Jack Monroe #110 Hands up, who likes me?

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Fear not ive discovered the perfect apology meal for you


Idk why the 4th page is now the first (imgurs done a chaos) but feast your eyes on this monstrosity
How is she softening onions in 5 minutes? My chef skills are limited but it takes me a good 10 minutes to get onions soft and translucent.
 
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What would happen if Jack Monroe met Caroline Calloway? Would they create a sentient super-ego of narcissism that tore a hole in the space time continuum?
 
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She gets Twitter diarrhea and over eggs the pudding when it comes to creating the long-running notion that she was very, very poor and is doing better now but still earning "a pittance" that she has to very carefully budget so that she doesn't end up in the dark days of selling her lightbulbs again. The Go Henry fakery is part of that over-egging, mixed with trying to act like Britain's top budget guru, so full of top tips.
 
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Just read the Limegoss write-up about the “That Man” debacle. With all her tweets—even worse than I remember! I truly can’t even believe she is employable as a “media personality” anymore. She has die hard fans, that’s for sure. Sort of like my soon to be gone president. Not that the comparisons stop there. It’s a very similar style they have (lies, tantrums, boasting, victim complex), and both love Twitter.
 
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You know despite all of her crimes (of both the moral and legal kind) we do owe Jack for providing us with 2020 lockdown entertainment but not to the extent of supporting her tip jar. She has been a distraction to say the least.
 
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My mum made it for me when I visited many many years ago when it was first printed in Jack’s column in the paper. She used to panic about what to feed me as cooking vegan was all a mystery. I quite enjoyed it at the time In a ‘this is better than I expected’ way but that was compared to the other weird things I used to get fed at that time and the fact that my mum was so pleased with herself for trying something new.

I've actually got some tinned peaches in my cupboard at the moment (not bought in a £20 shop x) but the only problem is, I love having tinned peaches with vanilla ice cream as it's my favourite cheap pud! It's a shame when a tin of sliced peaches and Green and Black's vanilla ice cream trumps someone's supposed best dish 😂

In all seriousness though, has anyone ever tried the peach curry? I am a huge fan of fruit in savoury food, so out of all of the Jack recipes, that is the one I would be most tempted to make. I think it's the photo that lets it down, I like to be enticed by the professional, could eat it off of the page/lick the screen photos and the one on the blog...underwhelms me, personally.
Also yes I can quite see her as a judge on GBM, she does fit the sort of person they have, could the tall man be Oliver Peyton? Not quite sure how she’d stick to her staunchly moralistic 90% vegan though so she could have turned it down on ethical grounds like the gigs with Unilever or the column in the Express.
 
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Has anyone seen the story in the news about the BBC fat cat spending all the money on hotels and stuff.it reminds of politicans and all their frivolous spending.

Whilst poor old pensioners like my neighbour have to pay to watch it.
 
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Bloody hell. I'm starting to turn into bloody Jack now. My charging cable went mad, melted itself and has burnt a 50p size hole in the carpet. I've contacted the manufacturer about the fault and managed to just stop myself moaning about the damage to my RENTED house!
 
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Dredging up something which has potentially been discussed before but I don't get the appeal in fibbing. The GoHenry thing for example just seems absolutely wild to me. In fact, that situation is so ridiculous because 1) The '£20 shop' isn't even a £20 shop. I could say I did a £1.50 shop because I bought a 4-pinter of skimmed milk the other day. 2) Why does it matter if you paid with a GoHenry card, a Monzo card, cash, shrapnel from your purse or wallet or used your AmEx? It's hilarious because the greater level of detail she sinks into with all of her activities, the more she opens herself up to criticism and potential gaps in the overall picture - like the whole Visa/MasterCard thing. It's just unnecessary to divulge how you pay for a shop. It wouldn't even be an issue anyway if the 'shopping to a strict budget' was done properly and wasn't just a mirror image of how most people shop in a mindful, resourceful and NORMAL way.
I think the thing that Jack needs is just someone to do the tweeting for her, to give her more of a professional/slick PR veneer. I feel like her account is perilously close to discussing which brand of toilet roll is her favourite when she's having a tit for God's sake. For me, that's why I had to unfollow. When you follow a personality, especially a cook or a chef, you expect certain things. Links to recipes, updates on work, hints and tips, pleasant engagement with fans (don't know if anyone here loves Ottolenghi like I do, but even he and his development chefs/colleagues share recreations of his work by Otto fans on their instagram stories etc/give praise) and then, once in a while, knowing when to break silence on important issues.
Having seen her food 🤢 I would imagine her toilet roll is industrial, and delivered by the pallet
 
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Is this my real life? Is it just fantasy?
Caught out on my lies, my escape from reality
Urban Decayed Eyes, look up to the skies and see-eeee

I'm just a poor girl, from a rich family
Because I'm
Easy come, easy go
Sometimes high, sometime low

Any way the Cabal knows
Doesn't really matter
To me

Give to meeeeeee

[plinky plonky piano intro in the style of Les Dawson]

MAMA! I need more jam
Put a Smeg up in my hall, pretend it's not really there at all
MAMA! I neeeeeeed some cash
Gotta spend it all to make myself feel flash

MAMA! Ooo-oo-ooo-oooh (Any lies, then we know)
Now you've made me cry
Clawing, screaming out there -WHY??????
Carry on, carry on, as if I don't have arthritis

Too late, I neeeed some fun
Sunbathing, I'm just fine
BUT MY BODY'S ACHING ALL THE TIME
Goodbye, everybody, I've got to go
Gotta piss and eat and try to hide the truth

MAMA! Oooo-oo-ooo-oooh (All your lies, the Fraus know)
I hate being caught on lies
I sometimes wish I'd never been caught at allll

[JM hurls herself around with a Burberry scarf wrapped around her sports bra, teething rings rattling on her wrists in a disconcerting version of Kate Bush doing Wuthering Heights - possibly retitled Fifty Slops of Shite]

I see a little dusty husk of a girl
Where's my shoes, where's my dress, gonna do the Fandango
Viviennes and Emins ,very, very precious to me
(Where'd your cash go?) How the duck would I know?, (On a sideboard?) Oh, no, no, no, magnifico-o-o-o

I'm just a poor girl, nobody loves me
She's just a poor girl from a rich family
Give her some cash so she can buy SB's tea

Easy come, easy go, won't you let it go?
Like duck, witch! No, we will not let it go. (Let me go!)
Like duck, no! We will not let it go. (Let me breathe go!)
Oh, heck, no! We will not let it go. (Let me go!)
Will not let it go. (Let me go!)
Will not let it go
Never let lies go, oh
No, no, no, no, no, no, no
Oh, mama, jam now, mama bread now (Mama JESUS, let it go!)
The Cotswolds has a fancy newer sideboard for me, for me, for meeeeeeeeeeeeeee

So you think you can catch me and laugh at my eye?
So you think you can leave me and not live my lies?
Oh, BB, can't do this to me, BB
You'll never get out, you'll never get right outta here

(Ooooh, yeah, oooooh yeah)

Money only matters
Anyone can see
Money only matters
Money only matters to meeeeeeeeeeeeee

Anyway, the Tattlers know.

[gong] (£2479.99 of Patreon donations, now please put a tenner in my butter bowl, thankyou and duck off)
I bow in the presence of utter greatness and genius ❤ this made my morning😂
 
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It’s tomorrow isn’t it? Surely it’s master chef then, haven’t watched it in years but isn’t there a round doing it for food critics? And another round where they have to do a mass service for places like army barracks etc? Maybe it’s a technical challenge to turn fermented slop back to a solid?

Vlad’s shared another proposal for our fav cockney Victorian era urchin tho

E71F8730-639B-43AD-94AD-49C6A1CF9621.jpeg
 
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