I’ve never taken drugs. MH means i was on prescribed mind-altering things for a while in my 20s so didn’t want the risk. My friends used to go off to parties and have coke or MDMA and one said to me seriously that they were at a party and everyone had got a bit dull and boring so they took coke and had a great time til 4am. My question was that if they liked those people they wouldn’t need to take drugs to enjoy being with them. So why bother? My best friends I have a great time with without drinking. Now I don’t like drinking with people I don’t know, but I used to. Along with my rule about ‘nothing good happens after 2am so go to bed’ the ‘you don’t need to drink to enjoy your real friends’ is another one I think stands up. I’m a big square I know.
Jack Monroe #170 Outrageous grifting dirtbag
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When you've listened to the podcast you will understand what is now my favourite quote 'it's never about the butty'. It makes so much sense for almost every difficult situation.
I think she has just been lucky to have met some influential people, and has charmed them with her smol, pixie, self deprecating love bombing. I bet she is a right brown nose, bum licky, groveler; fawning over anyone that can possibly get her a paid gig.She really must know some influential people, or some teait’s certainly not talent/merit based
They also feel sorry for her because they take her at face value and believe her poverty backstory. They do that as they don't know any other truly poor people for their frame of reference.
yeah I remember the erasmus/echange students who came to my uni were very shocked, especially around first year students (myself included) who had very little self control, it is so strange that we would basically aim to just go out and not remember anything. I look back at dangerous situations I put myself in while drinking and it just terrifies me how badly things could have gone. I have always wondered why this is the case TBH
I think this hits the nail on the head. It's very similar to reactions us vegans sometimes get from omnis. Me not having cow's milk has nothing to do with anyone, but some see it as a personal affront. Like I'm judging them because they have milk in their tea. I think that's also why they 'judgy vegan' stereotype is so enduring. Yes, of course judgemental vegans exist, but it's primarily people who project a lot and feel judged, even when they haven't been.
People who don't drink need to either have 'a good reason' (pregnancy, antibiotics, etc.) or they are 'boring'. It says a lot more about the person saying/thinking this than the person not drinking.
I feel attitudes around me are changing in that regard, but there's still a long way to go.
(I drank quite a bit in lockdown one. Have cut down massively - maybe have one or two glasses of wine a week now, some weeks I don't drink at all and I feel so much better. )
This is OT and I’m looking for advice re alcohol.
I have a friend who struggles with alcohol. He’s what I would call a functioning alcoholic (I know this is probably the wrong term). He doesn’t need to drink in the morning and holds a full time job down but as soon as he’s home he’s on the wine. First thing when he’s through the door. And he will drink two bottles a night every night. Some nights more.
He knows he has issues but you can’t approach him. I take it I shouldn’t say anything? I worry he’s killing himself.
He knows he has issues but you can’t approach him. I take it I shouldn’t say anything? I worry he’s killing himself.
I would maybe phrase it as like "I want to give up alcohol for a while as a health kick, can you join in to help me? we can join a gym together too etc etc"
It's awful, but in my experience (limited) there's little you can do and saying something probably won't make any difference. I feel for you. It's terrible to witness, especially when you care about someone.
I gave up alcohol for about 5 years after having kids. I was shocked how many people said things like "we'll soon fix that!". I was really happy, I'd been a binge drinker before that and was delighted to have stopped. I do drink a little now but have no plans ever to get intoxicated again. In some ways when I was teetotal I felt ahead of the curve as it's pretty rare not to drink in my age group but much more common for younger people.
One of the worst things is that there are very few interesting answers to "Why don't you drink?" It's a total conversation killer - the answer is usually either unremarkable or sad and highly personal.
I will say, BTW, that although I think British and Irish cultures have a particularly big problem with alcohol, "why don't you drink?" is common here, too. We have a lot less binge-drinking, and people getting blackout drunk is not such a thing, but alcohol is very much a part of everyday life, and if you don't drink, you will get the questions.
I suppose it's the equivalent of "but don't you miss bacon?" for our vegan friends. There are so many millions of more interesting questions to ask!
I will say, BTW, that although I think British and Irish cultures have a particularly big problem with alcohol, "why don't you drink?" is common here, too. We have a lot less binge-drinking, and people getting blackout drunk is not such a thing, but alcohol is very much a part of everyday life, and if you don't drink, you will get the questions.
I suppose it's the equivalent of "but don't you miss bacon?" for our vegan friends. There are so many millions of more interesting questions to ask!
I miss Cadbury's Dairy Milk Caramel bars. Nothing comes close to those bad boys!!! (Why is it always bacon, though? Why is that the one that is always asked over?!)
omg that question was the bane of my life when I was vegetarian, I eat meat now but probably haven't eaten bacon for about 20 years regardless, I don't get the obsession!
Thanks. I guess this is the answer I was expecting and I think I just needed to be told that what I was thinking was probably right. He gets grief from his partner abs their son about it and that hasn’t spurred him into doing anything so my words would add nothing. It’s awful.
Re the ‘not Jack’ ... I mean, I’m open to them being Jack or her housemate - it would add up, and there’s plenty of circumstantial evidence.
Buuuuut equally, I’m also open to it not being Jack and just someone who reads here, knows what to post (bowls of granola, etc.) and likes the attention - likes messing with the thread. The Internet houses a lot of, how shall we say it, strange folk.
We shall see, hey.
Buuuuut equally, I’m also open to it not being Jack and just someone who reads here, knows what to post (bowls of granola, etc.) and likes the attention - likes messing with the thread. The Internet houses a lot of, how shall we say it, strange folk.
We shall see, hey.
Now this is juicy gossip
Very little you can do, in my experience. What I *would* suggest is that if/when you see him, try suggesting doing things which don't include drink. Going to the cinema is always a good one, although more difficult at the moment, obviously, but perhaps going for a walk or something. But I just wouldn't drink around him - like, if you're at his house and you're offered a glass of wine, refuse it, not in a pointed way or anything, but it can help normalise his drinking (in his own mind) if he's around people who are also partaking. Don't know how much help that is, but there are very few ways to get through to problem drinkers, they have to recognise it's a problem themselves.
I'm the same as Mr Bol, just don't like the taste of it. Everything from beer to wine to gin to peach schnapps just tastes identically sour and horrible. The only time I've ever got a glimmer of what it might be like for someone with working tastebuds is when we were on our way back from holiday in December 2019 and had a night in a posh hotel to break up the very long journey home from the Indian Ocean to the top of Scotland. The red wine Mr F wanted with supper only came by the bottle, so I said I'd have a glass to help out. Drank about 2/3rds of it with the main course, same thing, just tasted sour. Got to dessert, which for me was chocolate-based, and took a mouthful of wine while I still had chocolate in my mouth. And oh my God, the difference was unbelievable, it was suddenly gorgeous! I haven't repeated the experiment since because I have enough trouble keeping my waistline under control without adding a wine-and-chocolate habit
I’ve never known people drink so much as the expats. We drink a lot more here than at home and I know a few people that really struggle. I was talking to my friend today who really wrestles with drinking- he will often bring us the contents of his booze cabinet so that he can give up. Anyway he’s tried a few times this year with online groups etc and hasn’t managed to stop. It’s the middle of a pandemic and he’s trying to start a really difficult journey. I’m afraid I just said to give himself a break and he can’t do more than his best. Same to anyone struggling.
Jack is a clown- it’s not something to cosplay.
Jack is a clown- it’s not something to cosplay.
I've had this with my Mum. She gave up smoking and took up drinking. She's not a large lady and would get through 4 bottles of wine a week at first. Then 5/6.
Any time you mentioned it she would get super defensive and be really horrible to you. Because she wasn't getting blind drunk, or drinking LOADS (this is loads to me as someone who has the odd glass of wine a couple of times a month) she didn't see that there was a problem. But she was drinking every single day.
When I last spoke to my Dad about it she had cut down. But we haven't been able to have a proper chat about it because of lockdown/never having time alone to talk.
The last Christmas we all had together she got drunk and spent all of her time in the kitchen. My sister and I deliberately only had one glass of fizz but she bought loads even though neither of us are big drinkers.
She wouldn't take any help from us with cooking when offered/didn't ask for any. Then complained she had missed Christmas because she was in the kitchen the whole time. Snapped at my sister, started crying.....it was honestly the worst Christmas I've ever had.
I tried to smooth things over and she turned to me and said that she wished we hadn't come home for Christmas at all. I still think about that all the time.
Any time you mentioned it she would get super defensive and be really horrible to you. Because she wasn't getting blind drunk, or drinking LOADS (this is loads to me as someone who has the odd glass of wine a couple of times a month) she didn't see that there was a problem. But she was drinking every single day.
When I last spoke to my Dad about it she had cut down. But we haven't been able to have a proper chat about it because of lockdown/never having time alone to talk.
The last Christmas we all had together she got drunk and spent all of her time in the kitchen. My sister and I deliberately only had one glass of fizz but she bought loads even though neither of us are big drinkers.
She wouldn't take any help from us with cooking when offered/didn't ask for any. Then complained she had missed Christmas because she was in the kitchen the whole time. Snapped at my sister, started crying.....it was honestly the worst Christmas I've ever had.
I tried to smooth things over and she turned to me and said that she wished we hadn't come home for Christmas at all. I still think about that all the time.
You're right, I think. Sobriety and addiction are different for everyone, and I'm guilty of the odd 'it's like crack, that' but the flowery language reads like a bleeping Guardian feature written by someone who smoked a spliff once back in the 90s.
Addiction is often romanticised but in a sort of Trainspotting-y way, not this.
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