Jack Monroe #188 Jack sits on a train of lies

Status
Thread locked. We start a new thread when they have over 1000 posts, click the blue button to see all threads for this topic and find the latest open thread.
New to Tattle Life? Click "Order Thread by Most Liked Posts" button below to get an idea of what the site is about:
Now, you sad little hausfraus, if you thought I was going to do my usual senselessly minuscule portions, please think again and #bekind

I have surprised you all, by making so much slop, that there’s still loads more left after filling TWELVE muffin tins!

And Louisa J Christ on a bike proclaimed, let there be slop!

View attachment 569308
LJC and the wee bechamel making donkey! please tell me you're not going to make someone eat these 😭
 
Last edited:
  • Haha
  • Like
Reactions: 55
Now, you sad little hausfraus, if you thought I was going to do my usual senselessly minuscule portions, please think again and #bekind

I have surprised you all, by making so much slop, that there’s still loads more left after filling TWELVE muffin tins!

And Louisa J Christ on a bike proclaimed, let there be slop!

View attachment 569308
There's enough there for another 12! Don't think she's made these at all 🤔
 
  • Haha
  • Like
Reactions: 41
The thought of tomatoey milky muffins makes me feel ill. Thank you for your commitment to the cabal @PoorPatrol
 
  • Like
  • Haha
  • Heart
Reactions: 52
At least we know there was kitchen hygiene involved so less chance of salmonella or tetanus than in Jack’s kitchen
 
  • Like
  • Haha
  • Heart
Reactions: 35
What’s done is done, once and done!

If you don’t like me because I’m a white person with tattoos, that’s your lookout. I’m actually helping people here, and I’m BUSY! I’ll be limiting replies to this because I worked 20 hours doing this for free. Time to play kickyball and have a piss and a sandwich. No. I will not be eating these, I’ll be writing POOR PATROL all over them and donating them to Terry the Sparrow’s family, but it’s not my news to share! Please leave me alone....

5632539E-64CE-49C9-9F1E-C943E0568443.jpeg

Did they rise? No. They weren’t supposed to 🙃
399ECAED-9958-4B20-BB54-88D0E0DE804F.jpeg


Are they slimy inside, despite being cooked for 25 mins (recipe says 18-22 for bigger) and starting to burn? Yes. It’s Greek!
5D740B39-3565-41CF-90B3-2E4B59E9CF0D.jpeg

Thats all. I’ve now got burnout, and an ouchy mouth. This is a hellsite, I hope you’re all happy with yourselves.
Rattle! Rattle!
 
  • Haha
  • Sick
  • Like
Reactions: 171
What’s done is done, once and done!

If you don’t like me because I’m a white person with tattoos, that’s your lookout. I’m actually helping people here, and I’m BUSY! I’ll be limiting replies to this because I worked 20 hours doing this for free. Time to play kickyball and have a piss and a sandwich. No. I will not be eating these, I’ll be writing POOR PATROL all over them and donating them to Terry the Sparrow’s family, but it’s not my news to share! Please leave me alone....

View attachment 569323
Did they rise? No. They weren’t supposed to 🙃
View attachment 569325

Are they slimy inside, despite being cooked for 25 mins (recipe says 18-22 for bigger) and starting to burn? Yes. It’s Greek!
View attachment 569326
Thats all. I’ve now got burnout, and an ouchy mouth. This is a hellsite, I hope you’re all happy with yourselves.
Rattle! Rattle!
:sick:
Oh dear they do look as foul as we all feared.
Are you sure you used the right milk dear heart?
 
  • Haha
  • Like
Reactions: 65
What’s done is done, once and done!

If you don’t like me because I’m a white person with tattoos, that’s your lookout. I’m actually helping people here, and I’m BUSY! I’ll be limiting replies to this because I worked 20 hours doing this for free. Time to play kickyball and have a piss and a sandwich. No. I will not be eating these, I’ll be writing POOR PATROL all over them and donating them to Terry the Sparrow’s family, but it’s not my news to share! Please leave me alone....

View attachment 569323
Did they rise? No. They weren’t supposed to 🙃
View attachment 569325

Are they slimy inside, despite being cooked for 25 mins (recipe says 18-22 for bigger) and starting to burn? Yes. It’s Greek!
View attachment 569326
Thats all. I’ve now got burnout, and an ouchy mouth. This is a hellsite, I hope you’re all happy with yourselves.
Rattle! Rattle!
Not sure that thickened up in the oven. It does look softy soft though.
 
  • Like
  • Haha
Reactions: 39
What’s done is done, once and done!

If you don’t like me because I’m a white person with tattoos, that’s your lookout. I’m actually helping people here, and I’m BUSY! I’ll be limiting replies to this because I worked 20 hours doing this for free. Time to play kickyball and have a piss and a sandwich. No. I will not be eating these, I’ll be writing POOR PATROL all over them and donating them to Terry the Sparrow’s family, but it’s not my news to share! Please leave me alone....

View attachment 569323
Did they rise? No. They weren’t supposed to 🙃
View attachment 569325

Are they slimy inside, despite being cooked for 25 mins (recipe says 18-22 for bigger) and starting to burn? Yes. It’s Greek!
View attachment 569326
Thats all. I’ve now got burnout, and an ouchy mouth. This is a hellsite, I hope you’re all happy with yourselves.
Rattle! Rattle!
Bung it in a curry. I will send you a lion bar as compensation
 
  • Like
  • Haha
Reactions: 46
:sick:
Oh dear they do look as foul as we all feared.
Are you sure you used the right milk dear heart?
I used soya, because Jack recommended it for this recipe. She said don’t use hazelnut as it would be “ghastly” which shows how bloody working class she is, mate.
 
  • Haha
  • Like
  • Heart
Reactions: 67
My current favourite tit recipe from Monroe is the beautiful abomination:

Tinned steak, mango* and black bean curry

*(Any other orange fruits will also do, see recipe!)

View attachment 569286View attachment 569287

🤮
I know I say this a lot but what the duck was the point of that recipe? Stewed beef in tins is glorified dog food and costs about the same as a packet of mince or a cheap cut of beef that you can stick in the slow cooker. I know it’s your niche and all but this is like, deliberately tit.
 
  • Like
  • Haha
Reactions: 40
On what planet does mango and beef taste good together? I'm against meat and fruit combinations at the best of times, so I'm not sure if I'm overreacting but...
 
  • Haha
  • Like
  • Heart
Reactions: 41
What’s done is done, once and done!

If you don’t like me because I’m a white person with tattoos, that’s your lookout. I’m actually helping people here, and I’m BUSY! I’ll be limiting replies to this because I worked 20 hours doing this for free. Time to play kickyball and have a piss and a sandwich. No. I will not be eating these, I’ll be writing POOR PATROL all over them and donating them to Terry the Sparrow’s family, but it’s not my news to share! Please leave me alone....

View attachment 569323
Did they rise? No. They weren’t supposed to 🙃
View attachment 569325

Are they slimy inside, despite being cooked for 25 mins (recipe says 18-22 for bigger) and starting to burn? Yes. It’s Greek!
View attachment 569326
Thats all. I’ve now got burnout, and an ouchy mouth. This is a hellsite, I hope you’re all happy with yourselves.
Rattle! Rattle!
Facking hell 😂

You must have done the recipe wrong, PP. It ain’t Jack’s fault.
 
  • Haha
  • Like
Reactions: 58
I’m actually hooting at this, I’ve tried to nibble round the crisper edges to see if the taste works etc. yes, it does. Tomatoes and herbs with Plenty of Black Pepper™️ work, in principle. It’s more of a technological failure, and I must say I’m an experienced and bloody good cook. I make massive poofy floofy Yorkshire puddings, good cakes, nice dinner for my family most evenings.

I’ve reverse engineered it, and found the cause. Diagnosis: slop!
Slop does not a good bake make. This is why all of her cakes need to be covered in more slop to cover the problems caused by the slop, it’s a vicious cycle 😢

I had to measure them. Jack says cook for 18-22 mins and leave for 10 mins. Then cut in half like a scone... I’m not sure how i would cut these in half. Perhaps the Brambly mice could help out with their little swords?

072F2868-F02C-4374-9283-2424388E03D9.jpeg
 
  • Haha
  • Like
  • Wow
Reactions: 83
Thread is pure fire today frauen. I stupidly looked at my phone and read a few posts whilst on a zoom call with my camera ON and had to very quickly, softly and gently, turn the camera OFF due to the very visible hysteria.
The other very important rule of tattle, avoid consumption of liquid, can be near fatal
 
  • Haha
  • Like
  • Heart
Reactions: 34
I used soya, because Jack recommended it for this recipe. She said don’t use hazelnut as it would be “ghastly” which shows how bloody working class she is, mate.
Genuine hysteria triggered by this recipe.
Pure quality poor patrol.
Now eat one, go on I dare you!
 
  • Like
  • Haha
Reactions: 42
Status
Thread locked. We start a new thread when they have over 1000 posts, click the blue button to see all threads for this topic and find the latest open thread.