So 24 hours we had requests for girl's names, oversaturated photos being glued into frames and get outta my pub uterus. Recovery is a long process and the real addiction she needs to address is social media.
Jack Monroe #222 Thank you is two words
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Hakuna your tatas did it for me.Don't have a rack attack...
I have a sleeve tattoo of scenes from the Lion King and I fear I shan't be able to look at my left arm again without bursting out laughing
Wait did she claim that her labia were so (big /unruly) that she needed three pairs of knickers to keep them in check?
She was working in a bar selling “dodgy dusty out of date” shots of booze wearing a bikini (it was a late 00s phenomenon) sensible idea if you ask me (the pants, not being a teenage bikini booze flogger) apparently their are pics and the press would LOVE to get their hands on them (couldn’t be less interested)
So funny. I think I've said this before: who would give a toss about so-called risqué bar photos. Even if it was Nigella! If the media cared, they'd've been seen.
If they were shown, Jack would:
° first spin a big story about the patriarchal gaze on her downtrodden smol self and decry the 1D sexualisation of women; then
° hastily backtrack to supporting SW;
run a chickpea peaches curry night fundraiser; THEN
° write a "recipe" for vegan spaghetti alla puttanesca, forgetting:
(a) it's already vegan and tuna is a variation; and
(b) substitute tinned plums for capers,
at which point the fans would be so gaslit they'd start posting labia instead of doggos when the light has gone from Jack's eyes
If they were shown, Jack would:
° first spin a big story about the patriarchal gaze on her downtrodden smol self and decry the 1D sexualisation of women; then
° hastily backtrack to supporting SW;
run a chickpea peaches curry night fundraiser; THEN
° write a "recipe" for vegan spaghetti alla puttanesca, forgetting:
(a) it's already vegan and tuna is a variation; and
(b) substitute tinned plums for capers,
at which point the fans would be so gaslit they'd start posting labia instead of doggos when the light has gone from Jack's eyes
There are thirst trap pictures all over her socials of her in a bra top, bikini, underwear etc anyway. Am sure she must have tried to get into high street honeyzzz or something and is still furious she’s never been asked to be on the front of Nuts or Loaded or whatever those magazines were
Have woken up in the middle of the night and had a read and now I am worried about falling back to sleep and some Mr tickle labia attacking me.
Worst of all I worry in case I bump into Jack at the small independent restaurant dishoom at the weekend!
Worst of all I worry in case I bump into Jack at the small independent restaurant dishoom at the weekend!
Hate to go off topic but there was an article in a local rag about that Dishoom you might want to read
I’m sure Jack already knew. Although she didn’t mention it. Ever.
Here's what Dishoom's secret keyring actually gets you
Almost underground, flashing one of these in a Dishoom branch is status symbol that most people don't quite understand the meaning of.
metro.co.uk
Does booze even go out of date?
Only 3k likes on the capital letters UTERUS tweet and only 8k on the note app tweet! Oh I do hope Jack isn't losing her viral touch. Maybe the squigs have burnout. Anyways, I wonder if the relative silence today was because she read over it all and cringed herself into oblivion 
Absolutely!
I'm assuming Jack won't be one of them.
Cheeky bit of forearm there for the fraud that like that sort of thing!
He had definitely black balled her tv career
He had definitely black balled her tv career
Not coping with labia chat so gone back to a year ago on Instagram and funnily enough although she was posting A LOT, she didn’t today.
Yesterday was grilled banana (with POPB) porridge and tomorrow the light comes back into her eyes after filming a new TV show (Dr thing I think). She looks 5.
Decided not to do a poll and go with the former.
Yesterday was grilled banana (with POPB) porridge and tomorrow the light comes back into her eyes after filming a new TV show (Dr thing I think). She looks 5.
Decided not to do a poll and go with the former.
Not being funny but wtf is the ‘thing’ circled?? Apols that we may have scrutinised this at the time but it’s been a loooong year and I don’t remember.
ETA: ..and I’m TIRED!
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I wonder what the totally unprofessional word mangler will do today. Excited.
I wonder what Jack will conjure up for today's challenge? 
#saltydjango
#saltydjango
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It's kind of a shame she didn't include her hands in this shot, as it would have been the spit of this ...
It looks like Gru's shadow. We all know how much the minions love bananas, though even they would draw the line at that mush.Not being funny but wtf is the ‘thing’ circled?? Apols that we may have scrutinised this at the time but it’s been a loooong year and I don’t remember.
ETA: ..and I’m TIRED!
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