Jack Monroe #317 Poverty Contrepreneur

[Toffee finger]

Someone has just liked a post of mine from thread 31. I’m cringing at my 2 years ago self where I was kindish to Jack. I can’t edit it now so I’d just like to retract a lot especially the part where I said “I’m genuinely sorry you are having a shitty time”. Since the kitten happened I’m not sorry at all and any sympathy I felt has long gone. Thankspaceyou

 

[Brian Butterfield]

**Paging Jack Monroe**

 

[colouredlines]

Every Jack thread should have had a Take a Break-style title. 317 missed opportunities...

Love at Last: I Slipped Him A Smartprice Sausage And He Returned The Favour!

 

[BlendedSlop]

You're going to protect your next child (not even getting into how grossly irresponsible it is for you to be even considering this given the absolute chaotic mess that is your life at the moment) even more ferociously than you did the first one?

The one you apparently allowed to go cold and hungry, despite having a loving support network around the corner, because of your pride and twisted need to exact some kind of revenge on your parents for not giving you enough attention? The one you splashed all over the media when he was barely old enough to talk in order to jump-start what passes for your career? The one whose "smeggy underwear" you tweeted about to half a million strangers? The one who you've admitted reads the triggering, highly personal stuff you splash online? The one who just two days ago you were considering giving access to your social media accounts, despite allegedly receiving daily threats of rape and torture? That one?

Absolutely fuck off. I'm going back to bed.

 

[Brian Butterfield]

 

[colouredlines]

Can we all agree that bodies, especially female bodies, carry weight in different ways and this can be really quite shit and beyond our individual control?

But on the other hand, something that IS within all our individual control is WASHING OUR FUCKING HAIR.

 

[Mr Krabs]

She lives her life as if every moment has to be a cover story for Take A Break magazine.

Many threads ago I wrote some potential stories that Jack could pitch to Take a Break. Re-reading them has made me realise I’ve forgotten many of these chaoses.

Spoiler: Take a Jack

Gun Horror: Walk on the Beach Turned to Deadly Siege
She Left! Ex Stole My Tins and Then My Heart
So Poor I Was Forced to Rinse Beans
Double Trouble: Sofa Company Delivered My Sofa… and then Another One Showed Up!
Forced Out of Job Because of Trouser Allergy
I Walked with a Cane and Now I Run Marathons!

 

[Brian Butterfield]

Welcome to thread 317 of our favourite poverty contrepreneur, Jack Monroe!

Thread title from Frau @Hunsgraveyard and nominated by mithering ninny @Boyo.

I could do a thread recap but I SHAN'T because I am so very TIRED. Send sleepos.

Wiki is the pink button at the top for any new lurkers.

Carry on mithering

 

[Ostapbender]

Ohhhhh TD, hello

 

[colouredlines]

View attachment 1310210

I hope we get a TRAIN CHAOS

Top tip for you, Jack:

Recently a crack team of nerds invented this thing called a computer. You can save your recipes on that, do a backup, and no need to trawl through the thousands of sideboards to find a single manky recipe card. You could even add a clipart dragon. HTH!

[THE AWKWARD BIT]

My tips are completely free so that they can be a useful resource for anyone who needs them, and they always will be, but they do of course incur costs to run and keep them running. If you use them and benefit, enjoy them, and would like to keep them going, please consider popping something in the tip jar -ONLY if you can afford to do so – and thankyou.

 

[Pocahontas]

‘Please look at this photo of me as a child and tell me I was cute, and already a warrior queen who thought of nothing but helping the poor.’

Ask, and squigs shall deliver:

 

[colouredlines]

Take a Break Jack is so much more fun than Real Jack. She should have her own thread in the Rave section.

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

Patreon payday is upon us -

£2.2k minimum with 717 subscribers. Can’t stress enough how very very likely it is to be a higher number than this

 

[Satisfying Click]

Queen's edition, peasant's edition? Nice

The woman who won the competition created what looked like a lovely trifle, how bloody mean-spirited of Jack, it doesn't need her bullshit costings and substituting ingredients with lard and brillo pads.

 

[Limey]

Excellent subtweet here:

 

[PoorPatrol]

I sometimes forget why she angers me so much. She appropriates so much of what I actually am. Joint pain and chronic illness frau over here. Plus, I’m NC with a fair few narcs, so am well and truly triggered.

Steroid injections for joints do NOT cause weight gain like other steroids. They are also very painful and you’re pretty much out of action for a day or so after, and then, all being well, you feel better than ever (until it all comes back). There’s no way that this charlatan-munchausens-grifter, who Tweets every miserable thought in her head, didn’t mention having them. Also. Southend hospital is pushing against some horrific backlogs, and I doubt she’d have got a look in. Prove me wrong, pal.

Has “literal food expert” Jackie, who can’t make béchamel or cut an onion, considered that perhaps her shit diet is the cause of weight gain? Same as it’s the cause of her manky teeth. Laying in bed at night eating a load of bollock sausages and maize snacks, and hardly going out with her son = you’re likely to gain weight and end up with rotten teeth and gums.

 

[Shimmering]

Curious as to how you submit hand written edits one minute before deadline? Do you catapult them through your publisher's window?

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

Didn't grandad's orange pan get nicked during the shed burglary?

 

[bladiesla]

I personally don't care much for comments on her appearence, apart from when it's about picking holes in her stories. Sometimes she looks nice, sometimes she doesn't. My beef with her is her grift and bandwagon jumping

 

[Marmalade Atkins]