I've been thinking of writing this for a while but a virtual meeting with my manager this morning made my mind up.
I've been off work since March, first with sick leave, then special leave, then off sick again. With help and encouragement in regular telephone calls from a support worker from a charity, I finally admitted to the Occupational Health doctor last week that it was my job that was making me ill and severely impacting my mental health, to the point of crying at the thought of going back, self harming and feeling sick at seeing an email from management. I'm a square peg in a round hole, without the skills needed to do this type of management analysis work while I can happily read a government report and write my own report to the board on how this could affect us and outlining things to be aware of and ways forward. The OH doctor recommended management find me an alternative post and won't let me back to work until then. My manager was incredibly supportive this morning and we have another formal meeting with HR and the union on Thursday. She's going to help me fill out all the forms with my skills and contact managers around the organisation to tell them that I'm available to be snapped up! There are actually a couple of jobs recruiting at the moment so I'm keeping my fingers crossed. She did say that I was like a completely different person this morning without that huge weight on my shoulders, back to laughing.
The point is, that like Jack, I'm currently in a role that I'm not suited for, and the constant pressure led to stress, forgetfulness, odd behaviour and damned near breakdown. It took a lot to say that I needed out and that my skillset didn't fit the job, but it had to be done. If I can go back to working with words rather than figures, liaising with people and departments, and so on, I'll be really happy. Jack, you've only your mental health to improve by not putting yourself through all this high stress; you're not a natural presenter whereas I can happily stand up in front of crowds but I've had to realise what my skillset can do. Don't force yourself to do things which you're plainly unhappy doing. It's just not worth it.
THIS 
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