Jack Monroe #195 She basically writes fan-fiction about herself

[MancBee]

I agree they do a very mediocre cut but spend ages finishing it, so it looks great stepping out of the salon and you are left right fucking mess when you wash and style it yourself and at least 50 notes lighter.

I will add my story to the Tony and Guy wall of woe.
When they opened in Manchester mid 90's I thought I would treat myself and told them to just give me something that they thought would suit. I had no style in mind, I went in with collar length hair and gave them a free rein. Big mistake.

I came away with an undercut at the back, covered by a slick asymmetric bob with "I love Cilla Black" longer points at the front with a "choppy" fringe. It was an abomination. Only myself to blame. Worst haircut I have ever had, and believe me, I have had all sorts.

One friend said "It will look alright when you wash it and put a hat on". My mates made so much fun of me I had a No1 all over within a week.

Jack's looks very similar. Undercuts were old hat by the end of the 90's, hardly edgy and cool 25+ years later. To quote Matt of the Forearms, her haircut is "Terrible".

 

[MooBelle]

View attachment 636892Does the left one on ‘bag of tricks’ say sack oil?

View attachment 636900Concrete and cheese soda bread
White sauce ‘sleazy”

KIDNEY BEAN AND PINEAPPLE CURRY.
KIDNEY BEAN AND PINEAPPLE FUCKING CURRY.

 

[Dogmuck]

Trifle defender throwing some shade...

 

[OhhBacon]

If I'm depressed the last thing I want to turn on is Katrina & the Waves "Walking on Sunshine".

That list is so incredibly offensive.

Can't believe Jack's back! Acting as if her time away from social media was self inflicted, ha!

That list is utterly infuriating.

I said this before on here but will say it again.

Everyone has physical health and everyone has mental health. But when discussing physical health we don’t compare a bruise with a chronic fatigue illness nor a broken bone with paralysis. However when it comes to mental health it appears people will link a down day with chronic depression.
The need to open up discussions about mental health issues sometimes seems to be damaging them. If you have a chemical imbalance in your brain then listening to sodding ‘Walking on sunshine’ will not fix it, you need professional medical help and medicine.
In the same way that if you had diabetes you would be given proper medical support not told to read a self help book.

It absolutely infuriates me that the range of emotions we do and should feel are used by many influencers to claim mental health issues. Shopping, music, reading, exercising, walking, gardening are all productive uses of time that could enhance your day and emotions but will not fix a proper chemical imbalance that is a mental illness.

*I haven’t read the music article, I won’t give them traffic but we do need to discuss the difference between mental health and mental illness in the same way we do with physical health and physical Illness and I doubt that article goes anywhere near this issue!

Ted talk over.

 

[FlashBoof]

I mean ffs it's not like influencers don't just treat it like a business expense and write it off anyway. Why hurt the small business financially and insult your audience by doing a review that's not impartial? Oh yeah, it's because they're entirely lacking in any sort of integrity. Shameless is absolutely spot on, @FlashBoof dear heart.

Exactly - and a cursory scroll through the twitter feed shows Grifter Gladwell for what she really is. No toiling away on a Lenovo or Google Notebook....NoNoNo - two expensive Apple set ups, on cute little work stations, separate from their living area. No perching on a kitchen surface, or on a coffee table in the living room. Or even a corner of a bedroom. In London - the most expensive place to live, per square foot, in the UK, (apart from some very private or ultra exclusive niche areas - that also happen to be easily commutable to London). And this is the woman that was here pleading poverty, seeking advice on debts, and begging for work and freebies.

Do ANY of these wretched people understand what living within their means really is? Do they REALLY need Apple kit at ten times the price of something that would still do the job but doesn’t look as nice? And I say that as someone who is an Apple user - but bought the iPad second hand from Game (cost less than £200) and is using my kids cast off iPhone 6 that won’t even update apps anymore but still works for calls, texts & browsing etc. Oh - and I have a fucking home that I own and no debts! I wonder why these twats are incapable of seeing the reason behind there self induced “destitution”, and their “I RENT” proclamations (not that there is ANY shame in that either - although you would think there is if you took Jack by her word).

 

[Flash123]

@MooBelle that user isn't Jack it's Hattie, the grifty weasel currently asking for free staycations who showed up here a few weeks ago asking us not to drag her into the Jack Universe and accusing us of making fun of her health condition (which we established we both didn't and wouldn't). It was a rubbish guest appearance. She doesn't appear to drive a taxi or own ethnic furniture and she's not even related to Eamonn Holmes

I have to admire someone who has the brass neck to try to get freebies from the hospitality industry which has been on its knees for the past 16 months. (I actually had written a bitchier response than this but deleted it as I didn’t need to be a wanker as the facts alone would do.) if it isn’t a grift and just proper groundbreaking journalism I would like to know how.
@Pocahontas you were too nice telling them how to hide

 

[Switchstreetz]

Happy Thread-iversary Housefraus!

We are still waiting for the answer to life's greatest mystery, the chippy shop chips conundrum.

 

[LennyBriscoe]

I just had a re-read of thread 31 and it’s every bit as beautiful as I remembered

But it makes me sad that so many fabulous posters don’t comment any more

 

[traumatised sideboard]

I think I'd rather eat grass from the Chernobyl exclusion zone than that fish fillet, Poca. I've been reading and watching a lot of documentaries about Chernobyl and other nuclear disasters recently, it's my new personality trait and even the liquidators who scooped up shards of radioactive graphite with their bare hands would insist on full protective gear before going to Jack's for dinner.

Lest we forget the true extent of the cod defiling here is the original screenshot, thanks as ever to fastest hand in the west @Marmalade Atkins

She cooked a fish fillet for so long that she couldn't remember how long she cooked it for.

 

[Dogmuck]

Afternoon Fraus, as our smol pixie is having a break, I was having a little look through Lord Jesus Compton’s Twitter early this morning, she’s a good one for reminding me of Dispatches I haven’t watch. So I’ve just watched the “anti-vax conspiracy” on All 4 - thank you LJC bloody brilliant piece of work that. But how the fuck can she be in charge and promote that sort of content, which basically calls the anti-vax movement charlatans, snake oil salesmen and fraudsters who prey on the vulnerable...and also date Jack Monroe? Jack epitomises all those characteristics and just about every claim made on that programme can be made about her partner. I don’t know how she doesn’t die in those dispatches morning meetings

 

[kachoochoo]

this reply! I cry!

needless to say, the hair looks fucken stoopid

 

[Switchstreetz]

Another of my favourite parts of #31 - one of jack's posts, answering the real important questions

And Veronicaaa just summing up the whole thread (that profile photo never been more fitting)

Spoiler

@ComeForTheX StayForTheY hope you're ok

 

[lilamay]

I don’t know if I’m being thick but where did the connection with Toni and guy come from wrt the Linda La Hughes cut?

The person who commented on her cut and who Jack responded to with: ‘Thanks to you!’ is a Style Director at Toni and Guy it seems (but they are not tick verified on insta or have a large following, so ...)

And Jack's just started following @toniandguywestfieldlondon on instagram!

 

[Mr Krabs]

View attachment 628301I thought Jack had invaded the BBC good food Facebook group with that comment! And I’m baffled at the idea of putting clotted cream in a curry as the first suggestion!

Can’t eat that many scones? What is wrong with people? An entire tub of clotted cream will do two scones, tops.

*pats belly*

 

[MancBee]

You are right.
If only I'd known about the magazine and it's 'advice' when my daughter lost her job and home due to her mental health. I could have just bunged her a few quid and told her to buy something nice, instead of moving her back to me to be cared for, picking up the pieces, physically, mentally and financially, and fighting for her every step of the way. These charlatans and their nonsense piss me right off.

100% this.
Everyone has their ups and downs in life. Everyone has those days when you wake up and feel a bit down. Conversely, we all have days when you feel happy and it's for no apparent reason. This is not bi-polar, this is not depression, it is normal life.

It is dickheads like these that make people question the validity of depression. How many times have you heard "what's she got to be depressed about" or "he just needs a laugh and good night out, that'll sort him"? When people are lead to believe that treating yourself to a luxury item will make it all better, no wonder they think MH isn't serious.

Think how much the NHS could save if the cure for depression was a bath in "Stress Relief Radox". How simple it would be if all you needed to treat anxiety was a bright red lipstick to give you confidence.

Snake oil salesmen the lot of 'em. Preying on the vulnerable is despicable.

Rant over.

 

[ThunderClapForCapers]

Is this her basically drifting and asking for free holidays for people to write about in her blog with 11.5K twitter followers?

Between that and raising £15000 for a book which never materialised maybe she needs her own thread.

omg my favourite cheeky cow is back on the grift

What a grifter!

 

[traumatised sideboard]

I was rather hoping that the anniversary of hallowed Thread 31 would be kind of like the cabal version of Easter and Jack would be resurrected, returning to us in all her peripatetic glory. We would raise our Russell Brands, perform a ritual dance in six inch heels and sing our praises to Lord Slop for restoring our saviour to life so that she may bestow the answers to all of our most pressing spiritual questions such as 'what can I do with leftover chippy chips?'.

 

[Switchstreetz]

Midweek full moon coming up..

June 24th is not only the anniversary of thread 31, but also a full moon

get your strawberry soleros and safety hats at the ready, we could be in for a mega chaos if the stars align

 

[ChickenPorridge]

To be fair, she's probably coming on to check if there's been any sign of Jack online as she's still waiting for the article she said she could hash out in five minutes

 

[Switchstreetz]

Glaikit! Love all the Scots words that come out. Saw wheesht the other day as well. Which reminds me of whisht lads had yer gobs and I try to think how much of the Lambton worm I remember.

One Sunday dawn young Lambton went
Sad-fishing' on twit-eer;
And catched some slop upon his hook,
He thought looked rather queer.
What kind of frozen fish it was
Young Lambton couldn't tell.
He was far too BUSY to carry it hyem,
So he hoyed it down a well.

SHAN'T! Lads, shut your gobs,
I'll tell yous all an awful story
SHAN'T! Lads, shut your gobs,
I'll tell yous aboot the slop.

Now Lambton felt inclined to go
And see his second or third home
he joined a group of blue ticks who
ignored quarantine to roam
And off he went to Edinburgh
Celery armies he did fell,
And very soon forgot about
The strange slop in the well.

But the slop got big and growed and' growed
And growed an awful size;
With great big teeth, a great big gob,
And great big goggle eyes.
And when at night he crawled about
To kick you in the shins
If he felt hungry upon the road,
He'd eat livers from Jack's bin

Illustrations alone cannot do justice to the epic battle, which I'm told ended with Lambton's noble steed finishing the beast, declaring "never again shall you demean me in your quest for a lasagna sauce"