Jack Monroe #325 She facetuned THE SKY

[Valiofthedolls]

Yes Jack, you’re missing this absolute banger of a book chock full of banging Church Suppers, from the simple peasant folk of Santa Barbara, California, a tiny hamlet which is, as you know, located in the olive-groved shadows of Mount Olympus

 

[Captainmouse]

Going back to previous thread (I’m behind) and the reference to the bread knife, for the newer fraus' the horror of mackies knives

Jack Monroe #206 I wouldn’t trust her with a spam fritter

I thought she started her career when she got a book deal for some recipes in a newspaper and the whole thing was that she was a poor single mum, and there are pictures of her and SB looking very thin and worse for wear, living in a cold house etc etc? Oh I've been here like a whole year, I...

tattle.life

 

[CabalofBolorneaise]

My crappy Victorian terrace was an E.

Because there was no insulation. None. In a house with an attic bedroom, which was so cold in winter it was far below the legally required limit and fell into the “extreme cold” category. Also has a cellar, a boiler that needs upgrading as it breaks every few weeks, radiators also needed doing, and probably 2/3 other things I’ve forgotten that made it such a tit rating.

Has owned the house for 25 years, is SHOOK that it needs sorting out.

Gas was £250 a month in winter, prior to the rises.

I am confident enough to wager that most terraces have crappy EPCs for the same reasons, tbh.

D is the average for terraces around here. It's going to really hammer the rental market if/when the C minimum comes in (it takes a LOT of work to get them up to a C - even cavity wall insulation, loft insulation and double glazing doesn't get them there half the time) and is going to likely lead to people being made homeless. Jack's not crappy bungalow has way more potential to get there easily enough I'd guess.

Terraces are of course more common in deprived areas, so it's something Jack could really get her teeth into if she, you know, actually cared about people in deprivation.

 

[encore]

Imagine the irony if the landlady sued for libel

 

[Captainmouse]

Wasn’t she counting down the hours until she could move out of the eternal tenancy agreement?
and given her desire to keep things on good terms with the landlady why would she tweet about this at all, especially given she knows so much about everyone else’s rights. I can’t see why she would need to take this to Twitter instead of perhaps engaging with her landlady, the letting agent, even asking citizens advice.
oh she’s a bleeping dick head.
ETA how nice for her that she has a 120ft garden which doesn’t encroach on her or any of her neighbours houses.
she has zero self awareness

The squigs are as blind as bats she states how big her garden is, how much the house is worth, how much she has paid in rent, how on earth do they even imagine she is poor??

I’m just going back to this tweet. I’m sorry if this has been said in the last thread but I didn’t read much of it.
a couple of weeks ago she had a Very Important Appointment which resulted in her having a soft credit check to be told she wasn’t able to secure a mortgage.
just before that she had been turned down for a broadband contract.
she says here the house is roughly valued at £800,000 and there’s no way she could get a mortgage for that, but if it was valued a third less than it is she’d buy it in a heartbeat.
given what she’s said about ineligibility for a mortgage, could one safely assume she has a little bit put by?View attachment 1352550

Well that’s a load of sb doesn’t live there, he very occasionally visits

 

[jenny2603]

“Press, please don’t run this as a story”. FFS Monroe you jumped up little tit, there are slow news days, and there’s “jumped up slop slinger makes a huge song and dance about a tree” levels of banality.

I think you’ll be ok, pal. The “press” will be contacting their gumshoes for stories about the goat who ate a pair of bloomers or a duck with a funny quack before they get to this made up tale of drama from a tedious nonentity. Have a lovely evening! x

View attachment 1352687

Mr T Roll, if you're reading please issue a press release and inform Evil Landlady.

 

[veronica71]

ETA: sorry, did a chaos - thought "want" said "went." Send reading glassos

View attachment 1352698

It is a lot of money…. More than I’ve earned in my lifetime due to ill health and disabled kids

 

[Boyo]

Eucalyptus haze, all in my brain
Lately things they don't go my way
I’m actin' funny, and they all know why
Excuse me while I facetune the sky
Eucalyptus haze, all around
Squigs don’t know if I'm up or down
I am both happy and in misery?
What ever it is, that grift’s put a spell on thee
Help me
Help me
Oh, no, no
Ooh, ah
Ooh, ah
Ooh, ah
Ooh, ah, RA no!
Eucalyptus haze, a fight to have
Landlady’ll regret taking on this chav
She’s got me blowin', blowin' my top
Is it tomorrow, and the tree’s for the chop?
Ooh
Help me
Ahh, yeah, yeah, eucalyptus haze
Oh, no, oh
Oh, help me
Tell me, tell me, eucalyptus haze
I can't go on like this
(eucalyptus haze) you're makin' me show my hand
eucalyptus haze, n-no, no
(eucalyptus haze)

 

[LennyBriscoe]

Ah I expect all these passing tree surgeons just want to inform her it is the healthiest tree they have ever seen, presents no problems and on no account should ever be cut down.

…whilst attaching a plaque saying “To thank Jack for all she does, anyone who even suggests it should come down will be swiftly kicked in the shins. Yours Mr Twig, Special Branch”

 

[CupofMintTea]

I can't believe this is what's brought me out of two years of dedicated lurking, but I couldn't let this go...wasn't Big Dave in the local paper last month complaining about trees being cut down??

(Thanks for the laughs Frauen and Herren, you're an incredible bunch)

 

[spoonful_of_Lucy]

Monroe's recipe bookshelf is very tryhard fake with so many unread tomes.... any time I see her collection I think a high-end hipster Covent Garden bookshop would be well jel of just how pristine she keeps them - not a bent spine in sight (arthritis brace joke non withstanding, I recall what trouble she had on public transport, having spent her "career" distancing herself from the public)

I bet if you tweeted at her about it, she'd claim to have loved the Anarchist Cookbook

Ohhh I LOVE that booko I have an original edition SOoo VINTAGE #BOOTSTRAPANARCHIST. Great scones! My #OH (other hand so it feels like a stranger) abides by it!!

 

[Knit one Pearl one]

honestly, it's just all made up, isn't it? I sincerely doubt anyone's turned up without prior notice (and on a saturday!) to talk about cutting down a tree

also, dunno about anyone else, but we've never had any contact with our letting agent since we picked up the keys. if anything needs doing, the landlords get in touch and there needs to be 24 hours notice of someone attending, unless it's an emergency. but, with jack, it's *always* the letting agent

and "passing tree surgeons" coming knocking is just the icing on the cake

I'm convinced that these little stories she comes up with are purely to duck with us and, tbh, it's mildly entertaining on a dreary saturday with nothing else to do

What is it with these people! Seems as if they'll use any excuse for the chance of a selfie with our St Jackie, the patron Saint of Slop.

 

[Ostapbender]

Ah I expect all these passing tree surgeons just want to inform her it is the healthiest tree they have ever seen, presents no problems and on no account should ever be cut down.

Jack pulls a few strings in the Fire Service. Big Dave and the boys come round to vouch for the tree and declare it non-hazardous

 

[LennyBriscoe]

If Jack and Evil Landlady don't speak, does Evil Landlady just put up huge letters in her window saying things like NO MO RE VIS IT ORS that Jack can see when she takes the bins out?

No
Mo
Re
Visi
Tors

 

[Lazarus]

 

[NellieBoo]

Imagine the irony if the landlady sued for libel

Only yesterday she posted on the internet that her son's teachers follow her on twitter. Her landlady must have the patience of a saint. I'd be knocking on her door, telling her to behave her bleeping self.

 

[HarryPotHead]

View attachment 1352795

Liar Liar pants on fire Jack

 

[Lumpyspaceprincess]

Paid £60k in rent in 3 years but only earns minimum wage

 

[Sideboard Bob]

…whilst attaching a plaque saying “To thank Jack for all she does, anyone who even suggests it should come down will be swiftly kicked in the shins. Yours Mr Twig, Special Branch”

“Special Branch”

 

[Lurkeryaar]

View attachment 1352795

550k mortgage in a couple of years?! Guessing the hefty loan means something from the Bank of Mum and Dad...