Jack Monroe #120 Jack and trace

[Harrybosch]

Oh, and EVERYONE is pointing out on FB that Aldi and Lidl are doing large bags of potatoes, carrots, parsnips and sprouts for 14p each. #forensic

Yes, why are you using Del Monte, Jack?

I think you are all familiar enough with her body of work to know under which picture I found this comment.

 

[Veronicaaa]

NOBODY WANTS A ONE-TRAY CHRISTMAS MENU FOR ONE OR TWO PEOPLE JACK. I've spent Christmases alone and what you actually want is non-stop snacks, not some bullshit roast dinner for one which will only make you feel more alooooone.

 

[HarderFaster]

Run out of MEAT?... FFS, it’s gone to shit hasn’t it. My mother won’t have helped. She panic bought a turkey in September (not joking) and last week told me on zoom that she has bought another one, just in case they don’t have one at Easter. They are only in tier 1.

I wouldn’t worry - they’ll be out of stuff to pre-order but there will still be loads on the shelves. It’s in their interest to get you to go into the shop because you’ll see tasty things and buy them on impulse (I’m the retail equivalent of Don Draper’s wet dream here: went to Morrisons the other day for leeks and came out with a fucking lobster, cheese shaped like a Christmas tree, and duck and truffle pâté. If I go quiet in the next few days it’s because I’ve died from gout).

 

[HarderFaster]

Gutted that her babydaddy is “single AFAIK” so no stepmum bitchfest whatsapp

I’m sure he’s delighted she’s broadcasting his dry-dicked status far and wide to her snivelling fans, though, purely because she can’t be fucked to google tier 4 rules.

 

[Tabitha D]

All of the recipes have this on it, which is good for the charity, and I suppose it’s her prerogative to link to herself but it feels off all the same. View attachment 352059

It might have been nice if she could be bothered to say anything about the charity for example the work they do. But no, she can’t be arsed - she’s just posted the name of the charity and a text donation number, the absolute bare minimum. And what her target audience want to donate something other than £5? Less, for example? Which is fine, especially if they’re on a really tight budget. No information on that!
If she can’t add an affiliate link, she’s not interested.

Never heard the taste of gravy described as "succulent" before. I feel rather queasy.

"If you notice any errors DM me discreetly"

Can I point out that you can't DM any other way?

“Squiggles, please check my work for me.” Cheeky cow.
Well the whole things a fucking mess, Jack, how about that?

It’s absolutely baffling that she has completely re-worked this meal from the version she did for St Giles Trust and the Express only last weekend. Not only that, but she’s done it for a reduced cost per head. I can’t imagine either the charity or the paper are hugely impressed. It’s like she half-arsed the original meal and has now decided she can do a better job. Incredibly unprofessional. And all this just so that she can bolster her income from her website (each of the new version of these recipes now comes complete with ads, affiliate links and a link to the tip jar).
Let’s face it, she was only interested in doing that article because of the me me me interview, in which she graciously devoted merely 2 sentences to the charity. Her ego is absolutely monstrous, it clouds everything she does

 

[MrsOgre]

The temperature has risen then

 

[jenny2603]

Just logged out Facebook before I say something entirely correct but in breach of Tattle rules. It's the Squiggles who are making me furious. Honestly if I see another person say how amazing it is that Jack publishes recipes on a free to access blog I am going to breach the lockdown rules, travel to Southend and eat the fancy new hose, whilst screaming "THIS IS FOR EDINBURGH". It's sent me wild.

To distract myself I decided to play a game called Saint Chefs in which I would see what other chefs are promoting their work selflessly giving away recipes on their websites so that the poor may look upon them and fire out a bit of cooking. First up we have the King of Hearts Gordon Ramsay who without a thought for himself or his family has published some recipes on his website. I feel humbled by this act of charity and in 2021 will strive be be as kind and generous as Gordon Ramsay. Saint THAT MAN has gone a step further and linked to Tesco from his site so that you can see how much stuff costs. The orphans thankyouverymuch for your heroic actions THAT MAN. Saint Mom is scattering free to view recipes across the internet like Mom Christmas. Ride me sideways good old Delia has free recipes on her website too. It's a tsunami of charity out there.

A cynic may argue that publishing recipes is to help generate interest in their books and TV shows but I am not that cynic. Three cheers for Urchin Bountiful and all the Chefs of Kindness out there.

 

[Emmapism]

Isolating for over a week

 

[Oofadoofa]

I assume she thinks that her Twitter followers are not the same as her Facebook followers and none of them have any sense of time?
Monday evening on Twitter vs Friday evening on Facebook:

When set against each other like this, it's clear as day that she's hamming up the sickness and using it to her advantage for sympathy and likes. She's a con-artist.

Edit: The big give away, by the way, is when she gets all defensive as she does towards the end of that second comment ''disheartening that people have nothing better to do than get snarky about it'' - this is the point where she feels the lie is being lost, the reaction not as fawning as expected or in other words she knows that she has been found out, so changes tack and resorts to playing the victim. She does it all the-fucking-time.

 

[Veronicaaa]

In all seriousness, can you IMAGINE Matt's wife reading The Sloppies with Matt? Or both of them grunkaing in bed, side by side, hysterical with laughter as they read out posts to each other? Ahh it warms the cockles!

In other news, I just checked facebook and it appears she's deleted the Del Monte discussion which was happening under her roast post. #forensicANDtransparent

 

[Scarletfever]

@Switchstreetz

@kachoochoo

@traumatised sideboard

Would you be so kind as to mention charities that mean a lot to you?

I would love to donate anonymously to honour the hilarity you have provided. You would never know (sadly) and so would miss out on dopamine hits, but I am sure that is a price you would be willing to pay.

 

[Veronicaaa]

Sad little carrot

 

[Terrible]

I feel like I’ve just been to an actual awards ceremony, that was amazing! @Switchstreetz - Such fantastic hilarious talent from you, and many other Fraus, who I’m privileged to have shared so many lockdown hours with. Whiteheartnowfuckoff.

 

[colouredlines]

At least Covid Jack has put an end to Knitting Jack's brief career.

 

[Veronicaaa]

Thread title suggestion - Jack Monroe: Tedious innit

I wonder why Jack hasn't put any of her lovely Christmas roast pics on instagram?

 

[Grad1961]

hi all....I am new to the site....it is totally cracking me up!

 

[Anonymous One]

The Sloppies are a triumph. Thank you @Switchstreetz

 

[Walkdengirl]

The reason she has no idea where she got COVID is partly her fault (photoshoots, millions of bubbles, trips to London), partly BB ( is it really a thing to bubble if one of you is going to work every day- I’m baffled by this. And partly by the system- why don’t kids wear masks and social distance in school? And if they can’t why is school even open in the UK. And why can’t they track and trace properly? Surely there should be some process going on now to work out who she might have infected? Are all the photographers and journalists isolating?

The Marcus Rashford award giving is not the action of a person being forensically careful. Where were the masks then?

Going to try and stay up for the sloppies even though it’s in the middle of the night here. I will be under a weighted blanket surrounded by neck devices.

I work in a senior school, staff and pupils do wear masks, they sit in designated places in class (and only remove their masks then), we make them adhere to social distancing whenever we can.

I've just finished the hardest term I've ever worked in schools, it's broken me.

In January we have to test every child and every staff member in school. We got told this as we broke up for Christmas. With very little guidance on how this will work, and the implication that staff will just do it) which just isn't feasible.

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

Comrade?! Who was this to, Sarah Vine?!

Seeing the opulent setups my fellow fraus have, decided to have a bath with a bath bomb my husband misguidedly bought me for after childbirth, doesn’t bear thinking about does it x