Jack Monroe #194 She only came back cos we were about to put out an album

[bowiethesdmn]

Sorry! I got so distracted I walked into the loo right after my husband had been in there. I'll take that as my punishment.

I came home from a night out once to find my mum sprawled on my bed gagging because my dad had been for a tit in their en-suite

It was Something's Simmering. Which turned out to be nothing. Unless she meant herself?

She's an attractive woman if you bypass the personality but I think she's more into herself than anyone else has ever been, including the procession of former Mrs Js.

 

[Mr Krabs]

Can we crowdfund a pop-up called fishslut for next door? Should we? is a separate question

There’s already Sexy Fish in London.

What is up with the people who name restaurants? U OK hun?

 

[Lanie]

Agree. My house looks like a bomb has gone off in toys r us even when it’s looking presentable.

I agree my kids don't have alot of outside toys because we don't have a big garden but they do have some bits. Some kids aren't big into toys but that house looks barren.

I grumble and groan about the toys here but at the same time I love it.

 

[HotesTilaire]

Good morning to the cabal. Are we all ready for

I am almost beside myself with indifference. I'm only here for the humour and support you load of ninnies have for each other.

I’m saving this to absolutely burn someone with

 

[bazzam]

And we never did find out what was simmering...

3.5 litres of tea in the slow cooker is my best guess.

 

[bowiethesdmn]

I’m saving this to absolutely burn someone with

Same. This site is a bountiful forest/minefield of excellent insults.

 

[EnglishRoseIrishRover]

I noticed an article on The Grauniad website written by Jay Rayner, a man of good taste.

I’m sure our smol pixie will be gnashing her teeth and wailing that her fishy egg/ brown slop have been cruelly overlooked for this article but Mom made it in!

 

[glowsquid]

There’s already Sexy Fish in London.

What is up with the people who name restaurants? U OK hun?

OT (sorry) but I'm sure I passed one recently called burger slut

Edit: just noticed fish slut which is in a similar vein....that'll teach me to grunk while making (mercifully taramasalata free) eggs

 

[discokebab]

And we never did find out what was simmering...

I'll put a tenner on eggs...

 

[MancBee]

Well I really wasn't expecting missing in action Jack.

Not a sideboard moved, slop simmered, or a charity shop raided.

Still, there's a few hours to go yet. Whilst we're waiting, I'm off for a lovely walk in the sunshine. Beautiful day here, the sort of day that you wished you lived near a beach.

 

[Rekyavikgirl]

I went down the internet hole about her and her family. Her rancher in laws and their dubious horse farming and threatening reputation around town. I think she’s put a glossy veneer over them all with her idealized tv life.

And the original theft of indigenous land.

 

[Emmapism]

I went for a walk around London yesterday and passed a restaurant named 'eggslut'. Made me think of Jack and her egg-y, fish-y meals x

Eggslut is bloody amazing. Their scrambled egg brioche roll is actual heaven. They started in the states and I always go there if I happen to be near one.

Hallo cabal! I see that nothing is simmering this fine Sunday

 

[Boyo]

And we never did find out what was simmering...

The rage, my dear. The rage.

 

[Shesaidwhat?]

I guess she is waiting for Marcus to come on as a sub in the kickyball match so she can regale Twitter of the time she taught him how to cook meatballs and they’re best mates he asked if they could shake hands you know even though she told followers that she asked, don’t you just hate when there’s video evidence making a liar out of you?

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

Jack’s mate for five minutes Giovanni Fletcher is getting flamed for claiming furlough cash. If only literally any of the many journos reading this thread could find it in their hearts to rustle us up a smol piece on Jack’s year we’d be very grateful. Thanks xx

Giovanna Fletcher 'claimed £30k from the government's furlough scheme'

The author, 36, received the huge sum of cash alongside her husband Tom, who are believed to be worth £8 million while the UK was in the midst of the Covid lockdown.

www.google.co.uk

 

[MooBelle]

Well I really wasn't expecting missing in action Jack.

Not a sideboard moved, slop simmered, or a charity shop raided.

Still, there's a few hours to go yet. Whilst we're waiting, I'm off for a lovely walk in the sunshine. Beautiful day here, the sort of day that you wished you lived near a beach.

There's an account which I strongly suspect is a sock puppet that has been liking mundane crap on Twitter regularly. Last activity was yesterday.
It isn't one of her big socks, just one of the many she keeps ticking over so she can jump on it whenever she 'quits Twitter '

Not naming as not 100% sure it is her, also if it is named she'll delete it after she reads on here.
Nothing exciting. Lots of cattos and floofs etc etc

 

[hollowhusk]

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Typical Jack.

Outlandish story.

Hints at having video (after all how could someone be identified from audio)
Gets called out.
Gets aggressive.
I@M BUSY (ie I'm moving house instead of the 20 hour days)
Gets called out some more
I'm a victim (of bullying)
Changes story to audio and uses son for sympathy.
I'm just a selfless hero, I sat with a homeless man and gave him money and food and was kind to him.Gets called out again.
BYE!

It's missing disabled lesbian but almost the full house.

I'm surprised she didn't get the post removed, Mumsnet will do that if the original poster asks.

 

[Eurgh]

She’s the worst.

 

[CabalofBolorneaise]

This is wild. As @Blurp said above, she definitely did have a go at her Mum at one point in recent times about this, her mum gave a sad response like "we tried to do what you wanted". Yet here she is not only blaming them for not being able to swim because she missed the lessons (LOL grow up Jack) but body shamed her. Claims that the marks never bothered her in the slightest and that 'several' doctors advised her parents to seek out this horrific removal process. Several NHS doctors I assume since these were the 2up 2down pov days? Why would she be seeing several doctors about port wine birth marks in the first place? All sounds like a massive lie. According to Jack's own mother, the removal process was at Jack's request!

I’ve never actually seen the birthmarks, despite her claims they’re still evident, but my theory about them that has stood through the 37,000 stories we got was that they did exist (do? And she photoshops) and as a child she was very self conscious about them.

So she asked for them to be removed, got lots of nice attention as her parents understandably got more than one opinion but nobody properly explained to Jack* that it wouldn’t be a simple “pop you under and they’re gone” type procedure and lo, the reality wasn’t what she expected, and neither were the results.

*or maybe they did but couldn’t make it go in…

All speculation m’lud and may be bollocks. (Just like most of Jacks tales)

 

[Powershower]

I went down the internet hole about her and her family. Her rancher in laws and their dubious horse farming and threatening reputation around town. I think she’s put a glossy veneer over them all with her idealized tv life.

Yeah I think they play out this “wholesome rancher” thing but they own half the town and have so much land they rent it back to the state of Oklahoma. Maybe we should start a pioneer woman thread, now there’s a woman who can afford butter!