Jack Monroe #194 She only came back cos we were about to put out an album

[Veronicaaa]

OH MY GOD, trifle defender, you are really spoiling us xx

 

[kachoochoo]

so, mr kcc was puzzling over what to get me for my birthday. I said, "well, you know what I like" he's been sniggering for a couple of days

this was not what I was expecting...

 

[traumatised sideboard]

Since we know Jack's not going to be back until the weekend, here is my pre-chaos/crushing tedium gift to the cabal (my taxi driver's waiting outside). Pie Jesu, it's the most uptempo requiem ever made to honour the forgotten freezer fish. Get out those Russell Brands, it's what god himself would have wanted

 

[ComeForTheX StayForTheY]

I just finished watching Time on iPlayer and now I need some light relief so catching up here
Soooo...What do the cabal reckon Jack used Pythagoras for today? (friendly reminder you should be using this on a near DAILY BASIS)
Oh and big achievement for me today

 

[colouredlines]

Today in the kachoochoo household:

 

[AprilLudgate]

Hello Fraus und Herren, after some time a year if not more, lurking, I’ve taken the plunge and made an account. Mainly so I can see all the pics/link but also because I realised I read here for all your hilarity and nothing to do with JM. Oh and finally, because I yelled THATS AMOLLLLEEEE in MrMightBecomeMrLudgate’s face last night apropos of nothing.
Anyway, that’s for lols in what has been a hell of a 12months, and apols if I’ve done this wrong

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

New Instagram post.

 

[Clairyboo]

The diversity awards.... I’m in the final of that from last year, postponed due to our friend Covid.
It’s for the fund I set up to provide immediate counselling and financial support for lgbt teens in Sheffield in memory of my son who was gay and died by suicide aged 15.
The Noah Lomax fund for teen mental health.

 

[ThunderClapForCapers]

No, not you, love.

 

[Mr Krabs]

She has specifically claimed that she was a prostitute. It was at the same time that she was working for the Southend Echo. Trainee journalist by day, lady of the night by, er, night.

Belle De Poor

 

[MaineCoonMama]

Anniversary of the sideboard photo shoot.
13/6/2020

 

[kachoochoo]

well, yes

 

[Pocahontas]

Fish and eggs.
It’s always fish and eggs

 

[blurstoftimes]

fraus! I've missed this place but i've been stressed and BUSY. I can see jack has been gracious enough to mostly hold off on any chaoses while i'm not here (except for the tragic 1998 trinny and susannah boss girl vibes makeover outfit but the less said about that the better) but now i've caught up there is a new verse looping round and round in my head which i must type out otherwise it might stay forever

when you make your white sauce
from the jizz of a horse
that's a moleeee

 

[kachoochoo]

so, I got mr kcc to put the mask on...


(I have asked his permission to post this and he is cool with it. the fucking exhibitionist)

eta he has his pyjama bottoms on, it is very warm

 

[Sideboard Bob]

OH MY GOD, trifle defender, you are really spoiling us xx

View attachment 612571

That’s got to be her giving us a sign

 

[MancBee]

I'm in that there London again. I've been on numerous trains and the underground and there wasn't a single out of the ordinary incident. I didn't have to kick anyone in the shins, have anyone sit too close, and I didn't fall off the platform.

However there was a very young mum with her child in a pushchair. She had sleeve tattoos on both arms, she even had them on her legs. Do you know what? Not a single person even looked, never mind make a comment.

Wonder if the return journey will be as uneventful now my hospital appointment is finished. I am all prodded and poked and fully scanned.

Am I doing trains all wrong?

 

[Veronicaaa]

Just saw this comment on Jack's special 'boiled eggs added to a tub of ready made taramasalata' recipe.

and I thought to myself 'are you having a laugh, what's to steal?' So I looked on Gizzi's insta and this was posted 4 days ago

So I can only assume she's accusing Jack of stealing

 

[MancBee]

And watch out for mean women that call you white trash (but you know you're not coz "bitch please, this bag is Cath Kidston...").

ETA the Insta post for newer fraus!

What is she on about? Her midriff isn't perfect but it is WHERE SHE KEEPS HER PIES.

Is she trying to say she has a big tummy? She hasn't.

Is she trying to say she is fat? She isn't.

Is she trying to say she eats pies? We have never heard of her making or eating a pie.

Is she trying to say she can eat pies and still stay slim? No one can.

Is she trying to get attention and for people to say, "Oh Jack, you have a lovely midriff"? BINGO, I knew I would get there in the end.

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

I heard that to get into the Southend Fire Service, you have to be able to bench press the Queen…