I think you've hit on something here, and I'm going to file it to think about later, or chat through with a friend. I think one of the things that has needled me so much about this site is the imprecision of some of the allegations made. It's like lighting a rocket under me, reading things that are inaccurate about me, my son, my family, etc, actually makes me feel wild. And I hyperfocus on it, and I guess that's why I'm here.
I get that your broad opinion of me is that I'm a twit. I had a good thing, I flaked out, I fucked up, I lashed out, I'm a dick, etc. I can handle that. I don't expect anyone to like me - I'm always genuinely surprised to have actual real life friends (and I do, long term no bullshit good meaningful friendships, I know some people here have expressed concern about that in the past so just to clear that up) - but I do have a real issue with being lied about. Even in jest. Even as conjecture. And I focus on it, and the need to correct it, clear it up, etc, to the detriment of my own mental health and wellbeing.
I am - despite all of the ridiculousness and the madness and the general bollocks - fairly self aware. I know where I fall down. I know where I get things wrong. But this is interesting to me, I guess, and I'll take it away and probe it a bit, away from here.
Now I really am going to do some work now, but I might be back later. I'll see how I feel. I've no interest in staying here as a permanent fixture, making everyone feel a bit itchy. I guess I just had some things to say.
No need to be embarrassed, I'm not!