Jack Monroe #16 Queen of the freezer, bathtime teaser & blue tick pleaser

[Saturn.]

Just because you can put random ingredients together doesn't make it a recipe. I really get the impression she just doesn't understand this sometimes.
I've bored you all with my story about when my daughter made me breakfast in bed when she was about 7 - it consisted of a burnt fried egg, marmalade and raisins sprinkled on top - but it really didn't look dissimilar to that picture. About as bizarre.

I have been giving this a lot of thought, and I think the perfect vehicle to relaunch Jack's TV career could be that seminal 90s series 'Get Stuffed'.

Fond memories of watching this at 2am, straight after Prisoner Cell Block H. I think Jack could thrive as lead presenter in a reboot of this student classic.


Egg in a Mess - Bad Food for Any Day


Corned Beef - The Prequel

 

[Harrybosch]

Who commissions her?! That looks like something I would produce so where’s my book deal? I could call it “Cop Come Cook: Lenny Briscoe; The Egg Years”.
I’m almost afraid to ask but what’s the bottom layer??

It's Bourdain mash, Lenny. Pay attention.

 

[Nottonightbabe]

I can imagine the stewssaka
And balaclavabaklava almost made me laugh up a lung!

Do you think they’re the Real McCoy’s (~fancy~) or some supermarket brand crinkle cut crisps?
Which flavour do we think she plumped for? Cheese and onion? Thai sweet chicken? Chip shop curry sauce?

They were jalapeno apparently

 

[Begborrowsteal]

Seems she does actually have friends, someone called Georgi said she wished she had stayed longer for the mash I aint breaking lockdown for her slop.

 

[MarmiteExtract]

When I read jalapeno crisps in the description, I thought it meant sliced jalapenos that had been dehydrated or fried to be cripsy. I've had to look at this picture far too long to realise that I think she's just referring to crumbled up potato crisps with I assume jalapeno flavour? For the record, your honour, I object! I object!

I thought the same! I was like, fair play to her, she’s experimenting with different textures in her cooking there - it’s not just slop for once. But no...

 

[PennyLoafer]

I grow weary now. Bring on the apocalypse.

Although this one did make me laugh. Louis, sweetheart, you might as well chuck in chopped burnt tyre rubber and spit on it; it won't make a difference at this stage.

As others have said, the Bourdain thing - wow. A bad-taste insult to his talent and his memory. If she dares to frame this monstrosity in her book as a depressipe tribute to him, I will be writing to her publisher.

 

[chocolate choux]

They were jalapeno apparently

Very foreign and fancy

I bet she butchers the pronunciation of jalapeño

 

[Mustard]

Just tried to buy some from Ocado and it’s sold out! The hausfrau influencer has been born....

which brand? I cannot get into my Ocado account.

 

[Harrybosch]

I grow weary now. Bring on the apocalypse.

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Although this one did make me laugh. Louis, sweetheart, you might as well chuck in chopped burnt tyre rubber and spit on it; it won't make a difference at this stage.

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Just remember, these are the same people that ask whether they can use a stockpot instead of as stock cube or if self-raising flour works for making gravy. The utterly clueless.

 

[Mustard]

Just been and stuck a jar in my trolley. Have a shop coming in a few weeks. Like the sound of this.

I noticed that Waitrose have a highly rated passion fruit frozen yogurt too.

 

[emm]

I live in a very hot part of Australia, so ignore a lot of this tbh Bread goes in the freezer though because it's nicer than if it's been in the fridge. Potatoes go in the fridge, but I don't buy great sacks of them. They ferment rapidly if put in a cupboard - delightful! When I was in the UK we had one of those potato bags you can buy at the poundshop *so fancy* which worked well

I used to live in Australia and we kept almost everything in the fridge just because of all the cockroaches/ various bugs etc that would appear otherwise

 

[HarderFaster]

Last night me and some mates spent a good 25 mins on the group chat trying to guess the spice (photo my friend had sent of a jar which expired in 2013... nice) and we were like "bleeping hell, lockdown has actually sent us mad if this is what consists of fun now", but at least we weren't lauding a Z-list compulsive liar as a gastronomic wunderkind for crumbling up crisps on a bowl of slop. That's when you know you've cracked.

bleeping crisps!

 

[Petelgeuse]

What on earth is this slop? And it is in her BOOK? UGH

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Just added sliced Peperami to my porridge. #edge

 

[Brian Butterfield]

It was the crisps sprinkled on top that tickled me, were they to add texture?

I thought it was dried banana

 

[Breakdance Badass]

As others have said, the Bourdain thing - wow. A bad-taste insult to his talent and his memory. If she dares to frame this monstrosity in her book as a depressipe tribute to him, I will be writing to her publisher.

Im bloody raging how dare she mention Bourdain. I loved him and I think he would be horrified by her horse spunk cooker!

Last night I was telling my husband about horse spunkgate and he commented it’s obvious I’ve not been out the house in over a month

I thought it was dried banana

So did I!!!

 

[emm]

Just added sliced Peperami to my porridge. #edge

Just prepare yourself for a slot on DK and various book deals

Im bloody raging how dare she mention Bourdain. I loved him and I think he would be horrified by her horse spunk cooker!

Last night I was telling my husband about horse spunkgate and he commented it’s obvious I’ve not been out the house in over a month


So did I!!!

As I read here laughing to myself, I can see my partner thinking the same

 

[poppycat]

As others have said, the Bourdain thing - wow. A bad-taste insult to his talent and his memory. If she dares to frame this monstrosity in her book as a depressipe tribute to him, I will be writing to her publisher.

Such dreadful bad taste to even mention him in the same sentence as her ridiculous *depressipes* - she really has no shame
And to refer to that plate of revolting slop as containing "Bourdain mash" - there are no words.

 

[emm]

Such dreadful bad taste to even mention him in the same sentence as her ridiculous *depressipes* - she really has no shame
And to refer to that plate of revolting slop as containing "Bourdain mash" - there are no words.

He must be spinning in his grave

 

[Bellybutton lint]

I wonder if Matt is breathing a sigh of relief that he will never have to work with that JM again.

 

[Saturn.]

As others have said, the Bourdain thing - wow. A bad-taste insult to his talent and his memory. If she dares to frame this monstrosity in her book as a depressipe tribute to him, I will be writing to her publisher.

Im bloody raging how dare she mention Bourdain. I loved him and I think he would be horrified by her horse spunk cooker!

Such dreadful bad taste to even mention him in the same sentence as her ridiculous *depressipes* - she really has no shame
And to refer to that plate of revolting slop as containing "Bourdain mash" - there are no words.

He must be spinning in his grave

We must hope that associating herself with deceased chefs who can't sue doesn't become a trend. What next 'My nod to Michel Roux's Soufflé Suissesse'?