Jack Monroe #268 May I ask where you work?

[Smeghead]

She considers this a successful day you know.

“Work”

 

[DinosaurSenior]

Yum!!! This Marks' chocolate squirty cream will turdify Jack's next trifle right up! Why would they design something that looks like a poo emoji!? ( That's not my hand)

 

[holliebollie]

@Shawads I thought I was the only person to have made 100s & 1000s sandwiches! I would sometimes switch it up to pure sugar sandwiches, or even add golden syrup. How I didn’t end up with diabetes by 12, I’ll never know! If only my mum had offered me bacteria laden, soggy, snout and germy salad sandwiches instead.

 

[threeSMEGfridges]

I know it is all performative for JM but suggesting putting yellow sticker salad into a batch of sandwich filler that she claims lasts a few days, for a child... Bacteria sarnie anyone? On the bright side SB must have developed a strong immune system over the years, the amount of germs he is likely to have been exposed to

No wonder they’ve respiratory issues - think of all the MOULD they’re being exposed to in that rancid dusty kitchen. Not RD but allergies, me’lud!!

 

[Powershower]

Fell down the stairs in a bungalow. Couldn’t make it u..


oh wait

 

[Captainmouse]

.

How about this one, Jack?

View attachment 1124934
View attachment 1124935
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maybe the alternative is something in a 'flask'

 

[RachAgnes]

Oh no. #ImightbeJack
We got ‘ouchy mouth’ within days of each other (I ended up with an emergency op and 5 days in hospital - she recovered spontaneously in days) and 3 weeks ago I tore the ligaments in my foot (by bloody stretching) - resulting in 2 weeks on crutches. Has she me, or are we the same person?

 

[Lazarus]

This bloody annoys me because you couldn’t make that for just 24p…. That’s not the way to cost a recipe

75p/500gr tit bacon
I get that people buy this and I’m really not judging if that is all you can afford but personally I’d rather go without than eat it. In truth, I wouldn’t give it to my dog. remember that time Jack said you can sometimes get lucky and have bits of artisan reared meat in there. How the duck would one know?

 

[Soapy Dolphin]

Oh 'eck, was it my spitebulb (or lack thereof) that made her fall down the stairs!
Genuine soz.

 

[Auntyanchïoade]

Jack very often endures worrying illnesses or suffers nasty accidents almost simultaneously with LJC being taken ill. Most peculiar coincidence. Would forensically dig out receipts but on a break at work ( in what very much appears to be the real world thanks Squig) so I SHAN'T.

 

[jenny2603]

75p/500gr tit bacon
I get that people buy this and I’m really not judging if that is all you can afford but personally I’d rather go without than eat it. In truth, I wouldn’t give it to my dog. remember that time Jack said you can sometimes get lucky and have bits of artisan reared meat in there. How the duck would one know?

At this stage, I wouldn't be surprised if the artisan reared meat scraps sat up and said "I'm not supposed to be in here you know". It's no less surreal than all the other bollocks we've been subjected to.

 

[Arsov Cooper]

Maybe Jack's next house move should be to a bungalow where no falling down of steps can occur?

Let's just hope it's not a crappy one, with stairs, like the one she currently RENTS.

If she were to "smash a salad to smithereens" surely she would be left with a layer of green slime on her chopping board. I feel desperately sorry for that poor child having been fed so much experimental shite over the last ten years.

 

[Feck]

Sandwich guff now trending. FFS.

Somebody I know irl has answered the sandwich question and it's made me irrationally annoyed at them.

 

[Smeghead]

Oh no. #ImightbeJack
We got ‘ouchy mouth’ within days of each other (I ended up with an emergency op and 5 days in hospital - she recovered spontaneously in days) and 3 weeks ago I tore the ligaments in my foot (by bloody stretching) - resulting in 2 weeks on crutches. Has she me, or are we the same person?

Did you manage to heal the ligaments yourself in a matter of minutes? Did this actually happen? Would you ever keep donated money?
If you answered no, yes and no to the above, you are probably not Jack

 

[Lazarus]

Somebody I know irl has answered the sandwich question and it's made me irrationally annoyed at them.

That’s not irrational.

 

[Dogmuck]

At this stage, I wouldn't be surprised if the artisan reared meat scraps sat up and said "I'm not supposed to be in here you know". It's no less surreal than all the other bollocks we've been subjected to.

Spoiler: Fan girling

Jenny I would come and see you if you did stand up. Just about everything you write kills me! Mr D keeps snarling at my hoots

 

[Pavlova]

Isn't that the 'You'll Eat It If You're Hungry Enough' school of parenting? The one where you get your dinner back for breakfast if it's not polished off with an 'Oh, dearest Mama, that was truly the most scrummilicious morsel of joy in the whole of Christendom!' as soon as you sit to the table, elbows off, back straight and never leave without a 'Thank you for my lovely meal, Mama, please may I be excused to do my Ancient Greek prep forthwith'?



Having said that, my second was the twattiest mini gourmet in year 1. She wanted to have bento boxes stuffed with smoked salmon/rice/diced cherry tomatoes/cucumber, prawn cocktail and baguette slices, peking duck ingredients to make up with cucumber shreds and hoisin sauce, sashimi and sushi, or homemade pizza plus fresh strawberries, grapes and satsumas - and I thank the heavens that she never encountered Charaben until after she was old enough to do it herself. Her father did not approve. he believed that all children want or should have was a Dairylea Lunchable, Capri Sun and a Kit-Kat or three cold cocktail sausages, a Mini Babybel and a carton of Ribena.


It's not that hard to relocate a dislocated joint if you're quick and can identify exactly what way it went out. Especially when your experiences of the NHS are largely of the 'well, what do you want us to do about it? It's not broken'. But it's absolutely a zero force/gravity only option only for those who have a diagnosed medical condition and even with that condition, there are times when you still end up having to go because either you can't get it back in or the damage done in the initial pop is so bad that even after it's snugly back in place, the swelling and pain starts. The last time I did my left shoulder, the residual damage took over 18 months to heal, though - but that's after nearly half a century of partial tears to the tendons and ligaments where residual scar tissue isn't as flexible as what was originally there.


However, it's yet another fall down the stairs. Which means time for more 'head injury' shite to go with the ever so subtle epilepsy breadcrumbing she's been doing.


i wonder what she was supposed to be doing in that there London that she now won't be able to do? Meeting with the publisher, perhaps?

Isn't Monday fellowship night or therapy night or something. Insert @katchoochoo who f** knows gif

Fell down the stairs in a bungalow. Couldn’t make it u..


oh wait

Thread nomination. Please.

 

[colouredlines]

Somebody I know irl has answered the sandwich question and it's made me irrationally annoyed at them.

Once a university acquaintance of mine engaged with her. He has a blue tick so of course Jack responded gushingly...which is quite funny because he is a right-wing journalist and card-carrying Tory.

 

[Arsov Cooper]

Just see what's in the fridge and slap it between two slices of bread DEAR GOD

It worked for John Montagu 250 years ago . And he didn't even have a fridge.

 

[Boyo]