How much sex is "normal" in a relationship

[Glitteryshoesandpinktutus]

I was the same when pregnant, wanted it so much more and my husband not so much. He used excuses the entirety of my pregnancy but I knew it was because he was put off by the bump (he’s admitted that’s what it was since having my daughter) so I do think it’s totally normal!

I feel like a terrible partner now, both times I was pregnant I was constantly super horny and didn’t think I really asked my husband if he wanted to or not, just accosted him several times a week... in the shower usually for some reason. Only your posts just now made me consider that he might not have been as into it as me

 

[Tricham]

Not sure what to vote for because for us, it's more like fortnightly. Not that we plan it, but that's when we get time off work! We work 12 days on, 2 days off.. and we are often too exhausted to do it unless it is our days off - we have a physical job and do 20+ hours overtime a month!
After reading others I feel we are slacking For what it's worth we are pre-kids, late 20s, together 10 years. Even though we don't have full blown sex everyday though we do flirt and touch everyday - as long as the intimacy is there and wanted, I think that's healthy. It's not like it isn't wanted.

 

[Missoula18]

We work 12 days on, 2 days off.. and we are often too exhausted to do it unless it is our days off - we have a physical job and do 20+ hours overtime a month!

That’s horrendous, is that even legal?!

 

[disillusionedbythegram]

I feel like a terrible partner now, both times I was pregnant I was constantly super horny and didn’t think I really asked my husband if he wanted to or not, just accosted him several times a week... in the shower usually for some reason. Only your posts just now made me consider that he might not have been as into it as me

I wouldn’t feel bad! He was perfectly entitled to decline I guess!

 

[Toriagloria]

Been with my husband for 17 years And we are both 40. We do it about twice a week. Usually too tired to do it any More than that lol

 

[Riggs]

Everyone has their own preferences and its whatever suits you and your relationship. Personally a couple of time a week is our average at the moment and with 3 children thats fairly good going as they have a habit of interrupting at the worst possible times. I try to be spontaneous about it as we have been together 12 years and want to keep that excitement going as long as I can but can very hard with children around.

He loves giving oral (sorry tmi) which I am very grateful for there has been times where we’ve done it less often and times where it picks up to 4/5 times a week. I think regular sex is an important part for our relationship at least.

I love giving it too but my wife gets pretty self conscious about receiving it so doesn't happen as often as I would do it personally these days. For some reason shes also not very confident in her own skills (even though shes really good) and it has now been some years since shes had the confidence to do it but thats her choice.

Sex is also an important part of our relationship and my wifes sex drive is affected by her hormones. Sometimes she is completely insatiable and would go all day and others she would pull away from me even touching her so I have to work out the timings as im the main initiator.

 

[Ifyoucantbeatemjoinem]

We average 3 times a week I guess.

 

[onmylunchbreak]

I love giving it too but my wife gets pretty self conscious about receiving it so doesn't happen as often as I would do it personally these days. For some reason shes also not very confident in her own skills (even though shes really good) and it has now been some years since shes had the confidence to do it but thats her choice.

Sex is also an important part of our relationship and my wifes sex drive is affected by her hormones. Sometimes she is completely insatiable and would go all day and others she would pull away from me even touching her so I have to work out the timings as im the main initiator.

I can relate, it’s really common for women to feel very self conscious about the way they look/smell/taste. I actually think a lot of it is that in porn films most of the pornstars have had their bits butchered by a plastic surgeon! I feel conscious too but it reassures to know that he very clearly enjoys it so really make a fuss of that and she may start to be more ok with it.

It’s also a really good idea to keep a close eye on her menstural cycle to look for patterns. Around my period I am not up for it, or even affectionate. The day before my period I am evil. Since my husband has become more in tune with me, he is more willing to let my snappiness go if he knows it’s my time of the month. Equally days 10-16 ish I am very up for sex. If she’s open to talking about it, ask her to download clue or an app like that and she can show you what stage she’s at of her cycle. Then you won’t be second guessing quite so much. Us women are complicated beings ruled so much by our hormones. I don’t envy you trying to figure us out!

 

[Riggs]

I can relate, it’s really common for women to feel very self conscious about the way they look/smell/taste. I actually think a lot of it is that in porn films most of the pornstars have had their bits butchered by a plastic surgeon! I feel conscious too but it reassures to know that he very clearly enjoys it so really make a fuss of that and she may start to be more ok with it.

It’s also a really good idea to keep a close eye on her menstural cycle to look for patterns. Around my period I am not up for it, or even affectionate. The day before my period I am evil. Since my husband has become more in tune with me, he is more willing to let my snappiness go if he knows it’s my time of the month. Equally days 10-16 ish I am very up for sex. If she’s open to talking about it, ask her to download clue or an app like that and she can show you what stage she’s at of her cycle. Then you won’t be second guessing quite so much. Us women are complicated beings ruled so much by our hormones. I don’t envy you trying to figure us out!

I can appreciate that and she was even more self conscious having given birth twice in last 6 years which I can totally understand when your body has been through that. Ive told her countless times that I enjoy it and she shouldnt overthink things like that as she often she gets inside her own head and puts doubts into her mind far too often.

When she just lets loose and lets her inhibitions go shes rather adventurous (she was a sex toy tester for some years before last 2 births) but she lacks confidence a lot these days and been trying my best to help her shake that off. Being stuck in lockdown looking after the children all day and thinking purely as a mother day in day out I think its been hard for her to slip back into 'wife & lover mindframe' so I dont mind her being 'snappy' and have tried to be accommodating to when she suddenly switches from no interest to jumping on me at drop of a hat.

 

[Am49704]

We are usually once a week but depends on work etc

 

[Bogwoppit]

Me & my husband haven’t had sex in 19 months. (I’m counting) & only had sex twice in the last 4 yrs, I’ve given up now, tired of rejection now just get on with my life, I do occasionally feel down & miserable but if I talk to him he tells me I’m selfish!

 

[Missoula18]

Me & my husband haven’t had sex in 19 months. (I’m counting) & only had sex twice in the last 4 yrs, I’ve given up now, tired of rejection now just get on with my life, I do occasionally feel down & miserable but if I talk to him he tells me I’m selfish!

Why do you stay?

 

[Spencerskates]

We’re in our late 20s, together 3 years, don’t live together (thanks Covid for delaying our new build house massively) and see each other every weekend and sometimes once midweek depending on both of our shifts. We’re intimate in some way every time we see each other but it’s not always full sex. I’m one of the rare women where my sex drive is much higher than my partner’s and he sometimes experiences ED.

 

[Prodcon21]

Me & my husband haven’t had sex in 19 months. (I’m counting) & only had sex twice in the last 4 yrs, I’ve given up now, tired of rejection now just get on with my life, I do occasionally feel down & miserable but if I talk to him he tells me I’m selfish!

You shouldn’t have to put up with that. He’s the selfish one.

 

[Daisyxo]

Currently single but in my last relationship we went 14 months without sleeping together before we broke up. We were mid 20's, living together and have no kids. In hindsight that was the biggest indicator that it was over between us but neither of us ever brought it up or addressed it, we just plodded along. Even when we were breaking up the fact that we hadn't been intimate in over a year wasn't discussed, it was just so bizarre. Never again!

 

[Horatio]

Currently single but in my last relationship we went 14 months without sleeping together before we broke up. We were mid 20's, living together and have no kids. In hindsight that was the biggest indicator that it was over between us but neither of us ever brought it up or addressed it, we just plodded along. Even when we were breaking up the fact that we hadn't been intimate in over a year wasn't discussed, it was just so bizarre. Never again!

Aah that sounds like hell. I hate an elephant in the room situation so much and that sounds like a whopper (sex always is).
I’ve been there to a lesser degree so I know how it can become a habit to avoid the subject and delude yourself the other person isn’t thinking about it like you are (if you are they are. Probably more than you). The longer it continues the harder it is to address so I always try to nip it in the bud to avoid the habit forming at all by reminding myself however awkward the subject can be, not talking about it is even more awkward.

this made me laugh earlier. For those who aren’t entirely caught up with my recent sexual history as detailed earlier in this thread ( I’m sure you all are but just in case !), my last relationship ended in February and the last few weeks we were forced living together was ugly in every way imaginable- emotionally, psychologically, probably physically in terms of prematurely induced frown lines grey hairs unhealthy eating etc It was pure hell but probably the best sex we ever had. My friends advised me against any intimacy at all but honestly if we had to be in the same space , at least we had that. I know he felt the same. You can thrash a lot out thrashing it out like that and sleep better for it (in separate rooms). I was having the rare kind of orgasm (penetrative) occasionally and all. I don’t regret it. Anyway a relatable tweet that sums up that dynamic :

 

[openbook1]

It has been way too long for us...a number of years. I have endometriosis and get in a lot of pain when having sex because of it. I am scheduled to have surgery to remove it this year so hopefully things will be better after that!

 

[Kandy floss]

Mid 20s, been together 3 years.

When we first got together it was 2-3 times every time we saw each other which was usually every other day.

About a year in it slowed down to once or twice a week and now it’s once every 3-4 weeks. We both live with parents which puts me off. We’re buying a house next year and I think it’ll pick back up then. My boyfriends definitely hoping it will anyway

 

[Itsjustwhatithink!]

Pre-kids it was a couple of times a week, post kids its more like once a week/fortnight BUT the sex we do have now is soooooo much better, think it's the ease of knowing we're not trying to get pregnant anymore and just enjoying it, plus not doing it so often makes us put more effort in when we do.

 

[Alexi92]

Not since June 2018 as he says he is asexual (yeah, right) think the last time he was drunk tbh just used to it now