Jack Monroe #16 Queen of the freezer, bathtime teaser & blue tick pleaser

[PoorPatrol]

Fresh lemon? Fancy!

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No camp stove cooking with Jack?
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I'll have the salad bag pesto. And a self love stew.
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Kale salad. Lets all tit ourselves with joyous abandon

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If it isn't in a tin, it isn't worth having.

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I'm out of tinned peaches.

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Afternoon tea? Fancy
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I'm a cookery writer, I cook for depressipes.
Buy my book and skip along for you are supporting me.

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I'm sorry but I am immune compromised and simply cannot go out to buy 18 L of paint today

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OMG, my anchovy paste, it made my ovaries move north to Alaska.

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I am literally wheezing at these pics and captions

Jack chucking her walking stick on the floor and running towards her next fiancée

 

[Bellybutton lint]

I do apologise for the copious pics and captions. Went off on a bit of a tangent. Be well, sleep well and know that I think you are all fabulous.
Good night.

 

[Hunty]

She was absolutely amazing. I feel that way about Doris Day. There was nothing she couldn't do.

Love me a bit of Doris Day, Calamity Jane has got to be my all time favourite musical, I watched it over and over again as a child, even now nearly 30 years since I first watched it I still adore it

I do apologise for the copious pics and captions. Went off on a bit of a tangent. Be well, sleep well and know that I think you are all fabulous.
Good night.

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Plus they will be epic in the court documents and Jack's printer ink bills are about to riiiiise

 

[PoorPatrol]

I do apologise for the copious pics and captions. Went off on a bit of a tangent. Be well, sleep well and know that I think you are all fabulous.
Good night.

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They’re absolutely effing excellent!

 

[Bellybutton lint]

Oh sorry Matt. The broadband is acting up. I'll kick Mrs J off

 

[Readingismyhobby]

I will start

Author
Telly presenter
Cookery lecturer

Sponger
Liar
Serial fiancée

 

[Bellybutton lint]

Slop tonight at JMs house

Well Matt, bottled lemon has many uses. ....

 

[Nosy_af]

I made the salad bag pesto. You know, it was actually RANK. I followed her recipe, although I used well in date salad. It was green, but that's about it. The silver dollar pancakes were actually great, but she's no great innovator.

 

[J4n0Z]

Loving the Lucille Ball pics - she was a very funny and talented woman, that's for sure!

May be quicker to list the jobs JM doesn't claim to have had - she has quite some resume for a woman of 32.

(Eta - some words)

I made the salad bag pesto. You know, it was actually RANK. I followed her recipe, although I used well in date salad. It was green, but that's about it. The silver dollar pancakes were actually great, but she's no great innovator.

To be quite frank, that pesto looks utterly revolting. Slimy salad is particularly unpleasant and I can't imagine that blending it improves the texture!

 

[PoorPatrol]

I made the salad bag pesto. You know, it was actually RANK. I followed her recipe, although I used well in date salad. It was green, but that's about it. The silver dollar pancakes were actually great, but she's no great innovator.

No no no no no no noooooooo

The salad has to be MANKY. Understand? Mankyyyyyy. Don’t blame Saint Jack of the Poor for your incorrect interpretation of her fantastic and original recipe! Unless you’re looking at a bag of 50% E.coli then you’re too posh for it to work.

 

[chocolate choux]

No no no no no no noooooooo

The salad has to be MANKY. Understand? Mankyyyyyy. Don’t blame Saint Jack of the Poor for your incorrect interpretation of her fantastic and original recipe! Unless you’re looking at a bag of 50% E.coli then you’re too posh for it to work.

At least if it’s rotting it might have a bit more flavour? Her recipe sounds like it’d just be bland and soggy, maybe there’s method in the madness (at the risk of food poisoning!)

 

[colouredlines]

I made the salad bag pesto. You know, it was actually RANK. I followed her recipe, although I used well in date salad. It was green, but that's about it. The silver dollar pancakes were actually great, but she's no great innovator.

I just had a look at the salad bag pesto recipe. No cheese, no pine nuts (or any other nut, to save money) = no texture. Sunflower oil instead of olive oil. Just rotting veg and a bit of garlic.

It's sad. She just doesn't seem to like cooking. Her recent recipes in the Guardian all had these bizarrely basic errors, like simmering pasta or turning the heat up on bechamel before adding cheese. These are the basics of cooking, and after so many years of writing recipes, she still doesn't have a clue.

 

[LennyBriscoe]

Think this was Jack in disguise? View attachment 131530

I saw this earlier and that was my first thought too

 

[Nottonightbabe]

I just had a look at the salad bag pesto recipe. No cheese, no pine nuts (or any other nut, to save money) = no texture. Sunflower oil instead of olive oil. Just rotting veg and a bit of garlic.

It's sad. She just doesn't seem to like cooking. Her recent recipes in the Guardian all had these bizarrely basic errors, like simmering pasta or turning the heat up on bechamel before adding cheese. These are the basics of cooking, and after so many years of writing recipes, she still doesn't have a clue.

There's a wealth of information in all those cookbooks she has. You'd think she would have picked up these things? Strange.

 

[Peachy9]

Burger flipper
Barista
Sex worker
Sunday School teacher
Nightclub shots server
Chippy worker
Fire service control room operator
Campaigner
Activist
Political commentator
Food writer
Journalist

(All her words, not mine)

Photographer.. rip camera

 

[PoorPatrol]

Photographer.. rip camera

She was a dancer for 12 years

I mean, assuming she meant childhood really. Also. Dance costs a frigging fortune. Parents who don’t give a tit about their daughter don’t chuck x12 years of dance money at them. I’m sure they would have bought her a lightbulb.

 

[Pocahontas]

Keynote speaker while on tippy toes for 12 fecking minutes.

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

I made the salad bag pesto. You know, it was actually RANK. I followed her recipe, although I used well in date salad. It was green, but that's about it. The silver dollar pancakes were actually great, but she's no great innovator.

Sorry off topic but I love your user name, it sums most of us up here

 

[Raker]

Is there a job description for “pointlessly twatting around on Twitter for the length of a standard working day”?

 

[PineappleQueen19]

Earlier today an article in the Guardian food section was “Lockdown Larder”. Now it’s “Store Cupboard Recipes.” Did Jack have a word? If she did - and the article above it is hers so it’s likely she would have spotted it - so pathetic.

(Great recipes in the article btw - I want to make the chocolate cake https://www.theguardian.com/food/2020/may/16/quick-and-easy-cake-and-cookie-recipes-lockdown-larder)