Jack Monroe #119 She says lots of things, many of which are false

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like a pig in tit

 

[ChickenPorridge]

duck me I don't actually think I can cope with the Covid Jack era.

 

[HotesTilaire]

So LC’s “positive Test, happy birthday to me” tweet was in fact, sarcastic?

Edit- I hope he gets braised in tinned mandarin juice

 

[CuriousCat92]

Lard definitely has its place.....just not in gravy.

My late grandmother used to roast her potatoes in it, I prefer beef dripping. Hiwever with lard my Nan used to add her saved fat which had a lot of flavour.

I have lard in the fridge but no baking spread or I might consider taking one for the team and making the horrific sounding gravy.

If you do then I will be fascinated to hear the report!

 

[traumatised sideboard]

Dear Ninnies,

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Love, Jack xoxo

Not going to share every grim detail? Dear heart, you simply cannot help yourself. We're going to get a blow-by-blow account of every cough and variation of each tenth of a degree in temperature, not to mention hourly exaggerations about how severely ill she is and nobody has ever contracted such a terrible case of coronavirus.

I think for the inaugural Sloppies I'm going to wear a nice suit and tie with that horrifying cat mask to prevent triangulation. I'll also have a cigar that I will spit out at the critical moment in disbelief at a bird in traaaazers. Slopbot's coming as a giant tin of Mel Donte® Greatfruit™ (available now in all major supermarkets).

 

[jenny2603]

If Jack is genuinely unwell then I hope she has a speedy recovery. I do think it's possible she's telling the truth, the giveaway being she hasn't made a huge embarrassing fuss about it, those of us who remember the black eye and the splinter dramas will be familiar with her usual form. On the off chance she's at it then I look forward to the ensuing chaos.

ETA: Spoke too soon. The squiggles are getting the full "tried it mate" treatment.

 

[Captainmouse]

Where did she stick the probe to get that temperature reading though

Armpit?

 

[Candytuft]

I don't wish her ill health but I remain sceptical and posting a pic of her temp is absolutely pathetic

Sounds like Louisa is the nurse then. And possibly the target of Jack's fury too....

Chuffing hell. What a Nasty piece of work you are jackolieo. Toppytipping posting things that were never delivered. Making unnecessary shopping trips. I still don’t believe a word she says. Entertaining but not. She is dangerous.

 

[Silver Linings]

 

[PoorPatrol]

“No point trying to work out who gave it to me” while giving positive case Louisa side eye

She is SUCH a passive aggressive biatch!

 

[TurnedUpInTipp]

@MancBee
The house smells like the funeral home where I saw my Dad before we screwed the lid on the box.
He WAS dead, we didn't just bury him for shits and giggles.
The dog left the kitchen and he sticks to me like a conjoined twin when I'm cooking
It tastes very salty, slightly sweet but surprisingly un-oniony.
Like herbs in hot water with half a tsp of sugar.
It leaves a greasy residue on your lips, like being kissed by someone wearing chapstick.
It needs some cornflour to thicken it but that will do nothing to improve the flavour.
Ten out of Ten will never do it again.

 

[CuriousCat92]

I'm in the middle of doing it now.

I remembered that we had lard at home when I was small but couldn’t remember why. But this has reminded me. It was for pastry (and greasing tins). But my mum hasn’t used it for years and she never put it near gravy (and she was a Bisto lady so she wasn’t a gravy perfectionist by any means!)

 

[PoorPatrol]

Please someone ask her the golden question - when did you get tested, Jack? When did you get the result?

Nah. Unless I’ve swabbed that lying hag myself then I shall remain sceptical!

 

[Minky McMoneypenny]

Is JM the first person in the world to get covid-19? She's certainly making it feel that way.

 

[Lanie]

So LC’s “positive rest, happy birthday to me” tweet was in fact, sarcastic?

I imagine her to be a very difficult patient so the sarcasm will be to soften the blow. Christmas week nursing a total whinge bag. I'm saying that I do hope she gets well soon and it's back to slugging slop in no time.

 

[Winthropp Tuesday]

Joshing aside, if she’s unwell - then I hope she gets over it as quickly as possible. I suspect I had it in January this year and it was utter ploppers. I was ill for three weeks. However, she’s *not* been neurotic about keeping herself safe - or anyone else has she? Otherwise she wouldn’t have jaunted off to Edinburgh, done photo shoots, been in TV studios, etc - I could go on.
Also, Vitamin D and zinc? Completed it, mate.

 

[Minky McMoneypenny]

@MancBee
The house smells like the funeral home where I saw my Dad before we screwed the lid on the box.
He WAS dead, we didn't just bury him for shits and giggles.
The dog left the kitchen and he sticks to me like a conjoined twin when I'm cooking
It tastes very salty, slightly sweet but surprisingly un-oniony.
Like herbs in hot water with half a tsp of sugar.
It leaves a greasy residue on your lips, like being kissed by someone wearing chapstick.
It needs some cornflour to thicken it but that will do nothing to improve the flavour.
Ten out of Ten will never do it again.

OMG - THE POUR!!!!!! My eyes, my eyes aaaaaargh

 

[TurnedUpInTipp]

I remembered that we had lard at home when I was small but couldn’t remember why. But this has reminded me. It was for pastry (and greasing tins). But my mum hasn’t used it for years and she never put it near gravy (and she was a Bisto lady so she wasn’t a gravy perfectionist by any means!)

I had the lard because I got it into my head last week to make seed-filled 'Fat Balls' for the birds last week.
The other stuff because Herself bakes.

 

[Silver Linings]

 

[I Heard a Rumour]

I don't wish her ill health but I remain sceptical and posting a pic of her temp is absolutely pathetic

Sounds like Louisa is the nurse then. And possibly the target of Jack's fury too....

Surely there is every point in working out where it came from?

Anyway, I too wish her well, it seems like a pretty miserable virus. Thankful that I live somewhere where the prevalence is low