My husband and I have quite an up and down marriage but when we hate each other we have amazing sex! He has said before if we ever get a divorce he'll still come round for a shag!
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You made me laugh out loud
love it.Been together 7 years live together no kids. Usually around 4-5 times a week. Depends on work etc at time. Interesting thread!
I suppose different people have different situations that work for them. I’ve posted earlier in this thread about my situation and I feel that I’m being selfish but it physically hurts to have sex and mentally I just don’t want it. I think about whether there’s something wrong with me all the time and it’s a massive weight on my shoulders and gets me really down. I’ve had a couple of relationships and a Few encounters but if I’m honest with myself, I’ve never actually had proper full sex - like all the way in, enjoyable, don’t want it to end 
it’s always awkward fumbling barely getting anywhere. I’m 27 and feel ashamed to even admit that. It’s easy to talk to strangers on the internet about it! I have nobody in real life that I can talk to
it’s always awkward fumbling barely getting anywhere. I’m 27 and feel ashamed to even admit that. It’s easy to talk to strangers on the internet about it! I have nobody in real life that I can talk toIt shouldn't hurt or make you feel that way. Painful sex is a medical condition, it's called dyspareunia and caused by lots of reasons and can be treated. I feel for you hun but don't be embarrassed, try and get help, see your GP about being referred, you won't be the first and certainly not the last. XxI suppose different people have different situations that work for them. I’ve posted earlier in this thread about my situation and I feel that I’m being selfish but it physically hurts to have sex and mentally I just don’t want it. I think about whether there’s something wrong with me all the time and it’s a massive weight on my shoulders and gets me really down. I’ve had a couple of relationships and a Few encounters but if I’m honest with myself, I’ve never actually had proper full sex - like all the way in, enjoyable, don’t want it to end
Hi, just wanted to echo the other poster who suggested you see the GP about this. It’s nothing to be ashamed of and you’re certainly not being selfish. Lots of people suffer from things like this but there are solutions out there.I suppose different people have different situations that work for them. I’ve posted earlier in this thread about my situation and I feel that I’m being selfish but it physically hurts to have sex and mentally I just don’t want it. I think about whether there’s something wrong with me all the time and it’s a massive weight on my shoulders and gets me really down. I’ve had a couple of relationships and a Few encounters but if I’m honest with myself, I’ve never actually had proper full sex - like all the way in, enjoyable, don’t want it to end
When I was younger, in my early 20s I suffered with something similar and it was three years of hell before I got some help and got it sorted
This thread is so interesting. My husband and I have been together 15 years, in our mid 30s with 1 child and have sex probably on average once every 10 days. We’d both like it a little more than that but tiredness etc! Crucially though we are both on the same page, I think it’s the disparity in needs rather than the amount that causes issues. Also, we are very affectionate with each other outside the bedroom.
One thing I’ve talked about with two of my friends, who both have sex a bit more often than me is the time spent. So I would say, from start to finish including foreplay etc our sex takes about an hour to an hour and a half. Anything quicker than that is very rare. My husband takes ages to come, and always has, apart from a period about 10 years ago when he came a few times in about 30 seconds which was far too quick haha
anyway, my point is that talking to my friends, they said their average to start to finish time was about 15-20 minutes! So I think if my husband and I could do it in around half an hour, we’d do it more often! I think because it’s easier to find the time in our busy lives for a 20 minute session, rather than getting into bed and then the thought of being awake for another hour or so
p.s. I do like sex, I just really like sleep more
Thats half the battle, especially when you have kids. Waiting until you are in bed at the end of a long day is hardest time to be doing anything energetic in the bedroom. Unless you start going to bed earlier purely to fit sex in then its going to be a long time having 1 hour - 1 and half hour sessions. Not many people could frequently find that sort of time in a day to be having sex.We’d both like it a little more than that but tiredness etc! Crucially though we are both on the same page, I think it’s the disparity in needs rather than the amount that causes issues. Also, we are very affectionate with each other outside the bedroom.
One thing I’ve talked about with two of my friends, who both have sex a bit more often than me is the time spent. So I would say, from start to finish including foreplay etc our sex takes about an hour to an hour and a half. Anything quicker than that is very rare. My husband takes ages to come, and always has, apart from a period about 10 years ago when he came a few times in about 30 seconds which was far too quick haha
anyway, my point is that talking to my friends, they said their average to start to finish time was about 15-20 minutes! So I think if my husband and I could do it in around half an hour, we’d do it more often! I think because it’s easier to find the time in our busy lives for a 20 minute session, rather than getting into bed and then the thought of being awake for another hour or so
Was it anything different that got him to finish so fast back then or was it just a phase he had that wore off? Finding something that works to quickly get you both off sounds like the main solution if its purely the length of time it takes that is the issue.
Not very often. We regularly go a year plus without due mostly to my chronic illness. I don't feel guilty. I think it all depends on the individual couple. I would like more sex but there it is - I'm happy enough. We're in our mid forties, married 26 years.
Once or twice a week now, used to be every night without fail but we are both just not as interested now.
My partner struggles to last during sex which means it doesn't happen for me so it's a weird situation.
Shame as we are mid 20's but never mind.
My partner struggles to last during sex which means it doesn't happen for me so it's a weird situation.
Shame as we are mid 20's but never mind.
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I’m in this situation now but still with my partner, we’ve been together 5 years (with a few breaks included) and moved in together last October. We’ve had sex 3 times since we’ve lived together, the last being in feb. It’s one of those things we hate talking about so we don’t, but I just never feel like doing anything sexual with him. We’re both 25 and I just don’t feel like this is “normal” and I’m really stuck with what to do
There are sooo many things he could do to make sex enjoyable for you too....and to last longer.
We dont have sex very much at all. I would say on average once or maybe twice a month.
My husband sleeps downstairs because he snores so loud so that has obviously had a massive part to play!
Also it's annoying having to be really really quiet...my kids are 12 and 10 and they go to bed at 10pm but I'm pretty sure they dont go straight to sleep! So that puts me off aswell.
I'd love to have more sex with him
we are both overweight aswell so I'm not very body confident at all. Just dont feel sexy for my husband at all.
My husband sleeps downstairs because he snores so loud so that has obviously had a massive part to play!
Also it's annoying having to be really really quiet...my kids are 12 and 10 and they go to bed at 10pm but I'm pretty sure they dont go straight to sleep! So that puts me off aswell.
I'd love to have more sex with him
we are both overweight aswell so I'm not very body confident at all. Just dont feel sexy for my husband at all.In previous relationships we had fallen into a pattern of every few days at best and even moths at times. It was like a chore at times. Then I found "the one" and suddenly couldn't get enough. Multiple times a night every time we saw each other. We weren't living together so that always helps keep the spark, but sleepovers were always for sex, daytime dates led to sex, after work dinner ended in sex, lunch time would be kissing in the car, cinema would be holding hands and cuddling before going home to have sex. It was just amazing, and this honeymoon period never stopped, until we broke up due to other circumstances, after many years trying to make the relationship work.
I am genuinely afraid I won't find someone else where the chemistry and desire lasts that long! There was never a "I have a headache" night, it was always something that was just a given, because we both clearly wanted it, so no fights about who wants it more or anything like that. So effortless and just so much affection and intimacy generally which I feel is so important in creating the desire for sex. Previous boyfriends would not touch me for the day or show any interest, and then as soon as it was 10pm they'd be like "ok I'm undressed, let's do this" expecting me to be turned on and interested whereas this was just constant intimacy and everything was like a precursor to sex, without it seeming like the relationship itself was only about sex, which sounds so weird but.... yeah!
I am genuinely afraid I won't find someone else where the chemistry and desire lasts that long! There was never a "I have a headache" night, it was always something that was just a given, because we both clearly wanted it, so no fights about who wants it more or anything like that. So effortless and just so much affection and intimacy generally which I feel is so important in creating the desire for sex. Previous boyfriends would not touch me for the day or show any interest, and then as soon as it was 10pm they'd be like "ok I'm undressed, let's do this" expecting me to be turned on and interested whereas this was just constant intimacy and everything was like a precursor to sex, without it seeming like the relationship itself was only about sex, which sounds so weird but.... yeah!
Sad really that with such amazing sexual compatibility you broke up for other reasons
. I can see why you worry you’ll never get that again but maybe it’s best to have a bit of both? Full commitment and a healthy (not at it like rabbits!) sex life?I dated a guy for a while where the sex was amazing but I realised that’s all we had really. He just wanted sex and didn’t want to commit to a proper relationship.
Yeah we had that kind of balance, we were best friends, he's the "one that got away" unfortunately, so I know it is possible to have an all rounded healthy relationship where there is that chemistry, and hopefully it will happen again with someone equally as good, just circumstances beyond our control this time...Sad really that with such amazing sexual compatibility you broke up for other reasons
I dated a guy for a while where the sex was amazing but I realised that’s all we had really. He just wanted sex and didn’t want to commit to a proper relationship.
i am just worried its a once in a lifetime thing lolHe should concentrate on you first of all and make sure you are satified or at least close before he gets to finish. Even if he does have a habit of finishing quick he shouldnt just be declaring 'job done' and ending the session there.
There are plenty of things he could be doing to continue the pleasure for you once hes over the finish line. Rather selfish to stop simply because he has finished, to me the other persons pleasure has always been common courtesy and if they want to return that courtesy then perfect.
Sex isn’t the be all and end all of a relationship / marriage but I think we all need intimacy and to feel loved And to connect with your partner but there are other and less tiring ways of doing it. If you and your partner are both happy with the amount or sex you have monthly weekly yearly whatever.. I don’t think it matters. Relationships never stay how they are at the beginning when you’re all over each other but that’s ok kids life work house work all get in the way sometimes.. I don’t think anyone should stress they don’t do it enough as long as you feel loved by your partner and vice versa I don’t think it’s the sole part of a marriage / relationship.
ways of doing it. If you and your partner are both happy with the amount or sex you have monthly weekly yearly whatever.. I don’t think it matters. Relationships never stay how they are at the beginning when you’re all over each other but that’s ok kids life work house work all get in the way sometimes.. I don’t think anyone should stress they don’t do it enough as long as you feel loved by your partner and vice versa I don’t think it’s the sole part of a marriage / relationship.
This.
I don't mean to make you feel bad but my partner will make sure I'm satisfied before he is. That is what foreplay is for. I'm pretty sure it is something like 80% of women cannot be satisfied by penetration alone, but luckily there are other ways which work for most ladies!
This thread is very interesting. We are together 14 years, married 2, 4 kids, and I can honestly say we have sensational sex at least every second morning/night. The times we do miss we make up for it! It has been this way since day one and has never changed (apart from periods and after birth). We both have high sex drives. Im very very lucky!
I do wonder if men (it does seem to be mostly men that want it more anecdotally) are okay with less sex now because of porn?