Jack Monroe #103 Take her as she is or leave her be

[PunkyMonkey]

Aaaaand another thing. I have a dehydrator because I'm one of those vegans. I wouldn't be surprised if she had bought an Excalibur whilst in her vegan stage because there are some wonderful recipes out there and it's a popular thing in some vegan circles. They're expensive but I can definitely see it sitting under the sink now that grift is over.

I'm actually contemplating upgrading my life with a Ninja Foodi at Christmas, but I have to check if it'll allow me to part with the dehydrator I have because kale chips are an important part of my diet.

 

[FridayFunDay]

Did ahe really get Dylan and Chapman mixed up?

I can't bare to watch it, please don't make me.

 

[TurnedUpInTipp]

I'm still lightly seething at "severed abdominal muscles" in the comment about her son. What a ridiculous and potentially upsetting thing to say when he's, what, ten now?
C-section cuts, like all surgery cuts, are meticulously planned to ensure minimal long-term damage and proper healing.
Even in emergency situations you're going to get people who've dedicated their career to not messing up women's bodies.
They're always coming up with new ways to improve the experience/situation for mums.
Implying that her abs are flapping about in there like that bleeping fish toy she liked so much is disingenuous to say the least.

Although I have not had kids I have had my midsection sliced into a few times and, because I'm just a regular person I suppose, I used Bio Oil, did my physio and didn't blame anyone.

If the labia are unruly now imagine the scenes if the child had been born naturally?
We'd be into the realms of circus marquee in a storm.

 

[Nottonightbabe]

View attachment 307417

From her "risotto" recipe. She genuinely knows nothing about cooking. It's baffling. After so many years, cookbooks, Allegra...she actually has less cooking knowledge than a randomer in the street.

PS the ladle affiliate link is pure lol. Grifters gotta grift...

I'm just trying to imagine how a beer and long grain rice 'risotto' would taste...

 

[Veronicaaa]

I'm still lightly seething at "severed abdominal muscles" in the comment about her son. What a ridiculous and potentially upsetting thing to say when

It really reminds me of a film reference which I can't quite put my finger on. Carrie, maybe?

 

[Flumps]

Long time Tattle lurker and a new and very keen JM thread reader. You guys are hilarious and I love you all!

I had to join to ask what the hell is going on with the spoon (?) in the cheese slice sauce picture? Did she personally dredge it out of a canal?

It's been a heavy sort of Jack evening, but there's something very pleasing about the fact that a terrible bit of cutlery is what broke you and now you just have to say something

 

[Sooverthat]

Aaaaand another thing. I have a dehydrator because I'm one of those vegans. I wouldn't be surprised if she had bought an Excalibur whilst in her vegan stage because there are some wonderful recipes out there and it's a popular thing in some vegan circles. They're expensive but I can definitely see it sitting under the sink now that grift is over.

I'm actually contemplating upgrading my life with a Ninja Foodi at Christmas, but I have to check if it'll allow me to part with the dehydrator I have because kale chips are an important part of my diet.

I do love a kale chip. Or crisp.

Have you tried chopping up very small and sprinkling on everything and everything? Heard about it once from somewhere.....

 

[Buscake]

Oh i hate when Jack starts being horrible about her son it feels so dark. Here's another cringey video of her singing with billy bragg to lighten the mood

Thanks a bleeping lot for that. I was transfixed in horror and had to watch the whole thing. How come she wasn’t a warbling high pitched wibbling mess like that landslide video that was inflicted on us??

 

[FridayFunDay]

I'm just trying to imagine how a beer and long grain rice 'risotto' would taste...

Like tit

 

[Fraggle]

I do sometimes wonder what damage we're doing to ourselves by waking up to a brainful of JM's nonsense each morning.



Any Red Dwarf fans in the thread? Here's an exerpt from one of the books (expanded from an episode):

In fact, it was now possible for Rimmer to revise solidly for three months and not learn anything at all.

The first week of study, he would always devote to the construction of a revision timetable. Weeks of patient effort would be spent planning, designing and creating a revision schedule which, when finished, were minor works of art.

Every hour of every day was subdivided into different study periods, each labelled in his lovely, tiny copperplate hand; then painted over in watercolours, a different colour for each subject, the colours gradually becoming bolder and more urgent shades as the exam time approached. The effect was as if a myriad tiny rainbows had splintered and sprinkled across the poster-sized sheet of creamwove card.

The only problem was this: because the timetables often took seven or eight weeks, and sometimes more, to complete, by the time Rimmer had finished them the exam was almost on him. He'd then have to cram three months of astronavigation revision into a single week. Gripped by an almost deranging panic, he'd then decide to sacrifice the first two days of that final week to the making of another timetable. This time for someone who had to pack three months of revision into five days.

Because five days now had to accommodate three months' work, the first thing that had to go was sleep. To prepare for an unrelenting twenty-four hours a day sleep-free schedule, Rimmer would spend the whole of the first remaining day in bed - to be extra, ultra fresh, so he would be able to squeeze three whole months of revision into four short days.

I think of it every time JM's charts come up.

Been working again so on a Grunka, but I’m al fellow smeghead!

 

[Alansbigplate]

Been working again so on a Grunka, but I’m al fellow smeghead!

 

[vale]

I'm just trying to imagine how a beer and long grain rice 'risotto' would taste...

Like terrible slop with random ingredients. Basmati with beer anyone? Let’s call it risotto, fancy!

 

[HotesTilaire]

I will defend the blue tickers in that they probably don’t pay much attention to her tweets or recipes.
I do wish SB had more than a Dino biscuit with it’s arse bitten off though. I grew up with an ED parent who always ate a bit of whatever I was getting. Pissed me right off.

 

[Boyo]

More euphemism?!?

 

[YenE]

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This is just so wasteful to me and not an effective way to cook.

 

[Veronicaaa]

I will defend the blue tickers in that they probably don’t pay much attention to her tweets or recipes.

I have real respect for the people who know / have worked with / met her but have just completely dingied her. Like, they get it! <shoutout to Billy Bragg and Ruby Tandoh, amongst others>. She's alienated so many people that all she has left now is her wee squiggles who daren't say anything to question the grand jack narrative. She's reduced to rinsing them but she's completely fucked herself left, right, and centre - politically and metaphorically.

 

[Petelgeuse]

Did ahe really get Dylan and Chapman mixed up?

I can't bare to watch it, please don't make me.

I've watched it and as a result , I've taken hostages.

 

[Pixieboots]

... AND gives us a clue to her method of recipe development: "I... pottered absently at the stove throwing whatever came to hand into my, wide, shallow pan."

 

[jenny2603]

I fully admit I am a bit fragile atm due to pandemic, job stress, etc, but I just was suddenly struck with a feeling of real sadness for that squiggle who made her cheese sauce and felt sick afterwards

She doesn't GAF who she harms.

Me too. The decent thing to do there is to have apologised to the squiggle for having not been clearer and perhaps engaged them in a bit of chat about the "recipe". She literally couldn't give a duck about these people, it would have cost her nothing to engage but would likely have meant a lot to the squiggle...until she discovers Tattle.

 

[FrumpyCat]

No Jack, melting cheese slices is not groundbreaking (apart from maybe among your middle class Twitter following)

I like to microwave value tortilla chips with a a slice or two of orange cheese. If I am feeling particularly maverickish I might add some salsa