Jack Monroe #206 I wouldn’t trust her with a spam fritter

[kachoochoo]

it's a step up from rinsed hoops I guess...

also, how eco friendly is it to run 7 slow cookers, 3 smeg fridges, 2 phones charging (in the hall), a sentient mirror and a sparrow in a pear (and mussels) tree?

I look forward to eco-era jack chaining herself to a tree emily bishop style to save the whales!

 

[Django]

Eco Jack is an all too easy identity to co-opt
-no car
- “second-hand” and charity shop/puddle finds
-tit upcycling of tins
- salt is salt spa bath milk bottle treat
-everything cooked all day in a slow cooker/no lightbulbs saving electric
-saves yellow stickerfood from landfill

Bot help us Fraus

Eco Jack is akin to eco Sali Hughes. Buy endless tit and discard it (I'm thinking of the imaginary melamine cutlery in Edinburgh here), Jack.

 

[Clovis]

Why the duck would you grate halloumi?

Too poor for Spam so only had halloumi to hand.

 

[EddieBeds]

imaginary characters who have wronged jack:

-Bullying parent-governer
-Old chief anti-traaaaazers on a bird
-Unnamed Journalists who laughed at Jack saying she wanted to write a book on the holocaust and predicting the rise of trump because she didn’t go to university
-Pret boardroom stealing her undisclosed but definitely real recipe
-White trash shouldn’t breed lady
-shin kicking victim
-Russell Brand, sometimes
-The whole of Southend because she has tattoos

feel free to add fraus

The train conductor (sorry is that the right term?) on the train back from Edinburgh who forced Jack and other passengers to sit too close to one another during a pandemic?

Jude Law (“sit the duck down I want to see Redcar” - paraphrased slightly).

The former manager at a supermarket she worked?

 

[Alansbigplate]

You can grate anything if you’re brave enough

 

[EddieBeds]

I had Roger Red Hat & co in the early 90s! Not in the UK admittedly, but the hats were still alive and well. I preferred Letterland. Good old Clever Cat, Kicking King, and those weird incest cousins.

Just joking of course, I was reading War & Peace in the original Russian.

Another Roger Red Hat truther…my primary school still had those books alongside the newer Biff et al in the early 90s.

Letterland was my favourite, especially Lamp Lady.

 

[Captainmouse]

Why the duck would you grate halloumi?

Can you grate halloumi? Isn’t it like trying to grate Greek yoghurt? Or cream cheese?

 

[NP]

Why must she constantly bastardise Italian dishes? They are never what she claims they are, I think she believes she's clever and worldly by using fancy names. What did the Italians ever do to you Jack?

This. If I see the word “ribollita” again I might combust.

 

[EddieBeds]

You can grate anything if you’re brave enough

Think @heretoreaditall2019 can attest to this!

 

[EllaEm87]

Not being a Billy Blue Hat Truther but I’m Jack’s age and read them at school in Year 1. My school did have these curtains though so they weren’t exactly keeping up with the times.

View attachment 759469

My granny still has these exact curtains

 

[Marj24]

Can you grate halloumi? Isn’t it like trying to grate Greek yoghurt? Or cream cheese?

halloumi is very firm, so yes you can, but why is another matter!

 

[Into_the_tunnel]

This. If I see the word “ribollita” again I might combust.

Really?

1. low and slow
2. Base
3. Done
4. Ooft
5. That’ll do

 

[Captainmouse]

halloumi is very firm, so yes you can, but why is another matter!

I am fond of halloumi, but usually eat it cooked, was too lazy to go down to the fridge and squish some uncooked, imagine a floppier texture

 

[DisgruntledGoat]

Why the duck would you grate halloumi?

There’s a Turkish Cypriot food blogger (melizcooks) who does a pasta with grated halloumi and it looks really good. All her food looks amazing, unlike Jack’s “Greek feast” that was from the chiller section of M&S.

It’s probably pretty traditional as pasta is originally Greek (? citation needed) but I think we’re all just so used to Jack’s greying slop creations that everything becomes a gastro nightmare in her hands.

 

[KebabGirl]

Totes not related, but C4 are filming the Paralympic Homecoming tonight. Spoiler, the Head of News & Sport (think her name might be Louisa Compton) is there.
Buckle up, could be another long evening lads!

 

[LennyBriscoe]

The train conductor (sorry is that the right term?) on the train back from Edinburgh who forced Jack and other passengers to sit too close to one another during a pandemic?

Jude Law (“sit the duck down I want to see Redcar” - paraphrased slightly).

The former manager at a supermarket she worked?

The Sunday School teacher who moonlights as an Accountant.

The homeless of Edinburgh who she ehm fed

 

[Lanie]

You can grate anything if you’re brave enough

That's bleeping sick its like a scene from silence of the lambs

 

[kachoochoo]

maybe Jack's angling for the plusnet ad gig, what with all the "that'll do"

"in southend, when we say 'ooft, that'll do", we mean it'll more than 'ooft do'"

 

[Orphan_Black]

That's bleeping sick its like a scene from silence of the lambs

Oh you can bloody talk with some of your beany profile pics!!!

I will never get over the size of this lasses ego when seeing the gifted reader thing. It's bleeping audacious. I'd be more inclined to believing it more if she came out with more than 4 and a half GCSE's from a Grammar School. Imagine what another kid could have done with that opportunity if Jack weren't there taking up a space?

 

[DinosaurSenior]

Oh blimey the cutlery plonked in every fakking dish. Why WHY WHY!!!

If someone is serving me food, I want to be first to put a fork in it.

Also ... I think differently. No you don't you absolute twit .... you think like every other money grabbing grifter that thinks they're special.

Twit