Jack Monroe #145 Mamapapa, why is all the food brown?

[Lanie]

She is the queen of bollocks that much I do know.

She talks it
She thinks it
She makes it.

Absolute bollocks.

Her next book should be called "alot of old bollocks" I think it would be a hit.

 

[PoorPatrol]

View attachment 417020

She measures the angles of the slop, mate!

 

[Pixieboots]

 

[PoorPatrol]

The most perfect use of that gif ever! Everybody clapped

 

[MancBee]

I really would not be able to survive a single day without applying Pythagoras!!! I might even change my username to Hypotenuse.

The teacher turning up at the doorstep, yeah, right. That is another film scene set in a
preferably Northern industrial setting, Miss Monroe working in a factory and SB as a gifted child and a very dedicated teacher who walks along a cobbled street to drop off books, knocking at the door "Miss?! It is Miss Cunningham, SB's teacher. I thought I'd give you those...your SB is a lovely and talented fella, I know you are not able to read and write and only know Pythagoras, but this might help him."

Miss Cunningham stood on the doorstep, trembling with excitement, hardly able to contain her emotions.
Jack was full of trepidation as she opened the door, frightened that it was a debt collector, did she mention she had previously had debts? She let out a sigh of relief when she realised it was small boy's teacher, not some burly bailiff, she said quietly "what can have possibly brought you to our door in the middle of a pandemic?".
Miss Cunningham looked at Jack and with tears in her eyes said "The staff at the school have had a meeting and I was asked to come around and convey the most amazing news."
"What can it possibly be?" Jack said fearful that the news might be something that will have her screeching, sobbing and clawing at the floor.
"Don't look so concerned" said Miss Cunningham "your small boy has been diagnosed as gifted"
Jack smiled wryly "is that all?" she said "I was diagnosed gifted at a much younger age" and then went on to bore Miss Cunningham to death with her stories of her dead granddad and dusty aunt Helen.

 

[Minky McMoneypenny]

I find her approach to her Patreon offensive. It's something which requires a lot of dedication and organisation and plenty of other people seem to be more than capable of running fantastic Patreons with really good rewards tiers. At this point, if squiggles are still being hoodwinked even though they're getting absolutely zilch in return, more fool them. She seems to treat it like a personal charity and wants the best for nothing.

I follow an artist on facebook and they are really diligent and care about providing excellent content to patreons. Exclusives, advance access to artwork going on sale, videos showing techniques, time lapse videos, sketchbook clubs - all for £5 a month. Plus it shows clearly the number of patreons and monthly earnings. It shows what a good patreon account should look like.

 

[Nottonightbabe]

Even Pythagoras didn't use Pythagoras' Theorem on a daily basis, what a load of tosh.

It's just the most complicated sounding term she could remember from school.

 

[HarderFaster]

I hated every second I had to do Maths but a quick Google informs me that Pythagoras' Theorem can be used by window cleaners, and painters/decorators to work out how tall a ladder they need to work safely. Given that Jack is neither of these things, I am just going to assume that she's full of tit, as I believe she is in literally every single area of her life.

 

[girolle]

I follow an artist on facebook and they are really diligent and care about providing excellent content to patreons. Exclusives, advance access to artwork going on sale, videos showing techniques, time lapse videos, sketchbook clubs - all for £5 a month. Plus it shows clearly the number of patreons and monthly earnings. It shows what a good patreon account should look like.

That's lovely to hear because I can just imagine how fulfilling it must be for them to be able to share their work with happy customers and create that professional dialogue. People putting the effort in really do show Jack up and I think that's why she tries to keep as many people 'out of her niche' as possible.

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

The six-month Del Monte partnership is going really well since the 9th December announcement. Almost two months later and we've had two polls already. Amazing.

 

[waffle maker]

Nobody uses Pythagerous every day, not even maths teachers. If she did she would be mentioning it constantly.

If she ever sent out the patreon postcards she would be mentioning those too.

If she had a positive COVID test she would be posting that.

etc etc,

@essexgirl101 approximately how many times a day, on average, did you see Jack use Pythagoras’ Theorum pls?

 

[Charitas]

Why would a teacher be taking time out of their day to drop round books like she’s royalty? All of the homeschooling is online - if anything the teacher would be advising of further online reading / activities wouldn’t they?

Exactly, our very lovely headmaster has been robust in his refusal to add any more pressure on the teachers who are teaching in school as well as doing all the online work. Plus to be honest my yr6 child is studying Victorians and reading the story of the boy who inspired Dr Barnardos and looking at Lowry for Art . We have
Looked at documentaries and stuff from the British Library . Most of us could find plenty of stuff online if needed . He has also been skyping/ on Minecraft to catch up with friends and dragged out for chilly walks. I admit that I'm lucky in that his older brother has been checking his maths and am glad they can play together still. They are really missing their friends now and long distance family and I'm much more concerned with their mental health than quality of work

 

[colouredlines]

I'm so happy, my favourite Jack lies are the inane, pointless Pub Bore style lies. They're funny and ridiculous as opposed to actively harmful to the poor/people with EDs/the LGBT community/people with autism etc etc.

Keep 'em coming, Jack!

PS I'm glad to hear that SB is doing so well at his work, given that he couldn't spell basic words or use capital letters correctly during his dream burger planning just a few months ago...or could his mum have been...lying?!

 

[Minky McMoneypenny]

how the hell does anyone, let alone a person who spends all day napping and tweeting, use pythagoras every day?!

some of these lies are just completely pointless!

She uses Pythagoras ever day to TRIANGULATE the cabal!

ETA - sorry, I was well behind everyone else on that one

 

[blurstoftimes]

I'm so happy, my favourite Jack lies are the inane, pointless Pub Bore style lies. They're funny and ridiculous as opposed to actively harmful to the poor/people with EDs/the LGBT community/people with autism etc etc.

Keep 'em coming, Jack!

PS I'm glad to hear that SB is doing so well at his work, given that he couldn't spell basic words or use capital letters correctly during his dream burger planning just a few months ago...or could his mum have been...lying?!

Also glad to hear that her son is now acting as admin assistant. Given that her previous admin was only a pair of hands, I can only imagine how prolific her work output will be now that she has an assistant who also possesses legs, eyes, ears and a nose. And to think some people are finding home schooling tough!

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

Caroline, sorting out the post in the crappy bungalow, pre-furlough:

 

[waffle maker]

SB gonna be getting the blame for late parcels soon, then he’ll get furloughed to his dad’s.

 

[SoulRebel]

I'm so happy, my favourite Jack lies are the inane, pointless Pub Bore style lies. They're funny and ridiculous as opposed to actively harmful to the poor/people with EDs/the LGBT community/people with autism etc etc.

Keep 'em coming, Jack!

PS I'm glad to hear that SB is doing so well at his work, given that he couldn't spell basic words or use capital letters correctly during his dream burger planning just a few months ago...or could his mum have been...lying?!

He is obviously gifted, dear heart, he takes after his infinitesimally tiny mother who can't spell thank(space)you or horse spunk sauce.

 

[OpalMushroom]

I'm sure I've quoted it wrong but I hated maths and was in the bottom set.
When we did 'Quantitative Methods' for a semester during my degree, I cried every day!

I’m doing that for my MSc psychology () and it is bloody painful. I love psychology, but I hate maths and statistics.

 

[waffle maker]

I’m doing that for my MSc psychology () and it is bloody painful. I love psychology, but I hate maths and statistics.

Somebody did the chi squared bit of my masters dissertation for me. No regrets- I had two children under 2 at the time and my brain was full with keeping them alive.