capture a lovely image of her right nipple. It must have been hot in Southend today because she is thirsty af.

Her promised triumvirate of Monday meetings with the publisher, accountant and Harold seems not to have transpired. We are unsure whether that has anything to do with the stewing of bed soup and oxtails.

Content is still alive.

Tbh I'm further traumatised by the nip, please send additional recap-os.

 

[MarzBarzie]

Your use of the word triumvirate is triumphant. Bravo. If she phones HMRC tomorrow then missing three appointments outta four ain’t bad I suppose.

RECAP

Nightmeat!

 

[traumatised sideboard]

If I'd have known nightmeat was going to take off like this I'd have copyrighted it, or at least turned it into a hashtag.

 

[LennyBriscoe]

Jack is still heartbroken after being dumped out of the blue.

But even more shocking than that, she actually admitted she had been wrong about chard seeds, and…wait for it…she acknowledged that she isn’t a ~literal~ expert in everything. Absolute scenes.

Content ate Jack’s boot (not a euphemism). Don’t worry pals, they were only £150.

We were promised visits from the Accountant, the Publisher and Ex-OH today but instead were presented with Jackie No Bra. What a time to have eyes. Tomorrow is call HMRC day. Go well Jack, go well.

 

[Pocahontas]

Night to meat you, to meat you night. Hope we don’t have a Nightmeat on Elm Street after those scenes on the hammock.

(@traumatised sideboard was it you who coined the term nightmeat?)

eta: Ah, it was. Thanks, I guess?

 

[Boyo]

Night to meat you, to meat you night. Hope we don’t have a Nightmeat on Elm Street after those scenes on the hammock.

(@traumatised sideboard was it you who coined the term nightmeat?)

eta: Ah, it was. Thanks, I guess?

Nightmeat on Elm Street II: Harold’s Revenge

 

[Sideboard Bob]

Freddy Boober, I guess.

 

[traumatised sideboard]

Sorry Poca, this is buttered snakes all over again! I'm going to go and sit in my vegan egg chair and think about what I've done.

 

[Pocahontas]

Sorry Poca, this is buttered snakes all over again! I'm going to go and sit in my vegan egg chair and think about what I've done.

I think you should sit in your vegan egg chair and feel proud of your erudite grasp of comedic language. (tit now I’m scared I’ve used the word ‘erudite’ incorrectly. Don’t put me in the dictionary!)

 

[Shesaidwhat?]

Has any squig pointed out her nipple and her arm are having a spoon on that photo yet?

 

[Phillipa78]

Catching up on today has been fun. The recaps missed out some scatological action, namely that Jack described part of a butternut squash as pooey. I'm assuming she meant gooey but it was a fecal slip.

Given how her food has no texture, I'm concerned at how she must cook them. Perhaps they fester in the back of the fridge prior to roasting? Send toilet/baking paper-os!

 

[Pimpinella]

I have no wish to see slipnip as I am enjoying my bedtime crumpets...if she can get in a hammock she's not that bothered by RA/OA... what will tomorrow bring? Tush flash?

 

[Phillipa78]

I have no wish to see slipnip as I am enjoying my bedtime crumpets...if she can get in a hammock she's not that bothered by RA/OA... what will tomorrow bring? Tush flash?

She's taking off the crocs for HMRC.

 

[Captainmouse]

I have no wish to see slipnip as I am enjoying my bedtime crumpets...if she can get in a hammock she's not that bothered by RA/OA... what will tomorrow bring? Tush flash?

She will use a huge amount of her mobile call allowance on hold to those that must be obeyed

 

[NellieBoo]

She waxed lyrical about a tray of AMAZING seedlings that sprouted up within hours on her windowsill in the warmest/coldest/sunniest/draftiest spot on the crappy bungalow. Gardener Jack appeared. And there was much talk with the squigs about whether it was chard/radish/broccoli. A gardener Frau pointed out it was MUSTARD CRESS . The type you buy in a little tray for 50p .

She lounged in her hammock doing 'light admin' while taking selfies with her nip out. Light admin turned out to be, yet again, an absolutely bleeping useless random shopping list under £20 and an even more useless stock take. No meal plans. Nowt to actually help anyone do anything meaningful to feed themselves or their family.

Can't grate cheese due to bigly paineos in hands that seize up. She may or may not own a food processor that can do that for her (she does) and that would mean she could buy more cheese for less.

But then, she can spend the weekend mending fences, building rose arches and planting poisonous plants to dogs and cats. So who knows?

Still not paid her taxes. Still ignores any criticism about her patreon/website/tip jar. Still utterly bleeping hopeless on all SM platforms.

ETA missed out CHEESE GRATING

 

[Emmapism]

If I'd have known nightmeat was going to take off like this I'd have copyrighted it, or at least turned it into a hashtag.

How do you think I feel about 'that's amole'? #pleasesubtomypatreon

 

[Jelly Bean]

Can't remember how recently it was she removed 'working on Vimes Boot Index' from her twitter bio. And never mentions it.
So presumably it has gone the way of the 100s of other things she shows momentary interest in then discards.

 

[jenny2603]

Can't remember how recently it was she removed 'working on Vimes Boot Index' from her twitter bio. And never mentions it.
So presumably it has gone the way of the 100s of other things she shows momentary interest in then discards.

Poor VBI sitting alone listening to Taylor Swift and pining for Jack. It should whip out a nip and sign up for Tinder. #SexVBI

 

[Orphan_Black]

 

[Beggy Slopgibbon]

Wish I could tit about on a hammock in the garden on a Monday, but I've got a job, to earn a living, so can't. I'm also working ( at home) with covid (on day 6, still feeling grotty). No performative grifting for me in the sunshine!!