Where did the narrative start that Ella is parentified? From the voice of experience, Elsie strikes me as the parentified one. The little people pleaser. Make no trouble. Cause no waves. Try to keep Mom and big sis happy.
My Grandmother was a narc. My Mom is a narc. My sister, the Ella/Golden child, is a narc. She can leave 7 kids for a boyfriend, never see some of them again
and still sleep well when she lays her head down at night.
I was the parentified one to both of them over the past 50+ years of my life I can remember. Spent my whole life taking care of, being careful of their delicate fee fees and emotions and putting out every fire they were able to ignite, every mess they have created.
Still doing it. Still being told to treat my sister delicately by my Mom. "Don't remind her she didn't see her daughters for 15 years while you raised them. It hurts her feelings." The fuck it does!
Elsie will be bearing the burden of taking care of them and keeping both of them from emotional explosions her entire life. Please, eventually, give her the strength to get out.