Jack Monroe #317 Poverty Contrepreneur

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Jack’s Life!
I slept with a slow cooker full of slop for WARMTH
Dr said I was ALLERGIC to TOMATOES 🍅 but it was a LIE
DUMPED by top footballer after DANCING round a school kitchen- he never replied to my tweet
 
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Can't afford butter, but I hoard clutter.
Hot and wild, my dirty night with a tin of sardines.
I had no telly till I plugged it in.

Sorry last ones!
 
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I forgot it was patreon pay day today. I bet she got a fancy dress! Or she could just wear the grey pov jumper again
Sorry super behind but sadly not quite yet, we’ve had the tell tell -1 at approx 11.50am today so it may be at some point tonight? Whoever catches it first feel free to do the calc (subscribers*3.50)*0.88 - sorry won’t be able to do the full breakdown til Monday 😭 but hoping for a big drop as she’s gone on about money a LOT this month?
 
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I’m surprised she didn’t claim to have called the Fire Service out to winch her out of the dress, that’s the level of drama I’ve come to expect.

Snort laughing at the Take A Break story titles, never regretted my lack of creativity more than I do right now. I salute the Fraus coming up with them. Brilliant. Nurture that talent and one day you’ll all be successful authors like Jack.
 
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It's horror movie stuff.
It’s the overwrought doom which gives her away in the end, though. Like when RSM wrote about nipping out the car to get cash from the atm and it was all like “swarthy, dark-eyed men focussed their eyes on me. One, holding his knife aloft, it glinted in the evening sunlight which was rapidly fading as night fell....” she bleeping walked past a kebab shop, the batshit racist.
 
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It looks like it’s over and it was a 7pm start. It’s on YouTube and I just skimmed through and couldn’t see her, but I may have missed it I guess? Imagine if she got the time wrong or just didn’t turn up and will use the dress excuse. LJC.
Wrong day, wrong time, wrong venue, tile on the train. place your bets
 
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It’s the overwrought doom which gives her away in the end, though. Like when RSM wrote about nipping out the car to get cash from the atm and it was all like “swarthy, dark-eyed men focussed their eyes on me. One, holding his knife aloft, it glinted in the evening sunlight which was rapidly fading as night fell....” she bleeping walked past a kebab shop, the batshit racist.
“Swarthy” omg LOLing at your rendering of this. These people are just off the reservation aren’t they.
 
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“Swarthy” omg LOLing at your rendering of this. These people are just off the reservation aren’t they.
She did call they swarthy or dusky, it was so offensive. Imagine! A brown skinned man, with a knife. In a kebab shop. Where he works. Looking at women in the street in a menacing fashion! Calm down Lady Roadside, it’s not the 18th century. He’s just shaving the doner.
 
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@HotesTilaire has it exactly, it was mortifying! Giving off about them not speaking English etc. OT as RSM but I do feel like Jacky and herself are middle England peas in a pod in that respect
 
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Every Jack thread should have had a Take a Break-style title. 317 missed opportunities...

Love at Last: I Slipped Him A Smartprice Sausage And He Returned The Favour!
I’m hooting. I think you are more channelling a daily sport type headline. Like I shoved 344 inexplicable creme eggs up my arse type headline

I won AWARD for being GAY but I'm back on the BOLLOCK SAUSAGE
Too early but I’m howling at this! Send oxygenos
 
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I’m hooting. I think you are more channelling a daily sport type headline. Like I shoved 344 inexplicable creme eggs up my arse type headline


Too early but I’m howling at this! Send oxygenos
Catch the b*stard who shat in bags in my rental house
Aliens turned my son into a FISHFINGER which I made into LASAGNE
 
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Did she go quiet at the last awards ceremony or live tweet it/regular updates from the lav?
Has she fallen asleep on the train and ends up in Edinburgh and might aswell stay for a short break?
 
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She did call they swarthy or dusky, it was so offensive. Imagine! A brown skinned man, with a knife. In a kebab shop. Where he works. Looking at women in the street in a menacing fashion! Calm down Lady Roadside, it’s not the 18th century. He’s just shaving the doner.
“Shaving the doner” - my new new Tbilisi collard greens / pumble 👏👏👏
 
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I lie - for a LIVING!
My teacher said I’d only be good enough to flip burgers - I had the last laugh!
Dressing up as Mary Poppins for my ex was one of my favourite things - but she LEFT
 
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