Jack Monroe #190 The sloppening

[heretoreaditall2019]

I went on a day trip to Southend over the summer. We used to go there a lot when I was a kid and I remembered it being a bit run down and tit. It was quite nice. They’ve improved the promenade area and there seem to be nice suburban areas. It’s hardly the edgy, knife crime seaside town she likes to portray.

Jack lives in the posh bit anyway.

Southend is nice, there are some lovely places to eat and some nice stretches of beach to walk down. Whenever I was down (eg failing my driving test for the ten millionth time) my husband would make me skive work and we’d drive down there. It’s really easily accessible from (E) London, easier than the Kent beaches.

Evenings in the week it’s v quiet too so Jack doesn’t need to don the stab proof vest for fear of a hen party assassinating her.

 

[Veronicaaa]

Hellmann's new collab is right up in Jack's niche. Sadly it's an actual telly programme which as we (and Hellmann's) know, is very much NOT in her niche.

 

[Lanie]

I imagine her getting a job in a FANCY hotel similar to the one J' Lo worked in, in maid of Manhatten, poor little Cindy ( her ) cleaning and scrubbing and alas she is swept of her feet by some RICH lady ready to take her off into the sunset of cotswolds, expensive watches and grand manors.

Oops I think I just wrote her ideal kind of erotic fiction. Sorry cabal.

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

Baby’s asleep on me so actually reading Jack’s book now, so many things feel a bit

this feels..... weird? Like your friends surely know a general jist of your circumstances so wouldn’t say this? It feels cruel. Defs didn’t happen as we’ve seen there are no friends other than PR Vix who’s probably just after the consultancy work <candy man.gif> she’ll be here in five after that

£390 feels like it would be close to a year of arrears? Feels too high...?

this is big Tory energy. How would you even know what year reg most people’s cars are...?! Or type of telly?! Give me strength!

 

[colouredlines]

Baby’s asleep on me so actually reading Jack’s book now, so many things feel a bit

View attachment 579221

this feels..... weird? Like your friends surely know a general jist of your circumstances so wouldn’t say this? It feels cruel. Defs didn’t happen as we’ve seen there are no friends other than PR Vix who’s probably just after the consultancy work <candy man.gif> she’ll be here in five after that

View attachment 579223

£390 feels like it would be close to a year of arrears? Feels too high...?

View attachment 579224

this is big Tory energy. How would you even know what year reg most people’s cars are...?! Or type of telly?! Give me strength!

"This is Jenny, she's got a 50" Samsung TV," said no one ever, when introducing a friend.

 

[indigomoon]

I imagine her getting a job in a FANCY hotel similar to the one J' Lo worked in, in maid of Manhatten, poor little Cindy ( her ) cleaning and scrubbing and alas she is swept of her feet by some RICH lady ready to take her off into the sunset of cotswolds, expensive watches and grand manors.

Oops I think I just wrote her ideal kind of erotic fiction. Sorry cabal.

Yep, Uncle Albert style.

 

[L3moning]

"This is Jenny, she's got a 50" Samsung TV," said no one ever, when introducing a friend.

The one time it might happen is a rapper introducing Jennifer Lopez in a song

 

[moosesauna]

Baby’s asleep on me so actually reading Jack’s book now, so many things feel a bit

View attachment 579221

this feels..... weird? Like your friends surely know a general jist of your circumstances so wouldn’t say this? It feels cruel. Defs didn’t happen as we’ve seen there are no friends other than PR Vix who’s probably just after the consultancy work <candy man.gif> she’ll be here in five after that

View attachment 579223

£390 feels like it would be close to a year of arrears? Feels too high...?

View attachment 579224

this is big Tory energy. How would you even know what year reg most people’s cars are...?! Or type of telly?! Give me strength!

Yeah, I have literally never heard anyone refer to the size of somebody's TV when introducing them. What parties is she going to?? Maybe it's a posh thing, idk. "Hi guys! I'm Jack - I'm a famous chef, activist and writer! I don't have a 3D TV or a fancy car but I do have a million tin cans, some lovely Cotswold sideboards and a designer scarf that I found in a puddle!"

 

[SpamNugget]

This sounds like the opening line to the alternative write up to Potatoes

Potatoes 2 ...Duchess Potatoes .with BUTTER (clasps pearls in shock )and faints with the absolute EXTRAVAGANCE...

 

[Captainmouse]

Re energy costs,( unfortunately they have just been taken over by British Gas, ) but ebico were not for profit, no standing charge, no different kw charge depending on usage, no extra charge for key meter. And we’re around during the time she had key meter fitted. But she’s far too lazy to sort that.

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

"This is Jenny, she's got a 50" Samsung TV," said no one ever, when introducing a friend.

This is 3D TV James, all the girls want to be with him and all the guys want to be him

sorry for the heteronormative joke x

 

[Veronicaaa]

Baby’s asleep on me so actually reading Jack’s book now, so many things feel a bit

View attachment 579221

this feels..... weird? Like your friends surely know a general jist of your circumstances so wouldn’t say this? It feels cruel. Defs didn’t happen as we’ve seen there are no friends other than PR Vix who’s probably just after the consultancy work <candy man.gif> she’ll be here in five after that

View attachment 579223

£390 feels like it would be close to a year of arrears? Feels too high...?

View attachment 579224

this is big Tory energy. How would you even know what year reg most people’s cars are...?! Or type of telly?! Give me strength!

Ugh, the first one - she's definitely that person we all know / knew who'd plead being 'poor right now' whenever it was their round.

The listing of possessions and status symbols when you meet someone says a lot more about Jack than it does anyone else.

 

[maytoseptember]

Baby’s asleep on me so actually reading Jack’s book now, so many things feel a bit

View attachment 579221

this feels..... weird? Like your friends surely know a general jist of your circumstances so wouldn’t say this? It feels cruel. Defs didn’t happen as we’ve seen there are no friends other than PR Vix who’s probably just after the consultancy work <candy man.gif> she’ll be here in five after that

View attachment 579223

£390 feels like it would be close to a year of arrears? Feels too high...?

View attachment 579224

this is big Tory energy. How would you even know what year reg most people’s cars are...?! Or type of telly?! Give me strength!

Wouldn’t surprise me if she’s writing about TVs because it used to be a “Benefits Scrounger” trope years ago.

“Oh! They’re so poor they need benefits but they have a 50 inch TV and an iPhone!!!”

 

[Nottonightbabe]

Baby’s asleep on me so actually reading Jack’s book now, so many things feel a bit

View attachment 579221

this feels..... weird? Like your friends surely know a general jist of your circumstances so wouldn’t say this? It feels cruel. Defs didn’t happen as we’ve seen there are no friends other than PR Vix who’s probably just after the consultancy work <candy man.gif> she’ll be here in five after that

View attachment 579223

£390 feels like it would be close to a year of arrears? Feels too high...?

View attachment 579224

this is big Tory energy. How would you even know what year reg most people’s cars are...?! Or type of telly?! Give me strength!

But I thought she came home to find the gas men breaking in to fit a key meter? Now she was in and someone rang the doorbell? Or was this a different time/debt? (Who bleeping Knows)

 

[Lanie]

Yeah, I have literally never heard anyone refer to the size of somebody's TV when introducing them. What parties is she going to?? Maybe it's a posh thing, idk. "Hi guys! I'm Jack - I'm a famous chef, activist and writer! I don't have a 3D TV or a fancy car but I do have a million tin cans, some lovely Cotswold sideboards and a designer scarf that I found in a puddle!"

She's hyacinth bucket. This my sister violet, with mercedes, swimming pool and room for a pony.

But because she's not as classy it's all about the size of the telly. This is my mate beryl she's got a 50 inch telly, 5 cotswolds and the drives a car with the same reg as the queen.

 

[indigomoon]

Yeah, I have literally never heard anyone refer to the size of somebody's TV when introducing them. What parties is she going to?? Maybe it's a posh thing, idk. "Hi guys! I'm Jack - I'm a famous chef, activist and writer! I don't have a 3D TV or a fancy car but I do have a million tin cans, some lovely Cotswold sideboards and a designer scarf that I found in a puddle!"

I think it says so much about what she actually wants in life. She wants the swanky house and the big car and the stupid sized tv so she can sit and flick her unwashed bean(s) whilst watching herself duck up every opportunity that came her way, but in her head it's FAME.

 

[L3moning]

I think it says so much about what she actually wants in life. She wants the swanky house and the big car and the stupid sized tv so she can sit and flick her unwashed bean(s) whilst watching herself duck up every opportunity that came her way, but in her head it's FAME.

Mental image!

And thing is, if Jack had that level of FAME I feel like they would end up even more unhappy, because of the attention it would bring. Reminds me (because everything does) of a song:




Specifically: "I went on the hunt for fame and fortune / Picked up the trail just fine / Now everywhere I go the doors fly open / but I want out once I'm inside"

 

[Cookiecookie]

Baby’s asleep on me so actually reading Jack’s book now, so many things feel a bit

View attachment 579221

this feels..... weird? Like your friends surely know a general jist of your circumstances so wouldn’t say this? It feels cruel. Defs didn’t happen as we’ve seen there are no friends other than PR Vix who’s probably just after the consultancy work <candy man.gif> she’ll be here in five after that

View attachment 579223

£390 feels like it would be close to a year of arrears? Feels too high...?

View attachment 579224

this is big Tory energy. How would you even know what year reg most people’s cars are...?! Or type of telly?! Give me strength!

I wonder if she knew that you had to pay bills at all? She seems to have run them up, and then done a runner every house she's had, like they're optional or something.

 

[Dogmuck]

this is big Tory energy. How would you even know what year reg most people’s cars are...?! Or type of telly?! Give me strength!

How old was she when she wrote this book? I had loads of second hand furniture given to me (gratefully) right up until my early 30s (not a piano though) We decked out pretty much our entire house in hand me downs and sub par furniture we bought from an auction (total cost £1000) and lived with the majority of that until we were close to 40. We were both working professionals. I am literally this week smashing up 2 god awful pine sets of drawers, that never opened or closed properly, we got in that auction haul 20+ years ago. I’m guessing she was in her mid 20s at this stage? Ffs, check your privilege witch! Also stop “perching” on the chest you twit, you has a sofa someone gave you!

 

[Falkor]

Baby’s asleep on me so actually reading Jack’s book now, so many things feel a bit

View attachment 579221

this feels..... weird? Like your friends surely know a general jist of your circumstances so wouldn’t say this? It feels cruel. Defs didn’t happen as we’ve seen there are no friends other than PR Vix who’s probably just after the consultancy work <candy man.gif> she’ll be here in five after that

View attachment 579223

£390 feels like it would be close to a year of arrears? Feels too high...?

View attachment 579224

this is big Tory energy. How would you even know what year reg most people’s cars are...?! Or type of telly?! Give me strength!

My electricity direct debit has just gone up to £215 a month from £195 - old electric heating systems can be ridiculously expensive to run. But I seem to remember she said she was on gas? Or are all utilities interchangeable as well as herbs?