I agree about the signs re marriage & if marriage was that important to her she could have walked rather than issue an ultimatum. But I don't think her wanting marriage was out of pure love for him. I'm not making excuses for him but given how different they clearly were/are I do wonder if that naivety & innocence (as opposed to being more worldly wise) meant he just wasn't sure or ready for such a big commitment until her ultimatum made him realise he didn't want to lose her? People can be together for way longer before marriage is even mentioned.@House of Tea
If you are pleading with someone to marry you, then the signs are there, it isn’t meant to be. You start off the marriage with an imbalance, one of them wasn’t sure. And if after 7 years you are not sure, you never will be. It is mentioned that he is religious- perhaps he knew that if he married it had to be The One. But that has ended badly. I don’t give IG a free pass in all this mayhem. He was late 20s when they got together, in his mid 30s when they wed, he must have seen the bad side of Alice in the 7 years before they got wed. Cliche alert - you can tell who somebody is by the company they keep. There is no way she kept the way she is suppressed until she got the ring.
I agree he would have seen her bad side, there is no way she could have repressed who she really is for years, but again I can't help but wonder if this is where his naivety really led him down the Alice rabbit hole? Someone with more experience of relationships would have seen the red flags, which he seemed to miss. Narcs can also be very charming, kind & loving (when it suits them) I also think the benefit of the doubt is given to people we love & trust (I know from personal experience with a Narc) that TV interview of him recounting his proposal was revealing. To most of us it was sad, cringe worthy & full of red flags yet he thought it was amusing, endearing, kind of like well that was just Alice being Alice, haha! I obviously don't know him, am going purely on the interviews I have seen & what we do know of him from on here, but he strikes me as a rather gentle soul, but perhaps that gentleness found the more life experienced, volatile & dominant Alice exciting, esp' if he had no frame of reference to compare her to, in terms of relationship red flags?
Once she had his ring on her finger she likely ramped it up, probably subtle at first, but over time it would have worn him down, coupled with her drinking & SM addiction. I do think Narcs target people who are their polar opposite so those who are gentle, trusting, naive, etc so someone who will be malleable, who they can ultimately control, manipulate, dominate, etc. Obviously he wasn't totally stupid as someone reminded me about the pre-nup & keeping the house in his name but I wonder if his parents influenced those decisions, (?) as according to AE they didn't like her - for good reason. Perhaps it was a case of damage limitation? I could be way off? Just some thoughts.