Jack Monroe #195 She basically writes fan-fiction about herself

[Sideboard Bob]

I have no words….

ETA. Triple jinx! The power of the rainbow falafel is strong.

 

[phoebuscartel]

I don't get that either. Surely the best travel reviews are by people who stay incognito? And pay? Fishing for a free holiday by saying it will get a good writeup in her blog seems utterly pointless (for everyone apart from her).

"It was great value for money because I didn't pay for it, and the staff kissed my arse because they knew I was going to write about it. 10/10"

 

[Mr Krabs]

I can't believe they're proud of this, it looks like a block of compressed sawdust Del Monte must surely be gutted they picked Ol' Jacko to work with. I can't belive they get payed for coming up with that crusty old shit.

Her cakes often look like those eco-friendly logs you can buy for wood burning fireplaces. Probably just as dry too.

 

[phoebuscartel]

You're not supposed to keep it in your wazoo Poca

 

[Cookiecookie]

Of course it is - but they probably thought it was snappy and edgy, the clowns.

I have read a couple of articles — not loads as reluctant to give it footfall, so to speak. It’s vacuous nonsense centred around self care, and stuff such as “Being you is enough” or “Pat yourself on the back for having a wash”. I do not want to trivialise the very real suffering that poor mental health can bring but, hand on heart, I feel like that’s exactly what Hattie and her gang ARE doing - with their “Self care subscription boxes” and “Inclusive jewellery sellers promotions”. I am sure you all must know what I mean - the sort of thing that gives oodles of ammunition to the rabid right wingers about being “woke”. And I can absolutely see why they wanted Jack on board. Right up her street.

It really does take the piss out of MH issues. Buying a crystal/ bath bomb/ necklace/whatever, won't fix the wonky chemicals in my brain. It's a temporary little bit of joy - often tempered, as many of you will know, with remorse for being silly and indulgent, as these things are often quite pricey. A magazine with honest articles about medications, different therapies, and humour (cos depressives are often very funny buggers) would be much more interesting and useful than a bunch of back patting weirdos tagging themselves into the awful abuse poor Britney has endured.

 

[onlysunshine]

This has been cropped to try to not 🔺️ but look what I did today which reminded me of Jack...


Disclaimer: no Jack recipes were used in this creation

 

[Sideboard Bob]

The replies to the tweet are restricted, meaning we get some insightful quote retweets instead. I love this squiggle, who might as well have said, “well, it will be nice when it’s done”.

 

[Sideboard Bob]

Return Of The Fack!

 

[Dogmuck]

Sweet Jesus. Don’t know if that was brave or look at me. Well I do know.
I don’t know why I looked and shattered a lovely quiet Sunday.

Fucking hell! I was jittery at the preamble, but Christ alive, I could only manage 30 seconds of the “singing” before my sphincter attempted to withdraw into my stomach dragging my left arse cheek along with it. This should be under a trigger warning banner! Why? Just Why would you do that

 

[L3moning]

You know you're a nobody when even the Daily Mail don't think you worthy of a character assassination.

 

[Captainmouse]

I saw this and thought of a certain smol pixie

 

[colouredlines]

HG just posted yesterday on twitter about how she's repping the CBD stuff and wants to do advertorials in other publications! Also, how's this for advertising - under the guise of ~self care~ of course ... https://the-breakdown.co.uk/neals-y...x-reminded-me-of-what-self-care-is-all-about/

I had a look at this particular article the last time Hattie came up. Aside from the questionable content, it's also just really badly written. That's not even me being mean subjective: she uses run-on sentences, she makes mistakes like "most favourite", her vocabulary is repetitive ("made with soothing...oils" twice in one sentence!) and hell, she even has the first person I in lower case sometimes. She can't even be bothered to proofread her work, but she's on Twitter begging for free holidays? Hilarious.

Coming up in Breakdown mag:

6 self-care products to help you get over online trolling

How a fabulous aparthotel cured my depression & anxiety

The best Del Monte pineapple recipes for the winter blues*

* written by one J Monroe, just a few months behind schedule

PS all this yoga talk and I'm sitting here with my leg in a cast. How can I monetise this?!

 

[DisgruntledGoat]

Hattie claiming that she cannot possibly work from an office due to health issues but being confident that she’d be well enough for a few free nights at luxury UK getaways has Big Danie Vanier Energy.

 

[Rekyavikgirl]

FGS A staycation is WHEN YOU STAY AT HOME. Fucking grifter.

 

[Switchstreetz]

The more I learn about the Breakdown the more I don’t blame Jack for staying the hell away (she should never have accepted the position of writing monthly for them though).

As an actual severe depressive* and music lover I couldn’t resist checking out that list. Here it is if anyone else is curious, so we don’t give them the clicks. I’m shocked that a certain cover of Landslide isn’t included.

(*edited to add. I’m not mentioning the depression thing in a sad-fishing way, I just love that it gives me a legitimate reason/perspective to dismiss everything Hat*ies’s magazine is about ).

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"Mr Smith what seems to be the problem?"

"Well doctor, my wife left and took the kids. I feel like I have no reason to get up out of bed. I'm struggling at work, I'm angry and tired all the time. Sometimes I go to the park and feed the gloves birdseed while crying, it's the only thing that keeps me going."

"We have just the thing"

*The GP dims the lights and turns on the projector*

 

[Emmapism]

I like to imagine she thinks she can starve the thread and end it altogether. But she hasn't reckoned with the fact that we now all just like chatting with each other

 

[MooBelle]

Oh god. The fish people have commented about sending her more fish.
She's replied, apparently she's 'still working through the last lot

She still has the fish in her freezer. Ungrateful cow.

 

[KingBabar]

Of course it is - but they probably thought it was snappy and edgy, the clowns.

I have read a couple of articles — not loads as reluctant to give it footfall, so to speak. It’s vacuous nonsense centred around self care, and stuff such as “Being you is enough” or “Pat yourself on the back for having a wash”. I do not want to trivialise the very real suffering that poor mental health can bring but, hand on heart, I feel like that’s exactly what Hattie and her gang ARE doing - with their “Self care subscription boxes” and “Inclusive jewellery sellers promotions”. I am sure you all must know what I mean - the sort of thing that gives oodles of ammunition to the rabid right wingers about being “woke”. And I can absolutely see why they wanted Jack on board. Right up her street.

You are right.
If only I'd known about the magazine and it's 'advice' when my daughter lost her job and home due to her mental health. I could have just bunged her a few quid and told her to buy something nice, instead of moving her back to me to be cared for, picking up the pieces, physically, mentally and financially, and fighting for her every step of the way. These charlatans and their nonsense piss me right off.

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

 

[traumatised sideboard]

Perhaps she's realised the severity of her crimes and is currently on the run from the onion police. It won't help your case if you keep posting those blasted pickled beans and taunt them with pictures of eggs on eggs! Chop chop Jack, watch out for that plenty of black pepper spray. Ruby Rose won't be able to be your stand-in when you get a life sentence in the onion slammer.