Hotes, just checking you've made a will and got your affairs in order, haven't you? 
Jack Monroe #207 Jack Morley
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(because duck me, Hotes you're a trooper for letting the apple swamp monster live in your slow cooker. Oh no. Oh no no no no. Kill it.)
Lads, the oats are retreating, the liquid is slowly escaping and leaving behind overlooked broken down oat, apple (donāt apples contain pectin?) sugar and gluten in what appears to be a 100% vegan gelatinous slop. About an hour ago it started to smell like porridge. Iāve broken recipe to stir it again as itās getting craggy at points.
ETA that looks like an axolotl forming! Itās the spring of life! Iāve done alchemy!!!!
ETA that looks like an axolotl forming! Itās the spring of life! Iāve done alchemy!!!!
But Hall and Oates had a hit with āSheās Goneā
I have never seen anything in a slow cooker behave like that! Definitely more invested in #Hotesoats than I am in going to work, that's for sure. Stay well back, and have an escape route planned incase it really does come to life - it looks like it's going to!
Brilliant! Adam Richman bravely fought food by eating it whereas I am using heat and a spoon. Itās been beaten into submission.
Watch out for new Frauen signing up here and one with an unassuming @slopbreakfast- it will be @Lanie ' s mum.
What a sad little life, oats
Itās now the colour of tinned rice pud or semolina, caramel but not brown. I have a theory that the Apple Browns when it cools, and this mornings āsolid slop in coconut milkā was stone cold.
I feel a bit guilty that the UK doesnāt have enough electricity and Iām wasting it on overcooking porridge
Iāve turned the heat down to low. I also tasted it!!!!! Porridge, and especially the thrice boiled variety, is quite creamy tasting to me. This was no different, it tasted of oats. Then there was a juicy apple aftertaste. It doesnāt seem very ātoffee appleā itās not especially sweet or caramel- and I used golden sugar in it. The colour has deepened to a caramel though.
Itās now the colour of tinned rice pud or semolina, caramel but not brown. I have a theory that the Apple Browns when it cools, and this mornings āsolid slop in coconut milkā was stone cold.
I feel a bit guilty that the UK doesnāt have enough electricity and Iām wasting it on overcooking porridge
Iāve turned the heat down to low. I also tasted it!!!!! Porridge, and especially the thrice boiled variety, is quite creamy tasting to me. This was no different, it tasted of oats. Then there was a juicy apple aftertaste. It doesnāt seem very ātoffee appleā itās not especially sweet or caramel- and I used golden sugar in it. The colour has deepened to a caramel though.
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Hoping this message doesnāt combine like the last one did. Iām off to bed now so I turned the slow cooker off. On removing the lid for the latest pic, the slop appears to have collapsed in on itself
Hope yāall enjoy your lil
breakfast time grunk
Hope yāall enjoy your lil
This is where you tweet it to the bootstrap cook handle and call it a triumph, my dear
Vlad is trolling me on Instagram... might be nice with that porridge though #yaprune 
What an awful start to the day. Thank you for taking one for the team @HotesTilaire
Hotes, I really donāt know what to say.
You totally took one for the cabal there and I think we all can agree you deserve a great big slice of
In looking at the final outcome, it seems like what you have created seems pretty much in line with Jackās (and it tastes oaty and appleyā¦.would you like tinned coconut milk with it?
). But, the journey to that final outcome was simply a culinary car crash. Most of us would have pulled the literal and figurative plug hours earlier when things started to lookā¦.dubious.
So the question remains, why would Jack know to carry on and that the end result might look like actual s*** but could taste just about edible?
One for the grunkersā¦
You totally took one for the cabal there and I think we all can agree you deserve a great big slice of
In looking at the final outcome, it seems like what you have created seems pretty much in line with Jackās (and it tastes oaty and appleyā¦.would you like tinned coconut milk with it?
). But, the journey to that final outcome was simply a culinary car crash. Most of us would have pulled the literal and figurative plug hours earlier when things started to lookā¦.dubious.So the question remains, why would Jack know to carry on and that the end result might look like actual s*** but could taste just about edible?
One for the grunkersā¦
I hope you manage to get your slow cooker clean after this
I dont know if she would sign up but one thing i do know is she is a wee northern irish lady who's brutally honest. ( I know, i grew up with her honesty
) if she says something looks tit then im afraid it looks shite. She doesnt hold back.If you have a few rolls of wallpaper you could stick it up with that it looks like wallpaper paste and 10000 times more appetising than ,
island
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@HotesTilaire please tell me you've got something nice to eat for breakfast too (and the rest of the day), and you weren't planning on eating that monstrosity until it all went (can't imagine how many Jack portions a whole slow cookerful would be - 500 or so?)
It looks awful, I'll grant you, and certainly inedible, I don't want you to think you've wasted your time here but it doesn't look like Jack's turd in milk. What on earth did she do to create that abomination?
Oh Hotes, Iām delighted youāve taken one for the team but seeing these photos at 7.30 in the morning? Itās put me right off my actual breakfast-with-texture 
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