Jack Monroe #188 Jack sits on a train of lies

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Switchstreetz

LJC and the wee bechamel making donkey! please tell me you're not going to make someone eat these
 
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Reactions: 55

Hootrena

There's enough there for another 12! Don't think she's made these at all
 
Reactions: 41

NP

The thought of tomatoey milky muffins makes me feel ill. Thank you for your commitment to the cabal @PoorPatrol
 
Reactions: 52

Vanelope

At least we know there was kitchen hygiene involved so less chance of salmonella or tetanus than in Jack’s kitchen
 
Reactions: 35

PoorPatrol

What’s done is done, once and done!

If you don’t like me because I’m a white person with tattoos, that’s your lookout. I’m actually helping people here, and I’m BUSY! I’ll be limiting replies to this because I worked 20 hours doing this for free. Time to play kickyball and have a piss and a sandwich. No. I will not be eating these, I’ll be writing POOR PATROL all over them and donating them to Terry the Sparrow’s family, but it’s not my news to share! Please leave me alone....


Did they rise? No. They weren’t supposed to


Are they slimy inside, despite being cooked for 25 mins (recipe says 18-22 for bigger) and starting to burn? Yes. It’s Greek!

Thats all. I’ve now got burnout, and an ouchy mouth. This is a hellsite, I hope you’re all happy with yourselves.
Rattle! Rattle!
 
Reactions: 171

Jelly Bean


Oh dear they do look as foul as we all feared.
Are you sure you used the right milk dear heart?
 
Reactions: 65

Hollaaa

Not sure that thickened up in the oven. It does look softy soft though.
 
Reactions: 39

Vanelope

Bung it in a curry. I will send you a lion bar as compensation
 
Reactions: 46

PoorPatrol

Jelly Bean said:

Oh dear they do look as foul as we all feared.
Are you sure you used the right milk dear heart?
Click to expand...
I used soya, because Jack recommended it for this recipe. She said don’t use hazelnut as it would be “ghastly” which shows how bloody working class she is, mate.
 
Reactions: 67

Mr Krabs

AdultHumanFemale said:
My current favourite shit recipe from Monroe is the beautiful abomination:

Tinned steak, mango* and black bean curry

*(Any other orange fruits will also do, see recipe!)

View attachment 569286View attachment 569287

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I know I say this a lot but what the fuck was the point of that recipe? Stewed beef in tins is glorified dog food and costs about the same as a packet of mince or a cheap cut of beef that you can stick in the slow cooker. I know it’s your niche and all but this is like, deliberately shit.
 
Reactions: 40

Pocahontas

Moderator
Facking hell

You must have done the recipe wrong, PP. It ain’t Jack’s fault.
 
Reactions: 58

PoorPatrol

I’m actually hooting at this, I’ve tried to nibble round the crisper edges to see if the taste works etc. yes, it does. Tomatoes and herbs with Plenty of Black Pepper™️ work, in principle. It’s more of a technological failure, and I must say I’m an experienced and bloody good cook. I make massive poofy floofy Yorkshire puddings, good cakes, nice dinner for my family most evenings.

I’ve reverse engineered it, and found the cause. Diagnosis: slop!
Slop does not a good bake make. This is why all of her cakes need to be covered in more slop to cover the problems caused by the slop, it’s a vicious cycle

I had to measure them. Jack says cook for 18-22 mins and leave for 10 mins. Then cut in half like a scone... I’m not sure how i would cut these in half. Perhaps the Brambly mice could help out with their little swords?

 
Reactions: 83

Captainmouse

misshydrangea said:
Thread is pure fire today frauen. I stupidly looked at my phone and read a few posts whilst on a zoom call with my camera ON and had to very quickly, softly and gently, turn the camera OFF due to the very visible hysteria.
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The other very important rule of tattle, avoid consumption of liquid, can be near fatal
 
Reactions: 34

fauxpoor

PoorPatrol said:
I used soya, because Jack recommended it for this recipe. She said don’t use hazelnut as it would be “ghastly” which shows how bloody working class she is, mate.
Click to expand...
Genuine hysteria triggered by this recipe.
Pure quality poor patrol.
Now eat one, go on I dare you!
 
Reactions: 42
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