Jack Monroe #325 She facetuned THE SKY

[NellieBoo]

It's standard in a tenancy agreement for a property with outside space to have a clause about keeping that space in good order. I don't know why she's commented on that, like she has . No one is trying to trick her ffs.

 

[DinosaurSenior]

Oh Vlad. Also, the words "Stump Grinder" make me laugh

 

[Falkor]

It is an E (not far off a D)

Thank you, that's interesting - I think Jack's said in the past it's single glazed, so probably replacing the windows would be a big chunk towards a C. Might not be as expensive as I thought to do.

 

[BlendedSlop]

But I thought the mortgage appointment a few weeks ago was just a practice run?

ETA: sorry, did a chaos - thought "want" said "went." Send reading glassos

 

[Lazarus]

“Press, please don’t run this as a story”. FFS Monroe you jumped up little tit, there are slow news days, and there’s “jumped up slop slinger makes a huge song and dance about a tree” levels of banality.

I think you’ll be ok, pal. The “press” be contacting their gumshoes for their stories about the goat who ate a pair of bloomers or a duck with a funny quack before they get to this made up tale of drama from a tedious nonentity. Have a lovely evening! x

BIB. Could you bring this back to light in about 35 pages time?

 

[Vanelope]

Do you guys not have gangs of tree surgeons roaming your streets knocking on your door like Mormons? Honestly, I get it all the time. Can’t even take a bath without getting out three times to answer the door to those pesky tree surgeons trying to drum up some business.

Tbf there are a lot around us - we live in a village with quite a few big houses dotted around further out - a lot of trees. We get leaflets.

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

Is the back garden actually 120ish feet long?

It could be, it's described as 'very large garden' and is wider than a neighbours.

 

[BananaSmith]

Grunking but didn't expect Koala Jack to make her first appearance!

Toot toot.

 

[Onestorytoomany]

So telling 5000 people on public twitter which probably has some lurking neighbours on, is ok? But not the press. Mmm'kay

 

[bladiesla]

And she has no right to lead the Jackolites to draw incorrect conclusions about her Landlady's financial standing.

Her landlady must luuuuurve that her tenant with the mahoosive following is discussing financial details regarding her property....It really shows how Jack Monroe can't behave responsibly online. She never cares about creating pile ons.

 

[colouredlines]

honestly, it's just all made up, isn't it? I sincerely doubt anyone's turned up without prior notice (and on a saturday!) to talk about cutting down a tree

I'd say her sudden decision to mow the lawn was probably inspired by the letting agent telling her a tree surgeon was coming round.

Or, for another theory, the tree surgeon has been lost in the undergrowth for weeks now, surviving on the second-hand slop that OH and SB secretly toss out the window, and the lawnmowing session unearthed him.

 

[fairylights2000]

Lool “a street of detached houses very well spaced out” aka duck off pov this is a Southend palace we’re talking about not a terrace

View attachment 1352601

Eyeroll react when

Surely if it's 100ft tall it will cast some shadow over the neighbouring gardens, she is mithering

 

[WTFDidIJustSee]

Can anyone who knows the address of the bungalow look up what the EPC is on here? https://www.gov.uk/find-energy-certificate

From 31st December 2025 all new tenancies have to have an EPC of C or better (there are a few exemptions, such as listed buildings) and ditto for existing tenancies from 31st December 2028. Given what Jack has said about the house, I'm guessing it's an F, possibly a low E, and the landlord doesn't want/can't afford the expense of getting it up to a C and is going to sell while the market's hot. A LOT of older rental stock is going to be excluded from the rental market in three years' time, meaning rents in areas with high levels of Victorian terraces are going to go up as the number of eligible properties goes down.

My crappy Victorian terrace was an E.

Because there was no insulation. None. In a house with an attic bedroom, which was so cold in winter it was far below the legally required limit and fell into the “extreme cold” category. Also has a cellar, a boiler that needs upgrading as it breaks every few weeks, radiators also needed doing, and probably 2/3 other things I’ve forgotten that made it such a tit rating.

Has owned the house for 25 years, is SHOOK that it needs sorting out.

Gas was £250 a month in winter, prior to the rises.

I am confident enough to wager that most terraces have crappy EPCs for the same reasons, tbh.

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

I haven't looked at the house online for a while but seeing the pics again remind me that is a really lovely house. It definitely needs some modernisation internally regarding the energy system but it has huge rooms, many rooms, period features and of course the lovely big garden. If LL sells now she will get close to if not just over 1 mil. The location is ideal too. Clueless spoilt brat Jack. I grew up in a dingy inner city flat with no garden and drug addicted neighbours. Such a great place for a child. Jack's a bleep, she was lucky to get that rental approved.

 

[Captainmouse]

Lest we forget the sprigs of eucalyptus hanging in the shower. It all tracks (for once ).

But didn’t someone decide that eucalyptus had come from her floral subscription?

 

[DinosaurSenior]

If the house did belong to the landlady's mother, and was last sold 21 years ago, could this mean that the landlady is quite young? I wonder if that pummels Jackie's pumble?

 

[Monochrome Muse]

Lads, lads, I hope The Mail or Guardian don't see this, but I've come up with a top grift!!! This is brilliant, and everyone's gonna clap - I'm on this hell site I found where you can mindlessly post any old tit and get away with it being a fact so likkle old pixie me thought ~I'm gonna wind up my letting agency and landlady with some tit about a tree I only noticed today and how my and my son's mental states are being affected by it's forthcoming removal and get EVICTED! ~ I can't lose! #squiggles #patreon #jacksacunt #unhappyeverafter
xx

Ah, I didn't grunk, the canal are all over this already, natch

 

[spoonful_of_Lucy]

She's the acceptable face of the poor to evil Tory rulers with silver spoons

Serves up beige dreck without nary a word about nutritional content, calories nor health.

Packages crap, in other words. What food crisis? Jack is tweeting about putting Haribo in kettle Kung Po!

Lucy's (my avatar) heart goes out to anybody suffering an out of work period. Been there, but Monroe is the worst kind of poverty tourist: the kind who monetises it.

No skills, no authenticity, no talent, no point

Oh our first post here Luce. It's gonna get fun!

 

[Ostapbender]

Silly

Spoiler: Australian Jack

Scenes from the outback of Jack's back garden, stretching as far as the human eye can see (120 feet)

A noble EUCALYPTUS awaits the knife

An Australian JACK mows the lawn furiously by hand, like Judy in Seven Little Australians

Smolpixie JUDYJACK considers drafting a strongly worded letter to the council

SB and Jack's new PET look up at the tree, gently saddened by the prospect of its loss

The NEIGHBOURS are pleased at the tree being cut down. Because it will spite Jack #evil

Jack's LANDLADY watching from across the street

 

[DinosaurSenior]

Grunking but didn't expect Koala Jack to make her first appearance!

Toot toot.

Pls pls pls can someone make this? That, or David Bellamy Jack, in the undergwoth