Helen Anderson #9 had a threesome, kind of..

[Lunamoon22]

Managed to screen grab this one before she deletes it (I thought she had deleted it already but just refreshed the comments and it's still there for now)

 

[Kat_Valentine]

Why does she sound like a cross between Danny Dyer and Dick Van Dyke in Mary Poppins?

also, re: the fart. Yes we all do it, we all shit too but I wouldn’t want to watch Helen take a shit on a vlog. She needs to grow up.

 

[just_stir_it_una]

Jokes on her for buying a new microwave. I know they're convenient and all, but the nuking the nutrients in your food gives your body the calories but no nutrients hence more weight gain. You might as well not eat

that’s suuuuch an old and outdated myth of how microwaves work they’re perfectly safe and healthy to use, no need to pull out the tinfoil hats.

 

[Lunamoon22]

VIDEO SUMMARY:
Vlogmas Day 15
My Current Favourite Everyday look GRWM
​

[DESCRIPTION: For today's vlogmas I wanted to share my current favourite everyday look. Enjoy!]

Starting off the vlog looking at her naked chubby legs and scabby heels as she strips off and gets into the bath

Now we're cutting to her sitting down getting ready.

She's already lost count on what number she's up to on vlogmas. Really?

For today's vlogmas she wants to do a chill 'get ready with me' just coz.

"Im really liking my routine at the moment" she mumbles whilst fingering her spots around her mouth

"so I wanna film it" she shrugs, CLEARLY out of ideas for vlogmas. She wipes her nose with the same fingers she just rubbed all over her spots.

So far today she went to bootcamp, walked the dogs, tidied the WHOLE house - she said she took her time with that and it took a while.

Now she's scratching the nape of her neck.

"Just coz" she rolls her eyes.

"I dun ma emails n ad sum lunch and then got ready" So wait, have we already skipped the getting ready part?

"now I'm getting ready" dammit.

"Don't really av much to do today, which is quite kewl"

"not been too busy today. I'll pop out later" of course you will, when are you never off out somewhere during a pandemic?

She's quite excited about getting ready and had her bin bag shirt in mind for what she wanted to wear - she got another freebie from Megan Ellaby and she's wearing that underneath the bin bag.

"dis is lyke a fake levva shirt fing, just fil kewl"

Here we go with shoving a bunch of shit on her face. I can just feeeeeel CHRISTMAS being ENCAPSULATED into EVERY VLOG.

not.​

"LA ROSHHH POSSSSAY" She tries to pronounce her vitamin C serum

"I'm gettin' ma 'air dun tomorrow n I'm reallly excited" she says "I woz worried cuz Landan is going into tier free, but 'airdressers n shops are still lyke.... PERSONAL SERVICES and shops are still stayin' open... It's just pubs n restaurants n stuff lyke dat av gotta close"

She gives us a full nostril view.

"I'm Im I'm a little bit nervous...." she says after just saying how excited she is about it, "bout goin' ta Landa naow they're going inta tier free..."

"I.... I know that gettin' yer 'air dun isn't essential... but I'm just finkin' about going.... lyke.... DRIVIN' there, so I'm in my car, going straight there and back again" sure that will fool old Covid if you're in and out of London in a flash, Helen

She says that she KNOWS the salon is super clean and safe. Sure, Jan.

"WOTEVA. It's just.... it's just a bit NERVY"

"Once the vitamin C is in my face... SORRY!!!! I FEEL REALLY CHILL TODAY!!!! So I'm just REALLY like 'YEAHHHH MANNNN'" She sways like she's high on something.

"No reason though! Don't worry!" she quickly says

"I'm not on anything" she half opens her eyes

"I'm just feeling really chill"

Shoves on some more products - does a weird "YEAAAAAY" at her Bare Minerals freebies she got sent

"Smoothness.... SMOOTHNESS!!!!"

She reads out her new free products as if she was advertising them....

"AWWWWW YEAAAAH!!!"

She itches her ear with her spot/nose prodding finger

"This other stuff came from another brand" she grabs more product to advertise.

She got some anti aging stuff "coz I'm gettin' old"

"I don't really talk about skin care that much" she sticks another finger in her ear,

"just kinda a bit basic wiv it, like sum people are really really really gud at skincare" she throws her head back and shows us her nostrils again

"and they tawk abaowt it like their pashin' whereas I'm just, well, I just use wot I need" or use what is free you mean.... "It's just not that exciting!" neither is this video, Helga.

She turns into a toad.

She says how she likes sticking to the same shit "maybe I should talk about it more? I dunno?" she shrugs. Please don't Helen, your skin is shit.

She then backtracks and thinks she wouldn't be good at it as the field is already saturated with people who actually know what they're talking about.

So Christmassy.

Shoves some more shit on her face. Says her bare minerals shit she has to be careful when she puts it onto her brush as it has fallen off before and landed on her clothes.

She worries that sometimes when she wears make up it just sits on top of her face (it does) but this Bare Minerals shit feels like its going in

"AHHHH! LOOOOVELY!" she squeals

Puts on concealer next but wonders why it's got a lot of crap all over the bottle - there's no method to putting this on, she just slaps it ALLLL over.

Bronzer time. "I've been lovin' doin' vlogmas by der way... I woz really nervous and like fort it woz gunna be a really dauntin', overwhelmin' crazy fing to do. To be honest, it's been quite managable" That's what happens when you put no effort into it and take 2 days off every week for a month long filming and uploading every single day challenge, idiot.

She continues piling on the bronzer. Her cheeks must be sore from all this rubbing.

"normally I would be going to Landaaaan" ....you're going there tomorrow Helen...

"I'm glad that it's going down well" girl... have you SEEN your VIEWS???

"the support in the comments is sooo nice. I do I do I do get nervous about uploading these days. Not as strong as I used to be guys." she couldn't hold in that laugh.

She opens her blusher "God, make up is GROSS innit?"

"Bitta Pat Trick Tarr blush"..... wait.... did she fuck up saying PATRICK STAR?! Jesus Christ.

"mine dirteee" she complains, seriously she's not even saying words properly now....

"It's just got bits of finga prints on n everyfing"

She's trying to figure out how she's going to upload on Christmas, she might do from the 23rd onward as one loooong video, as she doesn't want to work and do editing. She can't believe some people do their 'what I got for Christmas' videos all filmed, edited and uploaded on Christmas day. (dem's the people who get the views Helen, if you want them - you gotta work for them!)

"I mean that's not being disrespectful..... like do wot you want, but I just don't understand, me I'm like just enjoy the bloody break, have time with yer family, like av a break from uploadin for the day, I'm sure that can wait..... that's just me though coz I fink it's really important to really have a lovely chill time on Christmas day and I fink like, yeah, it's like GIVE IT A REST lol GIVE IT A REST"

Reminds us that Christmas eve is Fil's birthday and that they're going away for it.

Continues to yap on about how she's going to film and upload around her relaxing holiday

She's shoving on her eyebrows now

"I'm I'm I'm I've kinda of, I'm at peace now with the current situation in terms or restrictions and lock down" she lieeees, "yeah, I've kinda had my peace with knowing now that I won't be able to see as many people as I'd like as I'd like to or like my family and I am just excited for Christmas now"

This vlog is soooooo dull

She says Fil's all excited and every night when they go to bed they're all eeeee! excited! She's glad that she's with someone who's excitable.

She fingers her nude eye shadow, slams her finger into her eyelid and swirls it around. Gross.

She says that restrictions in a way takes a lot of the pressure off of being here, there, and everywhere - so THAT'S the silver lining for her, the fact that she can be chill.

Complains that her mascara is covered with concealer

"you know wot the secret to ma eye lashes are? Cos they're lookin' PENG.... LVL lash lift"

Lip gloss slapped on takes off her hairband, and "ahhh!" she got her hairband caught in her skanky hair extensions

"errr bloomin' 'ell" she says

"Ewww look at that"

She now tells us how she looooove wearing her hair up in a low bun now, something that she 'could NEVER do before' (but has done before)

"I neva fort I could pull off day chill, cool girl, easy going vibe" ...you still can't Helga.

"I can do wot I want, I can be who I want, yer just gotta OWN it"

Now she gets her dyson air wrap, and slaps some free Matalan earrings in her "cat bum" she says

Struggles to get her earrings in her second holes "WOT YER SAYIN!" she yells at it, the earring isn't saying anything.

"I feel really TRENDY when I look like this" She says, while her bin bag top rustling around

"my style's quite eclectic and I don't want people to fink I'm a fake.... but I really like this"

Rings are shoved on to her sausage hands and she's done

She's going to edit this now and go to the post office and then run some errands (aka go shopping and meet up with people most likely)

And that's it, another SUPER CHRISTMASSY vlog. Such festiveness, such encapsulation, much Christmas.

 

[Lunamoon22]

VIDEO SUMMARY
Vlogmas Day 8
What I eat in a day DECEMBER EDITION​

We've seemed to have skipped a day/vlog.... oh she's re titled her previous vlog to add in day 6-7.

Her description box says "a very honest what I eat in a day December edition"

Can't wait to tuck in to this one, folks!

"Today's vlogmas is going to be a day of food, DECEMBER EDITION!"

"December is that month where you kinda let loose, you don't give a shit and it is all about THE FOOD"

"I'm here for it... I'm here for it" ...well that's obvious, Helga.

"BALANCED DIET?!?! WHAT IS THAT?! WHAOO!

"AOWT DA WINDOW!"

"If you can't relate to that the... pfheweadffff, YOU SHOULDN'T BE HERE, heh heh heh" She pulls a face whilst struggling to screw on a lid to a bottle of oil

She then backtracks and says "to be fair I DO try to keep it balanced.... most of the time" We all know that Helen's idea of balancing is having an over flowing plate of greasy food in one hand and a huge glass of prosecco in the other.

She aint as bovvered these days especially since she's been back to bootcamp and done her work out. And now she's been to Asda and asks if we can guess what she's tapping on....

Helen performs a song on a tin of Quality Street.

She only went in to get milk, but came out with a bunch of chocolate, "Standard" she says as she pulls out her bread and moans that it's been squashed.

One thing she really wanted to share with us is that she signed to Scan and Go, she's well excited that she got a trolley bag "IT'S SO GREAT!" she yells.... calm down Helga, it's just a bag.... now she explains how it works.

"IT'S GENIUS!!!!! IT'S GENIUS!!!! I dunno why I've only just got on that bandwagon"

Enough of this chitter chatter and she's opening her Lindt calendar that her mum got her and says that her mum tells her every year how she's getting too old for advent calendars.

"We won't eva be too old fur advent calendars Sue, wot yer sayin?"

Next is her other chocolate advent calendar that Fil got her.

Now she's emptying the dishwasher... and "OH NO!!! I CANT DO ME PORRIDGE COS I.... MMAHWA.... SHIT" She trails off

Cut to her second coffee of the day (still no Tropicana green juice you were flogging the other day then Helen?)

Now she's saying how she doesn't ever drink enough "worta" cos she forgets.

Her microwave is broken, so she can't do her porridge... and instead of doing it on the stove she's going to have something a little bit different. She opens the cupboard and scrunches her face up

"Mmmm... maybe I'll just ave sum toast today."

Now we get to see her making her toast and as she's not that hungry she might just spread a bit of butter on it. Exciting.

The dogs have been walked and now they get fed.

I love how Helga complains about the dogs being banned from the sofa because they might have muddy paws, yet she walks through her whole house with her gross muddy shoes

Cut to later and she's been on a walk with her friend Robbie, who is a YouTuber who "does really mundane stuff" and he's given her some one his homemade beers.

She shows off the beers and her great big bald patch which seems to be worse every time we see it - she's gotta be photo shopping that bad boy in her picture the other day

Lunch time and she's feeling some sweet chili chicken and SALAD "Yeah baby!"

She's now going to shout out some small food related businesses, while she has a mouthful of food in her mouth.

She shouts out her Catfoodcakes who's a regular gifter to Helga, and a drinks place which also gifts to her.

She comments on a hot choc business, and says that she's going to have some nice little hot chocolates on Christmas eve and "not get absolutely wrecked... hah hah. I'm never getting that drunk Christmas Eve again"

After her savory lunch she "guarantees" that she always needs something sweet - so we raid both the snack boxes - one's healthier ones like graze bars etc, the other's called FIL's Kirby Snacks (wut?) "WHICH ARE RUNNING VERY LOW!!!!!" She shouts.

She explains that Kirby is a video game character (a big pink ball who sucks up everything to eat) and when Fil started living with her, every time he came in he would "annihil...like inhale so much food" and that's why she calls him Kirby....

"It's now a verb if yer Kerbin'"

She's still going on about how Fil eats EVERYTHING.... (she forgets when she had to physically hide her bar of chocolate from him because she ate the whole thing and was worried about him judging her for it... but sure Helz, go off on how your boyfriend is a fatty boom boom)

"It's a sight to see!!! It's like an octopus coming in just grabbing everything and just nom nom nom nom nom. I've not seen anything like it"

So she's in the Kirby box getting a kitkat.

Back to the living room and Helen's got in shot her big tin of Quality Street, celebrations and other chocolate. She's got a bowl out and is allowing Fil to put his "nut crumbs" in it, but she thinks the bowl is too nice for his nut crumbs so she's putting in her Terry's chocolate orange and Fil can have a small dish for his nut crumbs.

"Dee this is chocolate, you really can't eat this"

She's gunna 'ave to keep an eye on bad EGG, fat KIRBY FIL - she don't trust him around her tin of Quality Street, she's gunna have to have words with him when she gets home, and set some ground rules so he doesn't annihilate them.

Cut to her getting her mitts in the sweet bowl already.

Cut to dinner time and she's having a Gusto stew. And... it looks like someone threw up in a bowl.

"FILLY B! YER TEA'S READY!"

Fil mumbles something about the food which makes Helga yell "NO I DID NOT!!!! They are EQUAL measures"

Helga's gunna drink the beer her mate made and now her and Fil are going backwards and forwards saying how nice everything is:

"Ohh, that's nice"
"Ohhh yeah, that is good"
"Ohhh, yeah, it's really nice"
"That is quite good"
"Ooh yeah it is nice"
"It is nice"

And cut to another food thing for the day... It's a gift from regular gifter Lola's Cupcakes.

She gets to decorate some cupcakes now. "FIL are you sure you don't want to join in on this" no Helen, Fil's got kill streaks to rack up in Call of Duty.

Oh, she's now made Fil get involved and they're decorating together. Fun. They're both drooling over everything.

Fil's making Helga nervous as she watches him decorate, we don't know why. She's now teaching him how to ice a cupcake. He did a little dollop and stuck on a snowman's face but Helen isn't impressed - he could have put WAY more icing on there.

"Do you want me to ice it and you decorate" says control freak Helga

"Do you just want to do it yourself?" snaps Fil

"No no no no no" Says Helga "It's fine it's fine... just..... put a bit more on it.... that's all I'm saying.... ok......? It's cool" Jesus Christ, let the poor boy have fun icing a cake the way he wants to Helen.

"I'm not faulting you by the way" she says... after faulting him, then mimics "DO YOU JUST WANT TO... hahaha sorryyyy"

Fil's put more icing on, "ah see that's really nice, and you could put some sprinkles on it too" she says while grabbing a handful of sprinkles and goes to put some on Fil's cake.... she really has to control EVERYTHING.

Now Fil's moaning that Helga's used up all the red icing.

Helen laughs that the brown icing looks like a big dog poo

Now it's time to eat them all.

Cut to later it's Helen's fav time of the day, decaf coffee and duvet on the sofa. Once Fil's off of his game she's making them watch some TV and then bed.

That's all.

(to sum up - and remember this is her DECEMBER EDITION, she ate:
x1 lindt advent chocolate
x1 Reeces advent chocolate
x2 slices of toast with butter
x1 bowl of salad, with chicken, bread and some sauce
x1 kit kat
x2 celebration chocolates
x1 bowl of Gusto stew
x1 cupcake
x3 coffee
x1 tea
x1 beer

....oh look I didn't even need a spreadsheet to make that list.... )

 

[Teasipper1]

I work with Excel daily for my job, using complex formulas for sheets and sheets of data for 100+ staff and 1000+ of our branches across the UK. I don’t know how she’s sitting there raving about those spreadsheets. They’re just lists? I would understand her hyping it up if she had created something where she typed in the date and it pulled through her shopping list automatically and totalled the price for each product or something but it’s just a LIST with a bunch of merge cells. She’s an absolute idiot. She always over hypes herself, like her ‘teaching’ job and how AMAZING she is at wreath making. Making a whole video on her crappy spreadsheets? NOBODY CARES. You’re a washed up influencer who makes crap, cringe worthy content.

 

[totopops]

This is going to sound really petty and a rant, but I'm absolutely pissed at how easy her life is and how much money she makes.

I'm in a very good position as a person - well paid, own my own home by myself (well with the lovely bank) etc. But I probably make a 1/3-1/4 of what Helen does, and have to actually pay for all the shit I want.

I'm currently dealing with the stress of managing a team of 6 people, all doing different roles, whilst simultaneously setting up an online, national service, with website and full IT/CRM system across a company of 100+ people, with 200k+ customer records. Obviously vague - but I'm working 10 hours a day, constant stress and directors bearing down my neck constantly. I'm fully aware I'm doing a lot better than many people across the country at the moment, so I try not to moan and keep it all in. But I wish my working day consisted of making wreathes and taking photos on walks and editing videos. And I wish all my Christmas gifts could come from PR I don't want. I wish I had enough money in the bank to just "pop to Waitrose" 2-3 times a week for pointless shit. I wish my biggest gripe in life was "wah tattle is complaining about me going out during COVID".

I've followed Helen ever since Tumblr and her first hair tutorial. I always thought she was so down to earth and realistic until the last 2-3 years. I stopped following her during the wedding planning year, but started again after Maff left as I felt connected to her again. But jesus - this year has been super eye opening with how disconnected from the real world she is.

Apologies, guys. Rant over.

 

[BananaPenguin]

This is single-handedly the most hideous dress I have ever seen

 

[SHEEP]

Was checking out the comments and found this haha

 

[sorenips]

I used to think Matt was a TOTAL ASSHOLE. I posted as much on GG (and possibly here as well?)

The awful proposal, the way he spoke to her sometimes, the way he was so checked out at their wedding, the way he left her.

Now it's so obvious that she showed all his worst bits (but not her own), again being a classic narcissist and controlling how others see him.

He proposed like that because he was forced into it. The only choice he felt like he had was the actual proposal so that was his rebellion. He bought her that crappy cheap ring that broke (I remember she said in a vlog that when she took it to be repaired they basically said it was so cheap that it wasn't worth repairing) again, I don't blame him.

He spoke to her the way he did sometimes because he was controlled, frustrated, broken and gaslit to all her viewers. He was brimming with resentment. Think how we all feel about her and her behaviour. Imagine living with her! And then SHE made HIM go to therapy (side note - I can't help but wonder if the therapist picked up on how Helen was treating him and supported him in leaving her)

He was miserable at the wedding because he knew it was a massive mistake. It was the culmination of the Helen show, of all of her control.

Unlike Helen, her "friends", her weird frenemies and ex's gf, I would bet my house that Matt would never in a million years read here. But if he ever did, I'm so sorry for anything bad I said about him. He was clearly going through a lot and had a horrendous edit from the person he should have been able to trust.

It's so reassuring to see him thriving.

 

[TaylorSlattery]

(alcohol, exotic animals, flamingos, tattoos and sausage dogs aren't a personality, Helen).

I think we’ve found our new thread title!

 

[Lunamoon22]

VIDEO SUMMARY
Vlogmas Day 2 - I did 3 Decoration DIYs in one day ​

Starting off with making the bed, having a shower and a coffee (what no starting the day right with the Tropicana green juice?? but what about that ad???)

Dogs are being walked - she did that thing where she put the camera down on the pavement - runs back then films herself walking towards it as if it's her first time walking down that part.... it's so fucking lame and there's people walking past her witnessing this.

She puts Alexa on every morning at 7am to play step into Christmas - and her and Fil woke up really really excited this morning when it played!!!

"one thing i'm really grateful for is havin' a boyfriend who loves Christmas just as much as me" .....he sure seemed well interested while he was playing COD all yesterday Helga.....

Oh my gawd! THEY BOUGHT EACH OTHER THE SAME ADVENT CALENDAR!!! what are the chances??? Must be true love!!! MARRY HIM IMMEDIATELY!!!

Uh oh, Helga's only got two advent calendars this year.... didn't she say in her IG video that if she didn't get at least 3 she'll kick off.....?

"Technically Fil has two advent calendars too, except his is for toooooools" well done Helen, you can count to two!

Then she rawr like a dinosaur at the dogs:

She had a zoom call with one of her collage students, because that's still a thing.

"for an interview they're doing an interview documentary....? documentary for an interview....? interview for a documentary...? I dunno" Helen if you don't know then why are you giving them advice....?

Now home for some early lunch as she's only had advent chocolate for breakfast.

We have a salad on the go because she's well healthy.

And now she's moaning about herself for leaving a big old used tea bag pile....

She's waffling on about teabags dripping and how she could easily go straight to the bin....

Now we're going to do her gifted DIY flower making wreath, there's an online class.... does Helen think this is live because she's saying hello back to the pre recorded video.... has she been drinking again?

"THIS IS SO GREAT!!!!"

Fil's home "you look jazzy" he says

"You look workie" says Helen back....

"CARRY ON WITH THE WREATH MAKINNNNNNNNN!" she grunts loudly

She's done wreath making before. Hooray for you.

She's got another wreath coming this week too.

Now she's moaning about having her usual workshop cancelled even though she booked and paid for it and now she's getting another DIY kit sent to her.

"FIL I'M OVERWHELMED!!!!!" she yells, trying to decide how to do her wreath

"What" pipes up Fil

"It's nice innit?"

"mmm" I suspect Fil is back on COD

She's finished now

And next DIY

She's dried out some of her allium plants and she's spraying them gold - that's it. DIY done.

She might sell them in the future. Fun.

Next DIY

She chopped off the base of her xmas tree and sprayed part of it gold and now she's going to curse the tree by writing "HELEN AND FIL, LOLA AND DIANE 2020" on it - cos they're soooooo in lurrrrrve and so she can treasure it forever.....

(CURSED)

Dinner time and Fil's already wolfed half of his down before she's sat down - probably desperate to get back on to COD

Now we're in the office editing a "sponny job" and yesterday's vlogmas and upload it.

Back to the house, we need multiple camera angles watching her waddle from her office to her house.

"HELLOOOOO, YOU ALRIGHT???" she yells indoors.... she loves constantly asking Fil if he's alright doesn't she?

"YOU OKAYYYY????"

"Yeah, you ok?"

"Yeah I'm ok"

Conversation skills 10/10

One last thing she needs to do - watch out she's drilling... ooop she got the wrong drill bit....

"First attempt was a fail"

Now she sings that she's not great at DIY

Popped a ribbon in her decoration and.....

(CURSED)

Why does it say 2010?!?!?!

puts it on the tree "LOOK THAT'S SO CUTE FIL!!!!" .... Fil does not respond....

Communication

That's it for today.

 

[katiekatiekatie]

Planning something are we, Helga? How embarrassing to publicly like something like that

 

[Routron]

Sorry I'm actually raging a bit at that comment from her - "I didn't understand what it all meant". It has been nine months now.

It's a bit late to be trying to pull that you're confused about the rules.

 

[Lunamoon22]

VIDEO SUMMARY
Vlogmas Day 14
Help me pick what to wear on Christmas Day​

[DESCRIPTION: Sorry about the Audio in parts. Help me pick what to wear on Christmas day. A few lovely options from ASOS!]

The title instantly made me say "no" out loud

Starting off in her car and her mic is peaking she's so loud.

She's starting this week of Vlogmas outside the Skin Clinic to get her pubes lasered (remember when she tried to justify getting them done the day before lock down where she claimed she was supporting a small local business? Lunamoon remembers )

She's going to update us on how it's been going afterwards. She's taken us inside and is asked by the consultant how its all been going after the last treatment "FANTASTIC!!!!" Yells Helen, "SMOOOOOTH! SMOOOOOOOTH!"

"10 DAYS TILL CHRISTMAS!" she randomly tells the lady, and calls her a "MAD WOMAN" because she hasn't done her shopping yet (probably been too busy burning off pubic hair)

Helen wishes she could get her legs done but she cant. "TATTOOOOOOS"

She tells the woman the story about how she's done all her Christmas shopping in October but went into town on Saturday to do more.... I dunno why we have to hear this story again... she's literally repeated her Saturday shopping plans in 3 vlogs now...

"WE WENT AT 'ALF 'ATE, IN THERE, IT WOZ GRATE"

Now we have to witness her having her pubes burned. Fun.

The screen on her camera starts making the picture all wavy - hope no one suffers from motion sickness

Cue a lot of OOOOH's, OH GOD's and heavy panting from Helga, she checks on the pube progress while having a big itch of her tit

More screaming and yelling.

Now she's laying on her front to get her bum done "I just wanna clench but yer can't"

All done now. "I tell everyone it's the best thing ever" says Helga to the lady.

Back home now. She says the whole thing was about 10 minutes in total, she cant remember how many sessions she got for paying for the course, but she remembers getting the course for half price

"Which is great" she scrunches up her face in delight, we all know how Helga HATES paying out for anything,

"You pay for the procedure, and then you go every eight weeks to get it done.... Obviously this year's been a bit difficult because of lock down" My God, is she going to tell us that her PUBES has suffered because of the pandemic???

"the three mumphs we bin in lock down before... I wasn't able to go... so had to do a bit of catching up when I was able to go back. So yeah." she whines.

"I love it. It's an unpleasant feeling"

"I fink it 'urts. There's places where it hurts more in" ....you mean there are more sensitive parts Helga...

"For example the top section, yer pubes" she makes a gesture

"the main bulk of it at the top 'ere" She gestures to her crotch, "dat really 'urts, and that's where I make a fuss of"

The camera starts falling to the side... even it's bored of hearing about her crusty pubes

Tells us how they blow cold air on her fanny to soothe it, and sometimes they'll press down on it to help.

"But it's like 'DO DO DO DO DO DO DO'" Says Helga, imitating a lazer

"Then yer actual bit... like yer... yer....yer Labby-yer... is it yer labby-yer.....? THE LIPS" She creepily says,

"That dun't really 'urt. Also yer bum crack doesn't really 'urt either"

Tells us how she has to shave her pubes before she goes in, and if she has any they're really fine and really blonde hair. Then says that sometimes it looks like a lot of hair is growing but then it just falls out.

"It's great because I dun't get any rashes anymore, I don't 'ave to fink about it anymore"

"IT'S REALLY SMOOOOOTH DAAAAOOWN DERE"

And it's helped her with her confidence apparently as when she would try and get rid of the hair herself, she would have alllll sorts of problems like rashes, irritations and just general uncomfort.

"SEW, LAZA, I SWARE BY IT"

She might get her mustache done next or her pits... she don't know. Now she's staring out the window thinking of being smooth.

(This is fun Christmas content. )

"I mean, OBVIOUSLY body 'air is daown to, y'know de individual it's not a bad thing. I EMBRACE my hair when I got it, I'm like 'oop ma legs r 'airy ew,' or 'ma tash is comin' frew, kewl'" she fibs, "It's daown ta yooou if yer wanna keep it. I just do it for convenience" she scoffs

Finally we cut to later. She's been sorting out a bunch of sponsored content.

Her mic is sooooo awful that we can hear every single breath she takes, and now she's yelling into it. Her chin is rubbing against the mic too. This is a giant mess.

She's filming something for ASOS and reminds us that Christmas Eve is Fil's birthday and how she's got plans for him

"I'VE got a SECRET plan"

"Can't wait" ah yes, because the birthday treat for Fil is also a big old treat for Helga. Perhaps another trip on a birthday boat will be forced upon the birthday boy.

She shows us that she's got her and Fil matching PJs from M&S for Christmas Eve

"Matching, coz I'm sickenin'" she says

Reminds us that last year she wore a onesie on Christmas Day, but she does like to dress up on Christmas day. She's breathing heavily into the microphone.

She says she likes to be a bit extra, but is torn between being comfy or looking glamorous this Christmas.

She wants to show us what she got from her ASOS haul for her ASOS sponsored content.

Diane arrives and Helga tells us how she always stinks of cheese. And has to overly show everyone just how much she loooooooooves Diane, after being criticized for treating her like shite.

Tells us that because she works with ASOS they send her a mood board every month for things that she can pick out. This month is was 80's style, BIG SHOULDERS kind of thing so she's picked out this:

Cut to her trying it on, her tits are falling out when she bends over, but what's new there.

She paired it with white boots because she says she's not very good at wearing smart shoes or strappy shoes or heels or whatever.

She can see herself in this dress, drinking (but honestly every item of clothing she wears she drinks in... Soooo...)

Now she's distracted "Ain't it funny when you see a plane go by in the sky, like, how quick they go?"

Next is a top... with pearly detailing, she has to keep repeating "pearrrrrly detailing"

It's white so it reminds her of snow.

She wonders about dribbling gravy down it.

Oh god, she paired that nice top with her tin foil jeans.

She got the trouser in a "errrm... I'm a 14... w leg 32"

Ooof, they look awful. She says they're really comfy and really stretchy, but from the looks of it she's stretched them right out as they look like they cut in so harshly.

The final dress is "very very red"

Cut to Helen trying to squeeze herself smaller

"It's really comfortable, yer could eat LOADS in it" She's already tested it out by wearing it when eating her giant roast at the weekend.

One last thing that wasn't featured in her ASOS ad was a sparkly top

Cut to later, Gusto has arrived and it's "very Asian themed" she's having a Fish Katsu tonight.

Dinner is served "COME ON FIL IT'S GETTING COLD"

"MMMMM" she's shoving it all down, and now we have a "MMMM" tennis match with Jelly Belly and Kirby Egg

"MMMM"
"MMMM"
"MMMM!"
"MMMM!"
"That's well good!"
"MMM!"

That's all.

So just to recap, most of the video was her poorly explaining how she zapped off hair from her fanny and the final part was just clips of her doing an ASOS ad. I don't get why she made out she was filming a documentary style series about her pube journey back when she employed Grace to film her flaps for her, if in the end she was just going to slap an explanation about it in a vlog....

 

[laceandgold]

 

[Lunamoon22]

Personally, farts always gross me out and make me feel ill, just like burps, it triggers my emetophobia. (She'll probably edit in more now I've said that )

But in a work environment it's unprofessional as fuck, imagine being a small business and being talked about - getting all excited to tell everyone that a YouTuber bought your shit and is promoting it on their channel - then hearing a giant wet fart after. To me that's disrespectful.

 

[Bluelipstick]

Agree with everyone's comments about calories. The fat acceptance movement has really demonised the most simple, free and accessible way to help keep your weight healthy.

No, it hasn't. Fat acceptance is about peoples right to exist in their current body without being attacked for it. Not everyone who has a body society doesn't deem as acceptable wants to diet or be thin and that ok. It's also ok if you DO want to lose weight, your body your choice. But not everyone feels the same.

I do find the discussions around other peoples bodies and diets unnecessary, maybe because I am someone who is bigger than Helen and has battled with a bad relationship to food my whole adult life. I've always been told I'm too big, even when I've lost loads of weight, eaten too low calories or even lost weight from being ill. I've always felt my body isn't good enough, I've felt guilt and shame around it. Counting calories makes me obsessive and miserable. I'm trying to accept my body as it is and not hate it for getting bigger. But it's hard and the world is fat phobic.

Yes, Helen would have more respect off me if she stopped lying about her dress size. But I understand the feelings of shame surrounding admitting you've gained weight because of the judgement you'll face.

 

[Lunamoon22]

Personal preference = she can't be fucked.

 

[luckyblue]

I don't want to start arguing but it's really bothering me that this is just sitting here going unchallenged so I feel the need to respond.

Groups that seek to "protect" women's safe spaces are in fact attempting to roll back rights that already exist for trans people. As far as the law is concerned, trans women have every right to be in a women's only space, these include people who can and do self ID (there is no need for a gender recognition certificate to get past a bathroom door) - so there's nothing to protect from, and in general when groups like WPUK refer to protecting these spaces, what they're actually referring to is legislating for them to become single sex and exclusionary to trans women, which would literally mean rolling back their rights. So yes, protecting women's only spaces, is in fact not only transphobic, in that it targets trans people, women in particular, in an attempt to remove their rights, but it's also misogynistic, because it assumes that trans women are not women and also that cisgender women share that mindset.

I was working on a post to say this too, I completely agree!
WPUK use the terms “woman” and “female” interchangeably in their manifesto. If it were a person on the street I would just correct them on the difference, but this is a large organisation who know what they’re doing.
Biological sex and gender are not the same thing. The “single-sex” spaces they’re trying to protect are things like public bathrooms, healthcare spaces for females, and women’s shelters. If they’re “single sex” I’m assuming they mean they’re for people with female anatomy. Firstly it doesn’t make sense, there are men who are biologically female, so now your “women’s” space includes men. If it’s truly meant to be a “women’s space” why can’t trans women be included?
How would you know a woman in the women’s bathroom is transgender? If you want healthcare spaces for people affected by things like breast cancer, cervical cancer, PCOS, etc. why does that not include trans men? They struggle with those health issues too. Why would we need women’s shelters that exclude trans women? Trans women are more likely to be victims of domestic abuse than cis women, anyone can google the stone wall report on this.
I don’t know if I’m wording this the best, but being trans exclusionary is absolutely transphobic.