Jack Monroe #292 Poet, philosopher, fighter, cook, hero

[Marmalade Atkins]

Jack sent 190 tweets yesterday (midnight to midnight, including 4 deletes).

Current record: 200

 

[Jay-cloth Cow]

I think I've mentioned my publishing friend before 🔺️ who worked on one of Rachel Khoo's books (a dream of a person apparently). She met JO when doing the PR rounds with Rachel, he is apparently V nice but a tad handsy (in a slightly annoying way, always touching arms/shoulders etc when talking to you not a pervy way) so she found him a bit irritating, as nice as he was. Im pretty sure I've shared this before too so apologies, but Jack she met in a green room once when with another client (not sure if that's the right word?! Person she was PRing) and Jack didn't interact with the other guests who were sat around chatting, just sat on her phone and was shaking like a leaf, friend felt sorry for her as she thought she was just incredibly shy/nervous. In reality she was probably just tweeting how she'd been kicking everyone in the room's shins etc.

 

[RevEd]

@RevEd do you have any favourite church suppers?

I have now properly caught up & can confirm I have been in bed. It reminded me of when a former theology lecturer of mine put a biography of Mother Teresa on their course reading list. Except it was the (actually rather excellent) account by atheist polemicist Christopher Hitchens; picking apart her legacy.

Jack is not the only one to make the mistake of simply attaching the first Google hit to a list. Albeit that was to a cohort of 11 students. Not 499,600 squigs.

 

[CabalofBolorneaise]

An absolute banger which you clearly HAVE NOT READ, Jack

ETA oops @Into_the_tunnel beat me to it, I was clearly laughing too hard to read properly

 

[Sideboard Bob]

Space squig update

 

[Satisfying Click]

Predicting Jack's responses when she realises her mistake (and that TD mocked her):

TOOT TOOT: "Whoops, my face is red! I've updated my recommendations and will learn to be a bit more careful!"
Lights OFF: "In the spirit of trying to do something NICE, people decided to jump on me, laugh at me and humiliate me. Thanks a lot, you've just flared up my [insert fabricated illness]. Now, please leave me alone."
Lights ON: "Yeah well, at least I have an OH! I'm about to cook OH a Georgian sausage roll, off the matching plates OH and I have. 28p per portion, including OH."

 

[DisgruntledGoat]

Paloma Faith is on Saturday Kitchen being a delight and Matt is absolutely wetting himself and clearly loving filming and it’s just such a contrast with his gaunt misery at sharing the studio with Jack. I feel such cosy schadenfreude that she’ll never be invited back.

 

[jenny2603]

Wow. Georgian cuisine isn't really what you expect when you think of Eastern European food.

 

[Flumps]

‘Literal food expert’
‘Literally incapable of lying’
‘Forensic attention to detail’

It’s too much!!!

 

[Onestorytoomany]

this is going to be one of those times when I'll just be nodding off and it'll pop into my head - "she can't get georgia right!"

here you go, jack, you can't tell which georgia this one's for. just tell the squigs you meant this one

View attachment 1214121

The Georgia mix up is almost like when she tagged good old cap'n America instead of regular ginger Chris Evans.

 

[Five hundred dogs]

I was actually in Georgia (the state) last week, good job I’m not Jack or I’d have changed my sterling into Lari not dollars.

 

[StillLucilleBluth]

It's not exactly sturdy cardboard. What a muppet

And don’t they all have… giant holes? Right in the front? By design?

 

[jordishaw]

Someone has tagged one of TD’s mates lol

Jack should be very careful here, as a lot of food writers have really put a lot of time and effort into Food for Ukraine over the last five weeks and helped to raise funds and awareness, while Jack has done precisely nothing, not even a retweet. If the person tagged in happens to have written several books about travelling and food in the region (Black Sea, Red Sands ... ) this will not end well for Jack.

 

[Oxford_Girl]

So Friday 22nd April goes down in canal history when we all fell out of our gondolas laughing

So Jack is unable to lie and Jack is a self confessed church cookbook geek and the Georgia cookbook is a banging one as told to a squiggle

The Georgia Church suppers cookbook is included in a list of PERSONALLY RECOMMENDED by Jack Eastern European cookbooks for her followers

It is from her own collection of cookbooks that Jack has organised by region

Only one wee snag it is church suppers in Georgia USA

Yet Jack cannot lie

OMG thread 31 eat your heart out

 

[jenny2603]

Trifle Defender taking the crown

View attachment 1213836

I love Trifle Defender so much. I think I'd faint if I saw her in real life.

 

[nicjd1]

"I'm such a nerd for church books" oh my god, can hardly breathe

It's about time the lies and performative bollocks resulted in such an obvious and hilarious fall right on her face tuned (sorry 'portrait mode') face

 

[nicjd1]

Come on Jack. We are all eagerly awaiting your next move.
You recommended a cookery book promoting a country's cuisine. A book we assumed you have tried and tested. Or you would not recommend it would you? But, plot twist, the book was for an entirely different place but with the same name.
So come on cookery book nerd, how do you explain this?

It's an 'absolute banger' according to Jack. And she's definitely read it, because Jack ~literally~ cannot lie

 

[jordishaw]

Gentlefolk of the Canal, prepare for a surprise: that wasn't even Jack's biggest lie last night:

 

[jenny2603]

All bets are off for the sloppies!

We need a separate category for Trifley D- perhaps devoted to her best Tweet. The other squigs don't stand a chance.

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

Most of them will be on this tier as a minimum. We keep saying '£2.5k a month' from patron but this is the absolute minimum. Most (like 99%) will be higher than that. My guesstimate is £5k a month. A more mathematical frau ( @heretoreaditall2019 ) might give a better guesstimate .

It’s sadly not very factual as there’s no way for me to obtain a breakdown of subscribers by tier, we’re also not considering the % that make annual payments so Jackie could have had a mammoth month followed by a leaner 11 months! Over the course of 12 months obvs that averages out, but the monthly min really is a min.

Taking a blended subscriber rate it depends what you believe to be most probable? Parking the platform fees (the 12%) let’s use two situations - either 100% of her subs are on the lowest £3.50 tier, or 100% of subs could be on the £12 tier. Assuming 730 subs that gives us a range of £2.6k - £8.8kpcm, remembering you then deduct fees from that tho. The truth likely lies somewhere between those numbers, remembering you could have a blended avg sub of £5 with her subs p much split across the two lowest tiers and that would yield £3.7k, that’s not that unlikely a scenario? Especially when the paid for rewards begin at the £7 mark. Nudge it up a bit to a blended avg of £6 and that takes her to £4.4k.

Personally for me I’d suspect between £4-6k is more likely to be the true minimum, but I don’t have the data to substantiate that sadly! Ninnies gonna mither