The sound accompanying the video of the sparklers in the sloppy "dessert".... HYPNOTOAD?
Jack Monroe #119 She says lots of things, many of which are false
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This poor squiggle obviously never come across JM....
30 tweets in a day?!
30 tweets in a day?!
The duck is this?I hope this isn’t louisa’s birthday cake
That Christmas Dinner looks bleeping rank and she can shove that Vegan option right up her arse. Seriously, never mind Covid cases filling up hospital beds, anyone partaking in this pile of shite will be making an appearance at their local A&E shortly after consumption.
That’s what that noise reminded me of the noise they were following on lost, maybe Louisa is sending signals & trying to escape
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Don't forget her tattoos are basically a form of ID, unless you're a meanie from Barclays bank
The sawdust vegan doorstop
The carrots that are simultaneously raw and burnt
The brain and oil custard
The aunt bessie yorkies
The dishwater gravy
THE STARTER
The fact that everything has mandarin in it
The carrots that are simultaneously raw and burnt
The brain and oil custard
The aunt bessie yorkies
The dishwater gravy
THE STARTER
The fact that everything has mandarin in it
I do agree with her on this. No idea why people get so weird about what meals you're "allowed" to have yorkies with. Who gives a tit.
But I also love that she's MAKING A BOLD STATEMENT about a telling off that she expects, that as far as I can see, hasn't come. Jack fighting imaginary foes again.
Right I’m gonna briefly defend Jack but I promise it’s only so I can trash her again in a moment...
I think occasionally (and I am guilty of this as anyone) we do some performative heaving at her food pics, mainly because although she thinks she’s such a talented food stylist, nobody in this world is making a chickpea soup look good, let alone Jack who, for all the glitzy paper backdrops in the world, cannot cook in the first place. We definitely project our knowledge of her ineptitude (and dislike of her) onto her photos.
However, I think this Christmas dinner may be one of the saddest things I’ve ever seen, and I feel actively sorry for people who might try it in the hope it wouldn’t be absolutely bleeping foul. What in the name of all that is good in this world is that oily custard?! Also those Yorkshires are 100% shop bought.
First - has she not heard of Iceland? Is Southend too posh for Iceland? Any times I’ve been really skint I’ve done my Christmas shop there, and they have some really lovely veg sides and fresh meat and veggie options and appetising desserts for really good prices. Who the duck is rendering the fat from cooking bacon to mix with potato water when there are cheap, considerably tastier ready-made versions??
Secondly - omg thatmaggot prawn cocktail. Sweet lord. Why waste a chunk of budget on prawns and grapefruit (which I bet is bleeping Del Monte btw) when you could get some sausage meat for a proper stuffing with the money, or a real nut roast instead of a brick of sadness made from parsnip shavings? Or some beige Boxing Day oven treats (Iceland duck spring rolls unbeatable btw).
Thirdly - I’d like to express advance condolences to any poor schmuck attempting that dessert. I’ve just been to Sainsbury’s (look at me transcending class boundaries...) and the iced mince pies were like, a quid for 6. I’ll pass on the old bread and mincemeat cheers, Jack.
I can see why she’s offering these options - no food writer is going to render themselves redundant by saying “just get prepped veg, mate!”. But in reality she knows that nobody in their right mind would try that lard fest, least of all her, as she’s no doubt got her Ocado slot nailed down. The workable option is to list great offers in various supermarkets, and little hacks to keep down costs. I thought these indices of retail were her specialty? But no, Jack’s lake of lipids gravy must take centre stage. Pat her head, squiggle sycophants, while you thank your lucky stars that you are so middle class you’ve never gone lower than Nigella.
Sorry that was a mega rant. I feel strongly about Christmas dinner.
I think occasionally (and I am guilty of this as anyone) we do some performative heaving at her food pics, mainly because although she thinks she’s such a talented food stylist, nobody in this world is making a chickpea soup look good, let alone Jack who, for all the glitzy paper backdrops in the world, cannot cook in the first place. We definitely project our knowledge of her ineptitude (and dislike of her) onto her photos.
However, I think this Christmas dinner may be one of the saddest things I’ve ever seen, and I feel actively sorry for people who might try it in the hope it wouldn’t be absolutely bleeping foul. What in the name of all that is good in this world is that oily custard?! Also those Yorkshires are 100% shop bought.
First - has she not heard of Iceland? Is Southend too posh for Iceland? Any times I’ve been really skint I’ve done my Christmas shop there, and they have some really lovely veg sides and fresh meat and veggie options and appetising desserts for really good prices. Who the duck is rendering the fat from cooking bacon to mix with potato water when there are cheap, considerably tastier ready-made versions??
Secondly - omg that
Thirdly - I’d like to express advance condolences to any poor schmuck attempting that dessert. I’ve just been to Sainsbury’s (look at me transcending class boundaries...) and the iced mince pies were like, a quid for 6. I’ll pass on the old bread and mincemeat cheers, Jack.
I can see why she’s offering these options - no food writer is going to render themselves redundant by saying “just get prepped veg, mate!”. But in reality she knows that nobody in their right mind would try that lard fest, least of all her, as she’s no doubt got her Ocado slot nailed down. The workable option is to list great offers in various supermarkets, and little hacks to keep down costs. I thought these indices of retail were her specialty? But no, Jack’s lake of lipids gravy must take centre stage. Pat her head, squiggle sycophants, while you thank your lucky stars that you are so middle class you’ve never gone lower than Nigella.
Sorry that was a mega rant. I feel strongly about Christmas dinner.
Festive Jack with sparklers in her head and wildly spinning eyeballs of courseThe duck is this?
Aren’t you glad you’re a peach?The sawdust vegan doorstop
The carrots that are simultaneously raw and burnt
The brain and oil custard
The aunt bessie yorkies
The dishwater gravy
THE STARTER
The fact that everything has mandarin in it
Did the turkey die of old age? It's wrinklier than Lizzie Birdsworth. Terry the Sparrow looks in better nick than that and he's been dead for weeks.
Yeah you summed that up better than me
I have never known a Tattle thread fly by as quickly as these , she always has so much to offer 
.
.Heck no - yours was much more pithy and concise. Loved it.
btw this relates to all the crying emojis - hope it doesn’t come across weird it’s just the first thing I thought of
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Honestly I'm glued to her Twitter feed just astonished at her Christmas spread. I note she keeps saying it's based on four adults- could it be the disinterred remains of four adults? I just can't fathom how she could get normal supermarket food to look so gruesome.
Someone disable her bleeping 
emoji for the love of slop
emoji for the love of slopI wish someone would actually ask Jack what her covid symptoms are - she is being uncharacteristically vague. Remember how much detail we got when she had a splinter?
I have a friend who doesn't 'do' Christmas. No particular reason, she just never has.
Her kids all go to their inlaws and she sits and watches telly with a pizza delivery. She loves it.
My youngest mini moo was jealous when i said this is what my friend did for Christmas and asked if we could get pizza too.
I'm thinking that if anyone got served the above for Christmas, they too would be dialling up for a Domino's....
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