Jack Monroe #193 Mama, pass the UNICEF statistics and the Hansards!

[Mr Krabs]

When you’re feeling bereft
Just because SHE LEFT.
That’s a-mole

When you’re scrounging for tips
Even though your dad’s rich,
That’s a-mole

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

Imagine being a hard hitting journo (like our top lurker Hattie Gladwell who couldn’t even wait 24 hours for it not to look so obvious she’s amongst us loool) who’s finally made it to the dizzying heights of publishing an anti tattle piece in Gr*zia (other trash available x) so you open all the top threads in a new tab and..... it’s pages of poetry. None of the illegal bollocks Sally Hughes claims just people writing songs about slop, HMRC, and grubby nails.

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

When HMRC
Sort u a gaff out for free
That’s amolé

 

[MancBee]

You must NOT stop!

Call the undertaker, for I am DEAD

Oh, go on then

When Cooper's deployed
You are clearly annoyed
That's a moleeee

When things are not gifted
They have to be grifted
That's a moleeee

Though your nipples were perky
She left, it was hurty
That's a moleeee

When you cook it's a bore
'cause you find it a chore
That's a moleeee


That's enough for now.

 

[Vanelope]

Spoiler: OT bags

Yonks ago I bought a Chanel bag that was ‘well loved’ from a reputable site for about 200 dollars but always wondered if it was a fake. Anyway, night out, fall down break the clasp boo boo. Was in London and took myself to Chanel and the doorman blocked the door and said you shall not pass and they put it in a box and said they would see what they could do and gave me a receipt. Thought possibly bye bye bag as Chanel destroys fakes. But a month later got to go back and they gave me my fixed bag and I asked how much and they looked at me funny and said they don’t charge for repairs. So I left Chanel with a massive paper bag with my little bag in and felt like Paris Hilton.

 

[colouredlines]

So...Jack slow cooked PARSLEY for 8 hours, but threw bay leaves on top at the end for garnish?

Her cooking is always such an act of aggression.

No comment on the skirt, except who the fuck says "jolly" like that? Enid Blyton has been dead for half a century, get over it.

 

[NP]

Maybe I’m a boring fraus but if I allegedly went through a period of being so poor I sold my lightbulbs and son’s favourite toy, I wouldn’t splash out on designer gear with my first lump sum of money. It’d go straight in a savings account in case I was faced with that situation again. The excuse about buying investment pieces is a load of tosh when it’s not been looked after (cue “poor people can’t have nice things” etc)

 

[bladiesla]

Just reading the first paragraph of the Grazia piece. Wow, apparently it's awful to think influencers are shit...

She sets up a strawman argument as well (being critical of the shit some influencers pull off apparently is the same as condoning hurling abuse at them).

Having said that, I'm only here for the BS from Jack Monroe and the people here are fun. I don't know about any other threads. I don't care about life-style influencers trying to sell me some sponsored make-up pallet or throw for my sofa, so I don't follow any. I've never seen the appeal in that, but I know many do. (Also, being an influencer would be my worst nightmare, I would hate having to whore or my private life for money like that, monetize the things that are just fun or for my own enjoyment. Really can't see the appeal)

I don't agree with abuse directed at people in their face, in their comments or in DMs. That's horrible whether you are a musician, politician, scientist, influencer or whatever. But what the writer does is conflating targeted abuse with people calling bullshit on some of the nonsense some influencers peddle.

She also argues:"Or perhaps everyone that uses Tattle should live by the same contract of transparency and ‘fair game’ that they expect from influencers and use their real names, addresses and photos if they want to use the site"

Well I'm not online rattling my tip jar, dropping hints of being poor and ill while splashing out on sideboards, or lying about 20hr works days so people get a pity Patreon subscription.

Overall, it's a strange piece that starts with someone moping about a dating profile from a man who didn't like influencers, then generalising criticism on influencers as if it's just like shooting abuse at someone, and ends again with moping about that dating profile.

 

[Nottonightbabe]

When you're a lazy arse mare
Always think life's unfair
That's a mole

When you hate that you RENT
And your morals are bent
That's a moleeeeee!

Ah these are far more entertaining than Jack herself

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

 

[PortiaControl]

A little ode to piano Jack...

When you call yourself maestro
And put on a trite show
That's amoleee

When you hammer the keys
with a display of unease
that's amoleeeee

When your musical binge
makes everyone cringe
that's amoleeeee

Thanks for the new thread Hotes!

 

[ThunderClapForCapers]

 

[Falkor]

View attachment 605465View attachment 605466View attachment 605467View attachment 605468

Thread title nomination there:

Jack Monroe #194 It's going to look like a homogenous slop

 

[veryfondoftea]

Oh god she’s really back isn’t she looking straight out the early 2000’s as well. Knowing that she’s put that guitar there for the picture and set up the tripod is making my whole body curl in on itself

 

[ChickenPorridge]

"That'll do" gives me the shits as well. The false modesty like it's a high key masterpiece. Irritation factor 10

 

[Mr Krabs]

jack: I buy myself One Nice Thing every book advance in case I'm ever poor again and can resell it

also jack: I have heavily soiled and broken a designer bag and I poke holes in pleather lapels

Nothing screams 'I had a comfortable upbringing' than trashing designer goods. Easy come, easy go, innit.

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

View attachment 605423View attachment 605424

View attachment 605428View attachment 605429

View attachment 605431

Oh hun it’s summer, treat yourself to a nice crisp solid. Imagine how heavenly biting into a raw carrot would be!

 

[Pocahontas]

 

[GreyBudgie]

When Matt with forearms, doesn’t fall for your charms, that’s a mole.

When Monroes going live, but she fails to arrive, that’s a mole.

 

[MancBee]

I was always the long haired boy at school. I would still have shoulder length hair now, if my hairline hadn't receded to the point that it would look silly.

And I definitely think all of the old school cliques still exist, its just the insta thots have their own as well, and they're more visible. Actually though, that clique always existed, but now they have Instagram to show off on.

I was completely gender non conforming as a teenager in the 60's. I tried to do my own highlights, but they came out like zebra stripes. Undaunted I used food dye to change colour daily. My form teacher wanted me excluded until it grew out, but the headmaster was the father of my best friend, so supported me, not the teacher!

Another hair don't...I wanted curls like Peter Sarstedt so asked mum to do a home perm (she did all her mates). I ended up looking like Mrs Slocombe,.
I realised she only knew the one style and all her friends looked alike. To make matters worse, I was best man at my mates wedding the next day.

There's loads more. Corkscrew shoulder length perm done on chopsticks anyone? Grace Jones style flat top? Permed top with shaved sides? Black dye, red dye, platinum blonde. Yes all me!

I loved the reaction from people, especially as I worked on building sites for many years in the 70's and 80's and lived on what was (and still is) a really rough inner city council estate. But like many gay men that were a bit daring in their youth, I have become less adventurous as I got older, though I still have my moments.

Sorry for off topic, but it has made me realise that Jack's constant hairstyle changes, especially the wacky ones, are not to dissimilar to my own experiences. Perhaps I should cut her some slack. However I was not trying to promote myself as a brand with an ever changing persona.