Jack Monroe #137 NarcLife by Bootstrap Crook

[LyraBalaqua]

Her descriptions are shocking

 

[Vanelope]

Her descriptions are shocking

Why ‘atrociously’ - isn’t that bad? Don’t words have meanings anymore?

ETA she clearly didn’t think it was actually atrocious even if we all do

 

[colouredlines]

I

It's in that bastard 'recipe' -
(more disordered eating in my opinion)

There was also the Poverty story of when she found an unexpected fiver and spent it on two tubs of Ben & Jerry's Phish Food which she ate in one sitting.

Not sure if this was before or after she was too poor to buy shoes for her son, or was using socks as sanitary pads...

 

[I’MBUSY!]

Her descriptions are shocking

Nope, pretty sure it could accurately be described as atrocious.

 

[Pocahontas]

If I had the skills I'd draw a giant robot to stamp on them all, little shits.

 

[Winthropp Tuesday]

Lactose intolerant, completed it mate.

'Light comedic television' followed by 'atrociously light'

Had she been spirited back to the late 1950s here to watch Val Parnell's 'Sunday Night at the London Palladium'?

AND HOW THE ABSOLUTE BUGGERY duck CAN ANYTHING BE ATROCIOUSLY LIGHT? SHE HAS NO IDEA ABOUT GOOD WRITING.

 

[LyraBalaqua]

'Light comedic television' followed by 'atrociously light'

Had she been spirited back to the late 1950s here to watch Val Parnell's 'Sunday Night at the London Palladium'?

AND HOW THE ABSOLUTE BUGGERY duck CAN ANYTHING BE ATROCIOUSLY LIGHT? SHE HAS NO IDEA ABOUT GOOD WRITING.

I actually looked up the meaning of atrocious to see if there was an alternate way to use it aka Hack Monroe .

There isn’t.

 

[colouredlines]

Just to add one thing in defence of the robot guy - much as I loathe his twee creations, he has put up 5 Patreon-exclusive posts in the last month. So at least his smollowers are getting something for their money...

(You don't need me to tell you that's 5 more than R Jackie. Hey Jack, we know you read here, why not take this as a reminder to do your bleeping Patreon work?)

 

[I’MBUSY!]

I actually looked up the meaning of atrocious to see if there was an alternate way to use it aka Hack Monroe .

There isn’t.

I'm sure Jack uses the dictionary avariciously too.

 

[SoulRebel]

Oh my gawd, it's not that long ago we had Mary Poppins Jack.

 

[Boyo]

Don't forget her tomato allergy that her sympathetic doctor gently, softly consoled her about when she wailed that life wasn't fair.

Imagine if she turned out to be allergic to virtual currency.
The doctor looked softly and lasciviously at me, nodding gently and carefully. “But how?”, I wailed, “I’m an online grifter. IT’S MY JOB!”

 

[Vanelope]

Don't forget her tomato allergy that her sympathetic doctor gently, softly consoled her about when she wailed that life wasn't fair.

So that’s why there is stigma against poor old tinned tomatoes

 

[ReginaPhalangee]

On the most epic grunk of my life and thank god the threads seem to be slowing down so I only have 20 pages till I’m in real time, but this pic just made me lose my tit, you can see he’s yelling “GET OUT OF MY FAAAAAAAACE”

 

[Fruitjack]

TBF I didn't post the interview because of the lactose bit. I posted it because I *gasped* when she was asked what was the most expensive thing she'd bought apart from her house or car. Is the interviewer not aware of her body of work?

 

[TheDragonWithAFlagon]

Lactose intolerant, completed it mate.

Oooh, Ice Creams with just eggs, milk/cream and sugar, sold 'by the pint'? Fancy.

ASDA Ice Cream (92p/2l - or 46p/l);

Ingredients
Reconstituted Skimmed Milk Concentrate, Glucose Syrup, Water, Vegetable Oils [Palm Stearin, Palm, Palm Kernel], Sugar, Whey Powder (Milk), Dextrose, Emulsifier (Mono- and Diglycerides of Fatty Acids), Flavourings, Stabilisers (Guar Gum, Sodium Alginate), Colour (Carotenes)

Haagen Daz Ice Cream (£3/460ml or £6.52/l - on special offer at present - the same stuff is £4.50 a tub from Ocado and Waitrose);


Ingredients
Fresh Cream (39%), Condensed Skimmed Milk, Sugar, Egg Yolk, Vanilla Extract



Now, whilst milk powder, palm oil and assorted gluey substances may very well be part of her traditional cake recipes, to actually use eggs, cream, milk, butter and sugar for some poxy sponge would be 75p, 89p, 50p, £1.49 and 54p to add to the 45p bag of flour. A total of £4.62 for a whole cream cake and a fuckton of remaining ingredients for stuff of greater nutritional value. Say you used half of each thing to make a cake (except for the double cream, you don't need that in there) - £1.87 for the cake, around 23 - 31p per slice, depending upon whether you cut it into 6 or 8 (or in her world, about 16 pieces and displayed upon a teeny tiny soy sauce saucer).

Or you just buy a cheap slab of cake for £1. You'll ensure that you get your daily palm oil quota that way and still have enough dosh for a loaf of bread and a portion of chips from the chippy.

Using Ice cream - and expensive ice cream, at that - in a Cake? bleeping stupid.

 

[Emmapism]

Cooper pawing at the page going
'stop bunging everything in a curry it's very unimaginative! P.S.........Meow'

 

[HarderFaster]

I know people need some levity in dark and horrible times but looking at the idiotic replies about 'floofles' and the wanky 'floofbot' illustration actually makes me feel worse about inhabiting a world that seems to be half-full of alt-right dickheads, because the majority of the rest are too busy infantilising themselves on the internet to do anything about it.

Jack: "STAY ANGRY!"
Also Jack: wuk at da cutes wickle floof it is so smol just like me here is the link to my smol Patreon

 

[Veronicaaa]

There was also the Poverty story of when she found an unexpected fiver and spent it on two tubs of Ben & Jerry's Phish Food which she ate in one sitting.

Not sure if this was before or after she was too poor to buy shoes for her son, or was using socks as sanitary pads...

This is the one I was thinking of, thank you!

 

[Sentient mirror]

Does anyone else feel like they've gone into the twilight zone

 

[TheDragonWithAFlagon]

Bet she's pissed off right now -