Jack Monroe #292 Poet, philosopher, fighter, cook, hero

[NomDeGuerre]

I am trying not to think of Jack's possible riffs on Jewish food (bollock sausage with matzo balls?)

She puts peanut butter in her hummus. Few things could solve the Middle East crisis but I think Israelis and Palestinians alike could come together to condemn that.

 

[Lumpyspaceprincess]

Also I know it’s early but next thread title HAS to be…

GEORGIA ON MY MIND

 

[Boyo]

Not complete yet but it’s a HUGE task ok and I haven’t slept in DAYS cos I keep my DMs open and addictively scour social media 24/7 looking for a fight. Here’s a preview of part 1 for those of you who contributed to the kickstarter.

The Twat in the Hat

The sun did not shine
It was too dark to click
So she took no selfies
And just sat there, the dick

I sat there with OH
We sat there, we two
And she said, how I wish
I had a chaos to do

Too lazy to go out
All her phones in the hall
So she sat in the loodio
And did nothing at all

So all she could do was to
Sit!
Sit!
Sit!
Sit!
And we didn’t mind that
Not one little bit

But then something went Squeal
How that squeal made us feel
We looked and we saw her step out on the mat
We looked!
And we saw her!
A Twat in a hat!
And she said to us
Why do you sit there so glum?
I know it is cold
But the squigs have their money
And we can make lots
of green slop that is runny

I know some good food we could ruin
Said the Twat
I know some new shills
Said the Twat in the hat
A LOT of good shills
I’ll explain them to you
Then you can shill for me
They’ll not know at all if you do

Then OH and I
Didn’t know where to run
The Twat was all fired up
Like the sun

But then Coops said “No! No!
Make the Twat go to bed
Tell that Twat in the hat
You don’t want to be fed
She should not be here
In the kitchen about
She should not be here
About cooking she knows nowt”

Now! Now! Do not fret
Do not fear, said the Twat
My food is not bad
Said the Twat in the hat.
Why, you will have
Lots of nice food, if you wish
With a meal that I call
Inexplicable egg in any dish

Do not make us, said OH
I would rather be dead
Do not make us, said OH
How ‘bout Dishoom instead?

To be continued…..

 

[DeviledSmeggs]

I don’t want to derail the thread, but I just wanted to say I wasn’t mocking Jack for being in rehab in my last post. It’s just that she said she was working, but we all know she was in rehab. Something she wrote a whole PDF in Diva about so not a private thing. Just wanted to clear that up in case I offended any of you. Now fuck off x

 

[Jelly Bean]

Omg this is fucking brilliant
Monroe, the literal food expert and cook book hoarder/nerd, only manages to offensively confuse two entirely different places - whilst pretending to be so au fait with that cook book.
Oh Jack. This is beyond embarrassing.

 

[Sideboard Bob]

Wait until the Americans see it

That guy who recommended her to work with the UN must be so impressed

 

[jenny2603]

Oh God, Squig you're in so much danger.

 

[Satisfying Click]

Olia Hercules, (THE Olia Hercules who is a well respected and talented, Ukrainian chef and food writer, who Jack recommended), has liked this TD tweet.

Hashtag awkward!

 

[CrackingOwlSanctuary]

THAT MAN isn't the only one encroaching on Jack's niche:

 

[Geetbo]

I love Trifle Defender so much. I think I'd faint if I saw her in real life.

Trifley D is now up there with Kylie Minogue and Miss Trunchbull on my list of favourite women.

 

[Pocahontas]

She’s kicking (kicking some shins)
On that midnight train to Georgia (leaving on a midnight train)
Hmm, yeah
Said she’s going back (going back to find)
Her Tile cos she lost it (oh yeah she lost it)
She’d rather live in OH’s world (only if he doesn’t eat the pie)
Than live without him in a flat cap.

 

[Griftymcgriftface]

I have a feeling someone who gives no fucks is softly, quietly gathering evidence (including literal receipts) and I’m here for it.

 

[Veronicaaa]

 

[Jelly Bean]

Come on Jack. We are all eagerly awaiting your next move.
You recommended a cookery book promoting a country's cuisine. A book we assumed you have tried and tested. Or you would not recommend it would you? But, plot twist, the book was for an entirely different place but with the same name.
So come on cookery book nerd, how do you explain this?

 

[DinosaurSenior]

So... her cookbooks are "organised by Geographical region"?

No they're not! We KNOW they are organised in order of colour, which makes this library frau shudder

She's tangled up in her lies today. Love it!!!

 

[Dogmuck]

Jack did once see Georgia

 

[Satisfying Click]

Another quote tweet. Jack hasn't posted anything for 20 minutes, maybe the penny has finally dropped?

 

[Clovis]

Reader, I am wheezing over the Georgia mix-up. It just shows the utter performative bollockery of it all.

 

[TillyMiffin]

THAT MAN isn't the only one encroaching on Jack's niche:

View attachment 1213303

I met him on holiday in Menorca about 7 years i ago. I’d taken my 3 kids (single mum) and they were all under 10 at the time, he struck up a conversation saying he thought I was brave for holidaying alone with 3 kids. He was lovely I might get this book just to spite Jack

 

[Shimmering]

OMFG this is beyond funny.

I'm sure Jack won't mind when she realises her mistake, after all it'll blow over by the morning!