Jack Monroe #27 Jack's career move after cooking with cans? Who’d have thought it would be OnlyFans?

[PoorPatrol]

I’d almost feel sorry for her, if she didn’t have to embellish everything with lies and narcissistic bullshit. She does have childcare. Her admin is furloughed, she isn’t paying them. She’s got “five figures” for doing the shitty Hellman’s car crash, she doesn’t work 20 hours a day OR 90 hours a week. I suspect this is her long suppressed desire to paint ‘Mrs J’ as the villain playing out here.

 

[TheDragonWithAFlagon]

CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE

You've slept for two and a half hours after those morons on Twitter failed to cure your insomnia. Episode 4 of your Instagram Live "show" is going out in a few hours. You've remembered to delete all the posts you made about how awful your ex is, but you still have time to kill.

If you REHEARSE YOUR SHOW AND TRY TO RELAX, turn to page 18.

If you START HAVING BEEF WITH STRANGERS ON TWITTER, turn to page 27.

Or put on your too big sports bra and girdle and straddle a sideboard? Go back 10 pages.

Page 18 - You do a good job, further bookings fly in, you make a fortune, get made a Dame and live in perpetual affluence with a handsome princess at your side, happily ever after.

Page 27 - You meet people bigger, tougher, smarter and more knowledgeable than you who expose you as a pretender. Go back 19 pages.


Page 8 - You attract the attention of creepy men on Twitter, start complaining about harassment and in response, become a ten minute anti sexual harassment expert who posts further underwear and sideboard shots so you have a job in complaining about harassment. You are, metaphysically and speaking, Dead.

If you PLAY TATTLE CLUEDO, turn to page 33

Page 33 - you are exposed as the person who is posting the dodgy information about you in an attempt to get damages. You are, metaphysically speaking, Dead.


Try to play the book again.

Page 41 - you attempt to make Black Lives matter by posing as the beneficent white girl bringing all those happy, smiling PoC under your angelic bingo wings edited badly on the selfie app. Go to Page 8, collecting your ex's underwear and your emergency sideboard as you go.


Try to play the book again.

Page 73 - You bring in your secret weapon of an adoptive brother. You get called out for it. You are, metaphysically speaking, Dead.


Try to play the book again.

Page 24 - You film an arty video about mayonnaise skin and centre yourself. You get called out for it. you are, metaphysically speaking, Dead.


And again.


And again.

 

[Yel]

On the news they've just announced that the government have backed down about the food vouchers and that they will be issued through holidays.

Bet your bum Jack will bang on about how she was 'leading the campaign'and it was all down to her.

Unpopular opinion, but as someone without children and once reliant on just jsa I find people like jack really unhelpful in this all. Claimants with children are far better looked after and less likely to slip through the cracks. If you think support for a single parent with a child is low you should try being a single person. I wish jsa / universal credit was set at a reasonable level for all. Anyone not able to feed themselves regardless of if they have children or not should get help.

Of course jack never actually faced the lightbulb and toy dinosaur selling poverty she claims to, probably why she's such a detriment to the cause.

Just learns a few stats about food banks to regurgitate and gets put on the telly.

 

[Jay-cloth Cow]

I'm a bit behind tonight (need to so some grunkalunkaing) but the Grenfell stuff really angers me. I work nearby, and the morning after, I came out of hammersmith station to the smell of what I can only compare to burnt toast, and I could see the smoke from my office window. My company organised loads of volunteer work to help out, and I went and helped distribute clothing parcels - not one person on my volunteer team made a big fuss of how great a person they were (though I think they were!) Or used it for personal gain. We did it because we were local and wanted to help. Jack using it for clout really boils my blood. Sorry for the rant!!

 

[Saint_clemmie]

I’ve caught up with the thread but I still need someone to catch me up on what the fuck is going on!?

 

[MarmiteExtract]

Omg, I know I’ve twice now said that I’m off to bed, but I was just shutting my eyes when I damn near cracked it.

Imagine if DDD was...

Wait for it...

Superfan!



Only kidding. Just made myself laugh and had to share.

 

[LavaFlake]

I'll try and sum it up as I'm waiting for my cherry cheesecake (a Nigella recipe donchaknow) to set.

Someone with the account name of DannyDogsDinner who AFAIK had never posted on here before sent a link to a dodgy Twitter account that had an artfully styled pic of JM topless. It looked like one of those tasteful pic sets done by a professional photographer. But this pic was posted without JMs consent - it was posted by an account that regularly tweets spicy pics of TV stars. This was pretty quickly reported and got deleted- people suspect this was someone trying to stir up trouble.

For context, the username of the Tattle account that linked to this tweet (DannyDogsDinner) is that same as the Twitter account name that tweeted Saturn many moons ago telling them to back off and leave JM alone - does anyone remember that debacle? The DannyDogsDinner twitter account alluded to a break up between JM and L and people were initially thinking it may have been tweeted by JM herself but that got ruled out.

Now Saturn has a theory over who this account on Tattle is that just linked to the nuddy pics on Twitter and we're all waiting with baited breath. Is DannyDogsDinner the same user as the Tweeter with the same username? Is DannyDogsDinner actually an active Tattler? Stay tuned on next week's episode of CSI x

 

[no-no]

*I’m also intrigued as to how she can centre herself into a story about a black professional footballer who grew up in a single parent household using his platform to invoke social change, maybe she had trials for Man U ladies team and we don’t know about yet.

Jay Monroe

 

[PoorPatrol]

Am I the only one on this thread who is in a permanent state of Grunka-ing? Every time I catch up, Jackanory has moved onto another realm of cuntishness. I can’t wait to settle down with the Live later, what a treat!

 

[I steal names]

 

[MarmiteExtract]

Faaaackin' 'ell, that was a lot to catch up on.

@Flumps and @Harrybosch loved your opinions in the final pages.

Also @Flumps, so sorry to hear about your partner's job. What a rotten time.

What is WITH that DannyDogsDinner person? Is it Jack? Her lawyer? Steven, or whatever that pervy follower's name is? Odd, just odd. Good on you lot for reporting it. We'll be having none of that 'ere.

Also, godspeed to @CottageWitch who is liking posts from thread seven... SEVEN! We're all here waiting for ya, kid.

 

[PoorPatrol]

Louisa, sleeping peacefully, not realising that the Just Jack revenge bomb has finally exploded.

 

[colouredlines]

 

[HarderFaster]

I have no idea what's going on anymore so god help anyone GrunkaLunka'ing this in a few days or weeks time....

 

[TriviaNewtonJohn]

CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE

You've slept for two and a half hours after those morons on Twitter failed to cure your insomnia. Episode 4 of your Instagram Live "show" is going out in a few hours. You've remembered to delete all the posts you made about how awful your ex is, but you still have time to kill.

If you REHEARSE YOUR SHOW AND TRY TO RELAX, turn to page 18.

If you START HAVING BEEF WITH STRANGERS ON TWITTER, turn to page 27.

Or put on your too big sports bra and girdle and straddle a sideboard? Go back 10 pages.

 

[Silver Linings]

I have a vague recollection of her *allegedly* posting bragging tweets whenever she did buy something with that money, basically thanking Katie for her new whatever. I remember when I heard that, finding it distasteful and lacking in class.

She used it as her MP deposit too.

so why were you trying to self insert yourself into a thread with uber famous Gary Lineker by bringing it up then? Ugh.

 

[colouredlines]

Aww, thanks all for the kind words about my little ditty. I've been reading these threads a lot longer than I've been commenting, and they provided some much-needed comic relief during those dark quarantine days (where I live - not in the UK so will need to be extradited when Jack comes knocking - we had a VERY strict quarantine, and it was hard to get through). Glad to be able to give something back to the hausfrau community.

PS if anyone wants to write their own lyrics, I will charge you 80€ a month on my Patreon.

 

[Silver Linings]

Well this has all left a rather nasty taste in my mouth. I know we predict it every time but it’s still disappointing when she does it. She knows exactly what she’s doing. I find the thinness stuff hugely triggering so i’m making myself go to bed.

sweet dreams, cabal

 

[Gentlemensrelish]

I’m not offended by nudity. I’m offended by the sharing of this bottom of the barrel twitter account. I reported your post because I feel uncomfortable with it and don’t think it has a place here. It’s your first post here too.

Can't believe I'm having to say this twice but - no shame in the titty game.

That's not what we're about here. It's also a very lovely picture - but it wouldn't make any difference if it was a mirror selfie. Naked bodies aren't shameful, being scummy about them on the internet is.

 

[Flumps]

Certainly is BS! I know weight is a touchy subject but she loves to mention it so sorry not sorry. I’ve lost about 28lbs and gone from a 10 to a 6. She doesn’t look any different to me. Her hairy legs look quite muscular, too. Why’s she trying to make out she’s some waif in Vivienne Westwood? Must’ve been spending too much time on tumblr...

I am harping on about this, I know I am, but I have spent my entire adult life obsessed with my weight, and been everything from slimmish to morbidly obese. Like so many people I know of what I speak here. Since lockdown started I have lost about 1 stone and 4lbs. I have a much bigger frame and am carrying a lot more weight than JM, and I assume I am quite a bit taller. That amount of weight loss is hugely noticeable on me, my face, my waist, my overall shape. Even my dad, who rarely comments on personal things, told me I've lost weight when he dropped something off this morning. I've been and looked, and there is a photo from one of her This Morning appearances about 16 weeks ago. There is just no way that she's lost that much weight. No way. I can see some weight loss in her face, true, but her figure isn't hugely different. Not by that amount and the percentage of her body weight she is talking about.

Sorry. I don't normally comment on other people's weight loss, or anything particularly personal about looks and stuff, but this strikes me as *extremely* irresponsible and dangerous talk. I am sure lots and lots of her followers are fairly vulnerable people, with all sorts of mental health issues, including EDs, and this sort of talk strikes me as somewhat fetishistic and dangerous. I'm really cross about it.