Jack Monroe #119 She says lots of things, many of which are false

[TheDragonWithAFlagon]

Dear Ninnies,

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Love, Jack xoxo

Should have left SB with his Dad. That way, we'll be spared the soon to come tale of the kid having to monitor her breathing. Did she go out last Wednesday/Thursday/Friday, by any chance?

Needs to take some paracetamol and ibuprofen to get the temperature down, have something like full sugar lemonade, sleep on your front/side facing down a bit & hugging a pillow (as the middle of the night sinus emptying that drops what feels like a cup of water down your throat is horrible).

Still, isolation ends Wednesday next.

 

[Winthropp Tuesday]

For this wonderful, auspicious occasion, I’ve decided to opt for a little number made from used lard wrappers, sewn together with veg peelings. I’ve commissioned a very famous designer Julienne Slopbucket (RIP) to make it for me.

I’m going to fashion some goodie bags for us all, to make it a truly oscars like experience. They’re sponsored by Mel Donte, so you’ll each receive a tin of bashed fruit with the label missing (to make it a surprise), a piece of cracked Sophie Conran tableware, some bongos (some bongos they play them in the cong...no let’s not go there), and a cotswolds sideboard each - with old lady unruly labia pants in one of the drawers (not telling you which - you have to guess!) it’ll be a tight squeeze to fit it all into the commemorative ASDA £20 shopping trip rucksack...but if it’s for the Frauen...it’s worth it.

 

[Smeghead]

No one wants anyone to be ill, it’s just hard to guage what’s true and what’s not. Saying that, I second Silver’s best wishes. Hopefully be on the mend in a few days.

 

[HotesTilaire]

The Rona is tit and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. And Jack is far from my worst enemy!

She can take the time off. We’ve got the sloppies sorted.

 

[TheDragonWithAFlagon]

that's 40.5 in european to save everyone looking it up

Sorry, I feel I should correct this, as it's the wrong language. It's 40.5 in Under 50 Years Old-ese.

High enough to feel crap.

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

We want Jack back to good health and causing chaos ASAP. Get well soon.

 

[PoorPatrol]

I still don’t believe her. She’s probably had the thermometer on the radiator with some mouldy mushrooms.

 

[Captainmouse]

What's everyone wearing to the Sloppies? I'll have my leopard print clutch (handy for putting things in) and guess it will have to be my Viv! It's what she would have wanted!

If your viv, I will have to be June (reverse viv)

 

[HarderFaster]

Ill or not it is such a munchie thing to post a pic of a thermometer.



You have a fever, Jack. It will feel like tit, but Twitter likes will not make it go away. Rest, hydrate, and hopefully the fever dreams will prompt some kind of epiphany which leads you to stop pretending to be poor all the time. A modern day Scrooge, if you will.

 

[MrsOgre]

So ill but isn't stopping her from tweeting.

 

[blurstoftimes]

I don't wish her ill health but I remain sceptical and posting a pic of her temp is absolutely pathetic

Sounds like Louisa is the nurse then. And possibly the target of Jack's fury too....

 

[Captainmouse]

what if she does a chaos at the same time?! wouldn't that be amazing!

I just hope she doesn’t gatecrash! She'll probably try to steal slopbot, so she won’t have to think of another recipe ever again, especially now he’s using tinned fruit.

 

[Montrachet]

At least the Tiggy & Bo™ Aqua + Marine Tote Bag will provide numerous handy places to store the thermometer in between updates on Twitter.

 

[Lanie]

Thread title. All I want for Christmas is goooooo baby!

 

[BobRob]

Neurotic about staying safe?? She travelled the length of the country by public transport a few months back!

I don't wish her ill health but I remain sceptical and posting a pic of her temp is absolutely pathetic

Sounds like Louisa is the nurse then. And possibly the target of Jack's fury too....

 

[blurstoftimes]

At least the Tiggy & Bo ™ Aqua + Marine Tote Bag will provide numerous handy places to store the thermometer in between updates on Twitter.


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I feel like she placed the bag as an identifier so we couldn't accuse her of using a pic off the internet. She should have just curled her hands round the thermometer so we could see her trademark filthy nails.

 

[FlorenceFlutterbucket]

Dear Ninnies,

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Love, Jack xoxo

Where did she stick the probe to get that temperature reading though

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

I don't wish her ill health but I remain sceptical and posting a pic of her temp is absolutely pathetic

Sounds like Louisa is the nurse then. And possibly the target of Jack's fury too....

Neurotic?

Repeating myself but...

Trip to Edinburgh the day after Scotland started lifting restrictions.
Asda shopping twice on a Sunday.
She had two visitors round recently (Del Monte photos).
Next day she went off to another photoshoot (big feet photos).
Then she was dressed up for something? Assuming she didn't pop to Tesco.

Losing a bit a sympathy.

 

[Silver Linings]

 

[FlorenceFlutterbucket]

that's 40.5 in european to save everyone looking it up

Thank you