Jack Monroe #213 Something for nothing is her USP

[Cookiecookie]

The 'housemate' story sounded weird to me at the time, but I never could quite put my finger on it then. Obviously, now I know so much more, it just being that she moved back home makes perfect sense!

I live with my mum. It does get the occasional funny look, but I really do not give a monkeys. Darwin has a stupidly high crime rate. Our suburb mainly just suffers from car and property theft, rather than the s*x assaults and violence others do. The rental market is insane, greedy landlords (some put rents up $150 PER WEEK after the influx of southerners escaping Covid happened) and a property shortage make places even for the reasonably well off, super hard to find. There's no way I could get somewhere I'd feel comfortable moving to tbh. I'd rather stay here, in relative safety and affordability (I do pay my way) because whilst it's not ideal, it's the most sensible option for us.

 

[Orphan_Black]

Clumsy Mediterranean arse? Or just regular? Wondering if I need to adjust my insurance!

Regular I'm afraid.

Spoiler: Peak clumsy

A few years back I went to get my phone screen repaired in the Apple store, after they handed it back to me I thought I had put it into my hoodie pocket. Nope. Stood up and it fell off my lap and cracked again, right there in the store. After much laughter the lad sorted it again, and fudged the paperwork to hide my clumsy shame.

 

[Saint_clemmie]

Just posted to Instagram

ERM!!! didn't she say recently that she was saving for a bike? am I making this up??

She makes me so cross! You do not get to speak for all people who have been poor. I have been poor and I’m not far off it now - I RENT! And I can assure you that contents insurance is top of my list as I wouldn’t be able to replace everything I own in a hurry. I don’t have a tip jar or public facing PayPal that I’m ready to dish out at a moments notice tho! Call me cynical but seems funny that this might be happening right before Christmas or right before she may or may not have a tax fine to pay!

if I had a gifted Emin hanging in my house I'd have insurance.

 

[Yel]

My smart scales rather bluntly described my body type as overweight and rated me as 59/100 tonight. I will be following jack promptly to try and help me keep to intermittent fasting for a day or two a week. Time to give up the velvety hot chocolate and swap it for soggy cloves

 

[Pocahontas]

Probably best to move on now - it’s not really on topic and it’s as much respectful to not mention it or speculate about what Jack’s response will be. Cheers all.

 

[ChickenPorridge]

Friends drink it a lot so give her the empty bottles.

Ahhh yes! She didn't drink grapefruit squash but had also previously been drinking a gallon of grapefruit squash from a vase. That was it!

 

[MancBee]

Eating something that looks like that is bad but eating it for a midnight snack? What the actual fuck

On a Gunk again so don't know if this has already been said. She has this green swamp at midnight. She is awake to eat it at at breakfast, lunch and dinner, but she sleeps 15 hours a day. How do she do that then?

Back to my catch up.

 

[Falkor]

Sorry fraus, my friend has never heard of her - obviously not quite such a big name in Southend!

 

[Orphan_Black]

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She has the audacity to call us trolls?

Seriously Jack?! Get out.

 

[Pocahontas]

Spoiler: Mystery solved

Slop Fiction.

 

[Veronicaaa]

"Trying very hard to maintain my serenity" = shoutout to her tenuous sobriety.

 

[HotesTilaire]

I think she did admit in the last year that the 5 people she lived in the shared house with were her son, her mum, her dad, and the two fostered siblings

 

[Orphan_Black]

She's up early for a bit of tin rattling. Shameless. Did she dismantle her shed kitchen? And why didn't the landlord buy the lawnmower?

Hope the string of pearls fake plant is safe though.

 

[KebabGirl]

That's a LOW PAID part-time job Hotes! Our Jack would not take highly paid work. Apart from Sainsbo, Hellmans, DKL, Del Monte. Or are they classed as low paid too?

 

[Veronicaaa]

You will love the punchline a minute into this account of Jack inspiring another huge and adoring crowd at a Conservative Party Conference.








Nearly a decade later and still no genuine contrition. All a bit of a laughing matter for 30 seconds as she portrays herself as a victim of the reaction to it.






She is describing Katie Hopkins here but could benefit from reflecting on her own words with her therapist if she possesses enough self-awareness.









Finally, blessed with a cabal Holy Trinity in Jack's own words. In just 10 seconds, she takes us from lots of pepper to celery to a double helping of sloppy.

At just after 1 hour on the second last one here, Jack says the 'n word' in full

 

[traumatised sideboard]

She's got the hump over us slagging off her penchant for slop so has decided to go to the other end of the spectrum and serve up dust. I personally can't wait for Natural Healing Jack who will cure herself of arthritis by choking down powdered turmeric every morning, cleansing the shitty bungalow by burning juniper (herbs is herbs innit) and shoving crystals up her niche. Namaste

 

[SarcasticEllis]

If you are in the habit of spending thousands on sideboards you have the money to spend on some contents insurance.
stop making out that people in poverty are feckless.

 

[Into_the_tunnel]

Why does she always do this when we are on page 51?

why?

 

[Veronicaaa]

if I had a gifted Emin hanging in my house I'd have insurance.

Just has a look back, I think it's around the time of her Jerry Hall hairdresser / gifted Emin story that prompted us all to advise she gets content insurance. But also around the time of her first week of DKL, when someone on twitter noticed that the fitting of her oven wasn't up to safety standards (my personal fear would have been a fire - this is from previous experience when I had a tenement flat and not long after I moved out there was a massive fire in the flat above me, the owner of which had let her insurance lapse and it took literal YEARS for the other people in the building to be able to get their own flats repaired, it was an absolute nightmare which I was lucky enough to have missed by a matter of months). The issue with Jack is she's completely tight when it comes to such things - she's generous to herself with the high end products but when it comes to the usual direct debits that normal people pay up on as a matter of course, she's always trying to avoid coughing up.

 

[traumatised sideboard]

I just wanted everyone to know that because of this thread I've had the phrase 'freezer cheese' going round and round in my head like a zillion mildly irritating bees.

Ohhhhh Louisa
Bring me freezer cheese
With an egg or three
Don't deny me please
That freezer cheese
Everybody agrees
It's what I need
A hunk of solid briiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeee

<saxophone solo>