Jack Monroe #183 Someone's fewmmin'

[Eurgh]

My mum used to fancy Terry duckworth, in my memory he's quite, sweaty?

He was hot.

 

[Harrybosch]

But you have to use a credit card to confirm a booking. Unless she used her Go Henry card. Or she is booked in under Louisa's name.


Nah, she's at home.

You keep telling yourself that if it makes you sleep easier. We all know where she really is. #nooneissafe

Like @MancBee said, where's the coke and the pepsi? It's strange they wouldnt have at least one can of each, yet lots of kombacha. I have never had it and I rarely see it in my local stores. It's an odd choice for a hotel to put into their fridge.

Also does her poor northern Irish pixie know the Mournes are ablaze? Wonder if she will tweet that,

All I'd want is a San Pellegrino limonata or an orangina in a bottle. Is that too much to ask for?

 

[MancBee]

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If you look closely at the picture of the fridge door you can see at the top right hand corner what appears to be a picture rail. The crappy bungalow has a picture rail in the dining room. We know the massive fridge isn't in the kitchen, apparently it wouldn't fit.

Just saying.

 

[Zelda]

My mum used to fancy Terry duckworth, in my memory he's quite, sweaty?

He was attractive in that way that you know you shouldn’t fancy him, but you do anyway. Classic bad boy. You’d have a lot of fun before you woke up alone, broke and broken hearted, probably with a baby on the way, or an STD.

Terry, not Nigel. Sitting a couple of tables away from him for a few hours, a couple of decades ago doesn’t give me enough to go on* (he looked like a laugh though).

* although in JackWorld, I guess that means I’m his ex-wife.

 

[Shawads]

I've tried reading Jack's "poetry" in a John Cooper Clark voice rather than the adenoidal tremble

It actually makes it less terrible. I wonder if that was her goal? Edgy people's poet rather than teenage angst.

Although, JCC could read the phone book and I'd still love it

I was doing it my head as a rap. Spitting bars if you will.

 

[Readingismyhobby]

I wasn’t expecting Alanis Morrisette jack. What a treat.
I’m wondering is it a Marriott Hotel?
And why would she need to stay in a fake name??

I’ve just realised- she’s on jury duty, isn’t she??

I think she is “under “ witness protection

 

[bowiethesdmn]

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Hey hey- fancy username

I want one how do we get this it's not FAIR

*huffs off performatively*

 

[Skyfall]

You ain’t seen me... right!’

 

[Captainmouse]

Imagine opening a hotel fridge, looking for some nice refreshments, and finding a row of bleeping Yakult? WTF?

BTW Jack, you have good grounds for a complaint here. These bottles in the bottom right have been opened. Unsanitary at the best of times, but extremely bad form in a pandemic! What is this hotel playing at, eh?

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Unless mackie has put them in?

 

[Shawads]

You keep telling yourself that if it makes you sleep easier. We all know where she really is. #nooneissafe




All I'd want is a San Pellegrino limonata or an orangina in a bottle. Is that too much to ask for?

Bit gauche darling, you can buy those in any wetherspoons now dontcha know?
Really top bougie hotels provide a full course of yakults, a sportsperson energy drink and cans of fermented tea.
And a couple of limes.
And space for your bagged herb.

 

[Lanie]

If you look closely at the picture of the fridge door you can see at the top right hand corner what appears to be a picture rail. The crappy bungalow has a picture rail in the dining room. We know the massive fridge isn't in the kitchen, apparently it wouldn't fit.

Just saying.

She does make me chuckle the way one would when their child is being weird and you don't know what to do.

 

[MaineCoonMama]

Parsley though? I don't get it, eh. Your own decaf coffee, sweetener, sriracha I understand. She's just so weird.

 

[Lumpyspaceprincess]

Didn’t they ID her by her tattoos. Or her face because she’s so bleeping famous - NOT!

You’re not Nadia love....

 

[Carmina-Piranha]

I wonder what her assumed name for mystery hotel stays is? Jack Monroe is pretty generic as far as names go really. Also, what hotel has a Smeg? (I hate that word too @bowiethesdmn ) If they have fridges etc it's normally non branded, hotel supply equipment, not branded high end products (admittedly I've never stayed in a posh hotel though!)

I can imagine the hotel staff really excited among themselves going "yes, Jack Monroe, the Hollywood film producer, and Marvel character...."
And up bounds our lil smol pixie to the reception desk with eleventy-hundred rucksacks all beeping cos of Tiles innit, and packed with 100's of DelMonte tins, pairs of clown trazzers, boxes of secret vegan crackling and for light bedtime reading, THAT MAN'S entire back catalogue.

 

[Cookiecookie]

I think she is “under “ witness protection

She's hiding from the Onion Police

 

[Emmapism]

If you take this 'hotel stay' at face value- something it's always tricky to do with Mendacious Monroe- then that's a lot of drinks for a short stay.

Maybe she will be at the Linton Travel Tavern longer than planned

I really don't care to be honest.

 

[Mitzymooface]

You keep telling yourself that if it makes you sleep easier. We all know where she really is. #nooneissafe




All I'd want is a San Pellegrino limonata or an orangina in a bottle. Is that too much to ask for?

Blood Orange one for me please!

 

[Mogmog]

It must be a pretty spenny hotel judging by those drinks in the Smeg fridge

 

[Carmina-Piranha]

...that's a lot of drinks for a short stay.

...and a hell of a lot of sandwiches and a piss

 

[PoorPatrol]

I’ve just realised. That’s not a minibar fridge. It’s the inside door of a full size Smeg fridge freezer. She’s making the whole bleeping thing up. Groundbreaking.