How much sex is "normal" in a relationship

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He isn’t great if he isn’t willing to listen and make sure you are taken care of too...especially if it bothers you.
he should take care of you first... there are lots of ways. Maybe start experimenting with toys. Also there is always oral that honestly can be a lot better than actual penetrative sex, especially bc not all women will have an orgasm just from penetration.

I don’t unless I’m not turned on enough and that’s not just about “lubrication”. Also condoms can cause more friction too so if you’re using them, experimenting with different types and brands could help.
Ive rarely found any women that orgasm from penetration alone so toys and oral for sure would help. Also condoms can cause allergies and the lube that comes on them wears off really fast and is pretty useless actually.

Ive always found lube is essential no matter what. It enhances the experience for everyone and stops minor friction cuts happening as often and overall just makes everything a little more comfortable for everyone. Latex free ones are pretty expensive but if you are in the position to not use them safely then it might lessen the chances of injury.

We don’t use condoms anymore but even when we did I didn’t notice a difference. Always so sore after like at first it stings like a cut then just feels bruised for about 24hrs. Sometimes a bath helps. 🤷‍♀️
Always start very slowly and as I said above I would always recommend lube no matter what, it certainly saves on any injuries and makes everything easier and more comfortable for both people.

Also if you have experienced this a few times your body might be subconsciously tensing up as you are associating it with pain.
 
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I dont think there is a normal really. Pre kids we would easily have sex every day or more.

Post kids especially when we had babies it could be months without. Sleep is just more important. Now we could have sex daily for a week then not have it for 3 weeks.

When we do have sex though it's amazing and probably one of the things that has kept us together through tough times.

The more sex we have though, the more we want. If we get into a habit of not doing it then it tends to be that way.

Sex isnt the be all and end all of a relationship as long as both parties are happy with the quality and quantity.
 
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Yeah mentioned it a couple times, they just said the same that I wasn’t turned on when I know I am. It’s been the same with every partner I’ve ever had since I lost my virginity :unsure: . Weirdly have no issue with examinations at the doctors (have had quite a few abormal smears and subsequent investigations over the years). I do have very sensitive skin so thought maybe some sort of irritation - I dunno.
This is TMI but i use to be sore for days went to the clinic and they couldn't find anything wrong. It did go away after about a year .
 
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I dont think there is a normal really. Pre kids we would easily have sex every day or more.

The more sex we have though, the more we want. If we get into a habit of not doing it then it tends to be that way.

Sex isnt the be all and end all of a relationship as long as both parties are happy with the quality and quantity.
I would totally agree, hard to find the time and energy when kids are on the scene and my partners sex drive is hormone driven and the more we have the more she wants too. To the point that she would happily go again and again and is pretty insatiable if we have it frequently but if we dont then she can see saw back to going without for a little while too.
 
Me and my boyfriend are in our early 20s, been together 5 years, long distance, both on antidepressants.

Whenever I stay at his we only do it like once/twice whilst I’m there because I find it really embarrassing/awkward. I feel like I can’t fully relax and “get into it” because I’m worried someone will come in the room amongst other things. I’m self conscious of my body which I guess doesn’t help. I’m also absolutely terrified of getting pregnant so I’m just put off sex altogether. I also find it painful, but I guess it’s because I’m constantly tense and on edge.

He has a waaaaaay higher sex drive than me and I constantly feel guilty.
 
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Me and my boyfriend are in our early 20s, been together 5 years, long distance, both on antidepressants.

Whenever I stay at his we only do it like once/twice whilst I’m there because I find it really embarrassing/awkward. I feel like I can’t fully relax and “get into it” because I’m worried someone will come in the room amongst other things. I’m self conscious of my body which I guess doesn’t help. I’m also absolutely terrified of getting pregnant so I’m just put off sex altogether. I also find it painful, but I guess it’s because I’m constantly tense and on edge.

He has a waaaaaay higher sex drive than me and I constantly feel guilty.
Assuming you are using contraception, if you have that sorted and use something reliable then that may help you to relax. Does having the lights off help or a lock on the door etc? Maybe try when everyone else is out (although obviously at the moment not very much with coronavirus!)
 
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Usually once a week. I'd do it more often but my partner's often too tired (he works shifts). I've always had a pretty high sex drive and found my match when I met him. Been together a couple of years now and he's annoyed by his lack of libido, too. It's probably hormones? He's 48, I'm 42, no kids together (we both do with previous partners.)
 
Me and my boyfriend are in our early 20s, been together 5 years, long distance, both on antidepressants.

Whenever I stay at his we only do it like once/twice whilst I’m there because I find it really embarrassing/awkward. I feel like I can’t fully relax and “get into it” because I’m worried someone will come in the room amongst other things. I’m self conscious of my body which I guess doesn’t help. I’m also absolutely terrified of getting pregnant so I’m just put off sex altogether. I also find it painful, but I guess it’s because I’m constantly tense and on edge.

He has a waaaaaay higher sex drive than me and I constantly feel guilty.
I get like this sometimes . I use to rely on drink to get myself relaxed.
 
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We’ve been together over 10 years. For us it can be quite up and down depending on my husbands mental health.

He’s not a typical, sex on his brain constantly man and usually lasts about 40 mins! We had some Issues earlier in the year and we went on a make or break holiday and it did wonders for us. 2-3 times a day on holiday and it continued for a while when we got back. We tend to go lots or none, we had some bad news recently and we stopped as neither of us had the brain space or energy. But twice last night so it’s back on again 😊

It works for us and it’s fantastic when it does so I’d rather that than every night a naff quicky!
 
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This is currently frustrating me greatly
So apparently we are trying for a second baby but my husband insists on using Ovulation sticks and our sex is scheduled around that - maybe once or twice a month and of course that will never help!! This month I didn’t even put them out and yesterday I said I had period cramps and he said oh your period already...I never saw any strips...my monthly cycle is 27 days so just shows his lack of interest
He keeps saying oh I do want to make an effort but never does it’s only when he has a drink at the weekend
I feel a bit worthless and don’t make an effort with myself since - what’s the point - it’s like living with a friend now...
 
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In our early/mid 20s, don’t live together so only see each other at the weekend. We have sex usually 2/3 times over the weekend.. sometimes more, sometimes less but that’s a rough average.
 
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I don’t think there is a normal, but you have to both be happy with whatever the status quo is.
We are in our early 30s and I’m 7 weeks pregnant which has upped my sex drive. Currently having sex 3x week - prior to this we were TTC so having sex like every day from last day of my period to a few days after ovulation. If we weren’t TTC our normal would have been once a week to once a fortnight - we both work busy stressful jobs and I had a lower sex drive than I do now!
 
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So apparently we are trying for a second baby but my husband insists on using Ovulation sticks and our sex is scheduled around that.
Doesnt sound like something that was mutually agreed and sounds like you are just going along with it.

my husband insists on using Ovulation sticks and our sex is scheduled around that - maybe once or twice a month and of course that will never help!! This month I didn’t even put them out and yesterday I said I had period cramps and he said oh your period already...I never saw any strips...my monthly cycle is 27 days so just shows his lack of interest
He keeps saying oh I do want to make an effort but never does it’s only when he has a drink at the weekend
I feel a bit worthless and don’t make an effort with myself since - what’s the point - it’s like living with a friend now...
Not surprised you are feeling like that, it all sounds very scheduled and robotic and no feeling, emotion or passion involved. Its sucked all the fun out of having sex and turned it into a job and would you be happy with getting pregnant this way and having a child with someone that you are looking at as 'a friend'?
 
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We started off like rabbits in the honeymoon phase as my OH called it for like 3 months then it moved to every few days then weekly now it’s hit and miss , he says in the week he is work minded and due to hating his job he can’t focus and isn’t majorly important to him , then weekend is consumed with being dad with the kids so we don’t have contact so they don’t run back and tell the ex , we just don’t show any affection I even sleep on the sofa so they can get into our bed if they need to ,
It gets me so down the lack of contact and if I bring the subject up which I have a lot I get shot down and told that it simply isn’t as important to him as me ,
He says our time is holidays and trips away 🤷🏼‍♀️ Which our next few trips are with the kids so won’t be happening then , I get really annoyed because I know he sorts himself out and I’ve told him that upsets me because he’s not reason to do that ! When he’s got a GF more than willing , he thinks I don’t know but girls know right ! I get to the point that I don’t touch him in bed for fear of rejection , but I love him and the kids and what’s a girl to do !
 
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We started off like rabbits in the honeymoon phase
A pretty usual situation but if it was there before its something that you could reclaim in time at least.

he says in the week he is work minded and due to hating his job he can’t focus and isn’t majorly important to him
Again there arent too many people who would say they LOVE their job, most of us just tolerate it and others loathe theirs and its not really a good excuse. Its important to you so it should be important to him too, as a couple something which is making 1 of you unhappy effects you both and he needs to understand that.

weekend is consumed with being dad with the kids so we don’t have contact so they don’t run back and tell the ex , we just don’t show any affection I even sleep on the sofa so they can get into our bed if they need to ,
While I appreicate hes being a dad to the kids he has a duty to you also and thats no way to live and the fact you would put yourself through that for him shows that you care about how he feels and about them but need to put your own happiness first too.

It gets me so down the lack of contact and if I bring the subject up which I have a lot I get shot down and told that it simply isn’t as important to him as me ,
He says our time is holidays and trips away 🤷🏼‍♀️ Which our next few trips are with the kids so won’t be happening then , I get really annoyed because I know he sorts himself out and I’ve told him that upsets me because he’s not reason to do that !
Situation is unfortunate but not unfixable and he needs to know that it should be important to him as its clearly effecting your relationship and putting an unnecessary strain on it. If hes sorting himself out then mentally hes still getting turned on and getting the urge for sex, just not physically getting down to that with you. I mean a lot of people still openly masturbate when in relationships due to varying sex drives but when you arent having much sex at all its cause for concern.

When he’s got a GF more than willing , he thinks I don’t know but girls know right ! I get to the point that I don’t touch him in bed for fear of rejection , but I love him and the kids and what’s a girl to do !
Always found it strange when you have a partner who is more than willing to give you pleasure and you can experience it together, why you would simply choose to just go it alone instead and make no effort. It creates a constant cycle and if you are having to second guess making a move for fear of rejection its hardly something you can do spontaneously or at spur of the moment and if you have to ovethink everything then its going to ruin your desire.

Really hope you can both sort it out between you. 🤞
 
A pretty usual situation but if it was there before its something that you could reclaim in time at least.



Again there arent too many people who would say they LOVE their job, most of us just tolerate it and others loathe theirs and its not really a good excuse. Its important to you so it should be important to him too, as a couple something which is making 1 of you unhappy effects you both and he needs to understand that.



While I appreicate hes being a dad to the kids he has a duty to you also and thats no way to live and the fact you would put yourself through that for him shows that you care about how he feels and about them but need to put your own happiness first too.



Situation is unfortunate but not unfixable and he needs to know that it should be important to him as its clearly effecting your relationship and putting an unnecessary strain on it. If hes sorting himself out then mentally hes still getting turned on and getting the urge for sex, just not physically getting down to that with you. I mean a lot of people still openly masturbate when in relationships due to varying sex drives but when you arent having much sex at all its cause for concern.



Always found it strange when you have a partner who is more than willing to give you pleasure and you can experience it together, why you would simply choose to just go it alone instead and make no effort. It creates a constant cycle and if you are having to second guess making a move for fear of rejection its hardly something you can do spontaneously or at spur of the moment and if you have to ovethink everything then its going to ruin your desire.

Really hope you can both sort it out between you. 🤞
Thank you !
We do talk a lot about it and he says it’s not that he doesn’t want sex he just can’t be bothered after work for 5 days and the kids atm for the whole weekend ,
That’s since covid and summer holidays am praying it goes back to only having them 1 day at the weekend so we have a day off to ,

last time I told him I was missing affection he said that that’s the way he is but I can’t get out my head that he wasn’t like that at the start ,
am praying for after the summer holidays and at the moment he’s hell bent on getting trips away for us we just don’t have the time off to do it
 
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Doesnt sound like something that was mutually agreed and sounds like you are just going along with it.



Not surprised you are feeling like that, it all sounds very scheduled and robotic and no feeling, emotion or passion involved. Its sucked all the fun out of having sex and turned it into a job and would you be happy with getting pregnant this way and having a child with someone that you are looking at as 'a friend'?
You’re so right! Extremely robotic and devoid of all emotion!! I think he only comes near me if he’s had a drink. He’s under pressure at work but we’ve all got stress. I’ve talked about it so many times and he said he will change...never does. I feel as if I’m being unreasonable or is it that he makes me feel as if I am 😩
 
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You’re so right! Extremely robotic and devoid of all emotion!! I think he only comes near me if he’s had a drink. He’s under pressure at work but we’ve all got stress. I’ve talked about it so many times and he said he will change...never does. I feel as if I’m being unreasonable or is it that he makes me feel as if I am 😩
That’s how I am , and I said I feel dead rejected and it’s hard when I love him and fancy him and feel like I must repulse him but assures me it’s not the case , has a drink he’s super affectionate and if we go away he’s like a different person 🤷🏼‍♀️
But he does make me feel like it’s my issue only