Heartbreak.

[Reverend]

I’m curious about what he has to say. My mind is coming up with all sorts of scenarios :/ how are you doing?

Just be very careful. He may be making sure that you are still pining for him to boost his ego. My ex did that to me.

 

[Platformcrocs]

I was with my ex for 7 years from the age of 20. House, car, holidays, the whole thing. Thought we'd get married and have kids. Was really happy, rarely argued. Seemed a little off for a few weeks but blamed it on being busy at work which made sense for time of the year and industry he worked, but then he seemed himself again. Then one day out of the blue he just told me he was done. He didn't think our relationship was going anywhere and he didn't want to be with me anymore although he loved me. He had spoken about us starting a family and how it would work alongside our careers etc literally a few days before. Told me he was really excited to start a family.

So obviously I was completely blindsided. Heartbroken. Couldn't make sense of it all. No one saw it coming, his family and friends could not believe it. In fact I was the one that had to tell people because weeks had gone by and he hadn't told anyone. I thought he might have been having a breakdown, searched for any excuse as to why. Though in a couple of weeks he'd change his mind.

But no, he completely cut me off. Gave me 3 days to pack my things and leave, blocked my number, social media. I thought I'd done something for him to be so cold. I packed and I left, obviously there were a few lingering bits that needed to be sorted for a few weeks after.

About a month later I realised I'd left my passport in his cabinet so I organised through his parents to pop and get it and they let me in. There on top of his cabinet was a valentine's day card from his work colleague. The message in it, because obviously I looked, suggested something had been going on for a while. So that gave me some closure. He bare faced looked me in the eye and told me there was no one else. Liar.

So I think in hindsight, he met her at work, decided he wanted to jump ship, kept me strung along until he knew for certain it was a sure thing with her and then dropped me like the last 7 years meant fuck all. I've never seen or spoken to him since but through mutual friends I've heard he moved her in a few weeks after I left, became step-dad to her daughter, got engaged and had a kid together within the year. Still together as far as I know. So to say that left me with trust issues is an understatement. For a long I tried to understand why or how he could just drop me like that or why I wasn't good enough. They are answers you'll never know.

Fast forward several years and now I've been with my current partner 5 years and we're getting married in a couple of years. Life goes on. You move through it and you find happiness. I never thought I would at the time. I thought I'd never get over it. Granted its left me unable to trust anyone completely and I'm always waiting for it to happen again. The only thing I miss is having the money. He was incredibly successful and were very financially comfortable. But at least now everything I have is mine.

Funnily enough I've seen the same scenario play out with many people and there is ALWAYS someone else. Call it sexist, but i truly believe men do not leave long term relationships unless they have someone else ready to go. I'm yet to be proved wrong although there will be exceptions.

Exact same thing happened to me, even down to finding the valentines card. It was fucking awful. You're right, there is always someone else, even when they say there isn't. Your gut is rarely wrong.

I'm the same in that I don't think I will ever 100% trust someone else (even my current partner) and I can only rely on myself. I'm very protective over everything I own and money etc because I don't want to be left in the shit ever again. These days I just pity my ex - I had to start over and build myself up again whereas he's just coasted along in life. It won't always be that way though and karma will come for him!

 

[BettyCrockerr]

Yes I'm waiting around but I have nothing else to do. I'm not going anywhere. I want to stay in this house if I can, I love it here. If he decides in 6 months time that he wants to come back I'd let him. I'm certainly not going to be looking for another relationship after being with him for so long. It's not a matter of moving on for me, it's a case of learning to cope with my new life for the time being. I can't move on just like that after 13 years when I know that the person I love isn't well. I know that everyone will tell me I need to move on but it's only been 6/7 weeks since I've had the biggest shock of my life and I'm still processing it.

But for how long are you going to put your life and happiness on hold for him? 6 months? A year? 5 years? 10? While he does what? Goes to therapy? Moves on with his life? Starts a new relationship?
If he’s mentally unwell that’s obviously something that he needs to sort out but you seriously cannot just put your whole life on hold for something that may never be sorted or for a man who may never be the same again or who may never want to come back.

 

[BettyCrockerr]

Thank you for your comments, he varies between being not religious to more religous. He said for me to try and be muslim (just a bad one) & as soon as i had a drink he couldnt take it.. its really hard, as i am willing to compromise, raise any children as muslim just me myself i cant be muslim. I dont know if his behaviour is just stubborn to see who gives in first. He is heartbroken without me. But who knows.. i guess only time will tell. Its soo hard when you break up but both love eachother. He wasnt toxic. He wants what he wants & he isnt really stringing me on, he said if i cant be muslim he cant be with me. Hes such a good person. But yeh sorry to bore you x

If he can’t be with you for whatever reason fair enough. But what isn’t fair and what isn’t right is him constantly reeling you in with 3 hour phone calls where he tells you how much he loves you etc - it’s emotional pressure. He’s telling you that if only you would convert then that’s the golden ticket to being together. It stinks. Please just get away from him. This kind of bullshit never ends well!!

 

[BettyCrockerr]

If you're in a relationship where you just couldn't or can't cope mentally, physically or financially without them, then you have absolutely no business being in a relationship. That's dependency, not love.

By all means be with someone, but also make sure that you're comfortable being alone. You said this isn't a toxic relationship thread, but some of the posters on here have said things that show massive red flags of their situation being toxic. Should we just slide on past that and let a woman who may not even know she's being used or manipulated just carry on into a situation that could go horribly wrong?

 

[holliebollie]

Well he’s just ditched me... mixed feelings, gutted it’s over as I was previously very happy. But I WAS FUCKING RIGHT! I knew it! He’ll be the one regretting it by tomorrow. I feel strangely happy that I was right, it wasn’t me being overly sensitive. He swears that no one else has contacted him or anything, and I do believe him but maybe I’m a gullible sap.

 

[grannypants]

Been reading this thread this morning and it’s so sad.

It seems like lockdown destroyed a lot of relationships - it nearly destroyed mine.

My boyfriend of two years broke up with me in early May last year, completely out of the blue. We hadnt seen each other in six weeks due to lockdown. He had text me in the morning saying he loved me, then in the evening he broke up with me. I was completely blindsided.

I was absolutely heartbroken, couldn’t eat or sleep for days. Everything I knew had changed, our future together and my happiness was gone.
My mum was really worried about me, she really looked after me. (How amazing are mums I love her and I’m so grateful for her)

He broke up with me over the phone on the Monday and I didn’t contact again him at all, which was really hard and I kept stalking his whatsapp and Facebook to see if he was online. Then on the Saturday night he text me asking if I was okay. We spoke on the phone and he cried a lot and said how terrible he felt and how sorry he was. We ended up meeting the next day and decided to get back together but take things slow.

I won’t go into the details of why it happened because it’s personal for him, but lockdown really affected him badly, he was living alone and didn’t have any social contact for over a month. He was also working from home in a job he hated that really stressed him out. The day we broke up he had the worst day at work and his mental health was all over the place. It didn’t help that I was furloughed so I had nothing to do but miss him.
It’s so sad for me to look back on now as it was an awful time for both of us.

We’re still together now and doing really well, we’re even buying a house together. It took a long time for me to completely trust that he wouldn’t turn around and break up with me again though.

I really sympathise with everyone on this thread, it’s so sad reading all your stories and I know how you feel. Big hugs to everyone

 

[Imonlyme]

Thanks for your comments.. when he says wait forever he means for me to convert. Which I definitely dont want

Don't do anything that makes you uncomfortable. Never go against your own judgement and self for any man.

We need to

We need to try and get this house stuff sorted this week then that will be a big weight off our minds as it's been an ongoing job for months and months. But yes, I'm waiting for him to get in touch. We don't have anything like that at work as it's a small company but my boss is really good, I can pretty much come and go as I please. Sorry to hear you've had a tough morning as well.


He was very clear about his intentions when it first happened but I think I'm still trying to process the shock of it all. Also I mentioned earlier on in the thread that he seemed to have some sort of breakdown so it's not as simple as him just leaving, he really didn't seem right. I know it sounds like I'm making excuses and I'm in denial but it was scary to see him like that out of the blue. I thought that once he started therapy he would feel back to normal and we could talk about him coming home.

So, are you going to put your whole life on hold while he goes through therapy?

Depending on why he's attending therapy, he could be there for months, maybe even years. Normally when people go through a breakdown, they don't come out the other side the same person they were before and you have to prepare yourself for the fact that he might not want the life he had before.

Breakdown or not, he's left you and expected just to cut you off unless it suits him. That's extremely unfair not to mention cruel. It's completely one sided and selfish.

For your own sanity I think enough is enough. You've done what he asked and backed off and it's destroying you. Now you need to tell him that it's time to talk. You need to sit him down and ask him once and for all if he's coming back so that you know where you stand. If he says no he isn't coming back, then you at least have an answer and can finally move on and rebuild your life. If he refuses to talk to you about your relationship, then you still have your answer.

By waiting around for him you're adding to the hurt and pain you're already going through, which is doing you absolutely no good. You need your answer now as clear as day because the not knowing is crushing you.

You can get through this. But it's time to ask yourself the tough questions. Do you really want him back? And if the answer is yes, can you trust him not to hurt you like this again? Can you live with the uncertainty?

Please, for your own sake take back control of this situation.

 

[1001 others]

I just recently got dumped by my partner who I’ve been with for 4 years. Somebody on another thread gave me the idea of starting this one to vent and let it all out, and also invite anyone else to do the same if they’re going through a breakup, or just to share stories of older breakups and heartbreak.

My story: long distance relationship, him in Florida and me here in the UK. I’ve been flying over regularly for the past 4 years, I’m close with his family and practically a step mum to his 3 children. Love of my life etc...then the pandemic hit and borders closed. I haven’t been allowed into the US since March 2020, last time I saw him was just before that. I fully believe partner exemptions should have been allowed with testing and quarantine and I wouldn’t be in this mess but that’s another rant.

We held on and held on with FaceTime etc, then we decided I’d go via a third country (Mexico) and he would pay, but my flight was cancelled, and when I went to rebook it he completely unexpectedly told me not to bother and that he was done with our relationship. It hit me like a freight train, there’d been no signs this was coming at all. In fact he told me he loved me and missed me just hours before. I tried to reason with him and then he decided to block me on everything which was another huge blow. I feel like my world has ended, I haven’t eaten or slept since. My life was there with him and he’s taken it away and I don’t know what to do.

Sorry that was so long. Please feel free to share your stories and any advice for this absolute hell I feel right now

I am so sorry you are going through this. The passage of time is the only healer in all honesty. You need to look after yourself and appreciate, and find time and ways to enjoy in, the smallest things. Don't get back in the dating game for a while - give yourself time to grieve and heal.

I'm a great believer in things happening for a reason; you will look back in time and see that if this hadn't happened then it would have lead you to --- what's coming (and it will be magnificent).

For now though, self-care must take priority. I know it's hard - I've been through this too, and just wanted to curl up and die if I'm completely honest - but you will get through it. Engage in a new hobby (even just learning something new online), and if you need to talk, try to do it with a counselor or online telephone service dedicated to counseling ... try not to talk with your friends as - and again this is from personal experience - it will tarnish your relationship with them.

Much love to you. You WILL be okay, just know that.

Edited to add: One thing I did find helpful: Hypnotism. It's not for everyone, but I just could not get him out of my head and developed a very unhealthy habit of psychoanalysing everything I'd said and done while we were together that might have caused him to dump me. The hypnotism 'sort of' made me forget all about him. I still had feelings of sadness and felt like I'd been kicked to the curb quite literally, but it helped severe the blow. I suffered from a lot of childhood emotional trauma that tended to overflow at this time also - it's all tied into the fear of abandonment - so it felt very much like my world had come crashing in and I had nothing to live for. I also ended up changing everything I could - new city, new job, new haircut, new dress style - I reinvented myself which psychologically helped me move on from being the victim of something that was beyond my control.

The best thing I ever did was to learn to say “Ok... Your choice” and instantly remove myself from the situation. You could drive yourself crazy analysing and looking for reasons and answers.

Often after a break up you realise a lot wasn’t as good as thought.

Ain't that the truth?! Years later I realised that if we were still together I'd be married to Frank Spencer! (Not only did he bear a strong resemblance to this character, but also many, many traits)

My husband has left our home out of the blue. I'm beside myself. I don't know what to do. I don't really have any other family. I can't go to work. I can't sleep or eat. I am terrified of losing my home. We had planned the rest of our lives together. I can't bear him not being here, not holding his hand and hugging every day. It's all I've known for years and years. I don't think I can get through this.

Oh my goodness, that is just so hard to read. I can't imagine how you are feeling.

Please don't feel that you have nobody - plenty of people on here care about you.

If you are able to, perhaps ask if he is open to having a frank and open discussion with you about his reasons for leaving? It might be that whatever those reasons are, it is salvageable - but you will have to insist that you both work at things, and that includes him not leaving like that again.

x

 

[BettyCrockerr]

Your soo harsh, but your 1000% right . Just fu8king hurts soo much! 11 years invested & nothing to show for it!!

I’m not intending to be harsh so I’m sorry if it comes across like that! I’m just trying to be the voice of reason here which I think sometimes is desperately needed in situations like this where your own emotions tend to cloud what’s really going on. I know it hurts and I know it’s been a long time but look at it another way, at least now you’re not
Going To waste another 11 years of your life in him. You can’t change what’s happened but you can decide how YOU move on now with your own life.

 

[Platformcrocs]

Exactly. I had friends who once said a relationship I was in wasn't real because we didn't live together, share finances or have children with each other. It's very condescending not to mention rude.

It's amazing how many women think for it to be real you have to have a ring on your finger. Or you have to completely uproot your life to become a "we" If this couple chose to do long distance, then that's up to them. They did what worked for them and every couple is different. What works for one, may not work for another and that's fine. Doesn't make it any less real.

Just to add to this; every relationship is different and unique in it's own way. There isn't a one size fits all for it. As long as the love, trust and respect is there, then every couple has the right to decide their own terms and design their relationship how they see fit. No one has the right to then say it's not real just because theirs is different to how you would do it.

This is very well put. I've been with my partner for over 3 years and we don't live together/share finances/have kids. I'm too familiar with people side-eyeing and assuming something is wrong because we don't live together - but we own our own homes so it's not as easy as just moving in. Like you say, every relationship is unique and what works for you might not work for someone else.

 

[Clairer86]

Yeah see id be saying the exact same things to any of my female friends in these situations- the only difference is I’d be saying it over a few bottles of wine!!!!! I know it’s not what people want to hear - I fully get that but sometimes it’s what people need to hear to give them that jolt of reality.

My heartbreak was caused by a boy (i refuse to call him a man) who was a naraccistic cunt who fully exploited me and mentally abused me- all in the name of love blah blah. He was absolutely vile, and a total minger as well. Now i look back and think what the fuck did i see in him. And yet he treated me awful. Cheated on me with prostitutes, lied about everything, gave me an STD, fully took advantage of my mental health issues-BPD, Bipolar 2. He even tried to exploit me in becoming a prostiute, i didnt but i was close. He used to randomly 'split up' with me, block me, and then a couple of weeks later he would get back in touch. And i let him do it to me!! I let him do it and make so many excuses for him.
I tried to kill myself and ended up sectioned. Thankfully im still here. But something beautiful happened when i was in hospital. I got rid of my phone and couldnt contact him and he couldnt contact me. I got rid of social media as well. And i didnt even miss him. All i felt was a huge relief being lifted from my shoulders. Therefore i think i was 'obsessed' with the so called thrill of the toxic relationship. But i thought i loved him, and thought all the ups and downs was part of the romantic adventure. When really he was abusing me and exploiting me.
I havent seen him since and honestly i would just walk straight past him now and ignore him. I dont even hate him as that emotion is too close to love..I finally understand the phase "There is a thin line between love and hate".
I just wish i had someone like you, especially throughout the times when it was very on and off. But as i say, i wouldnt be very happy with you!! I would think you were being nasty and i would have said that you didnt understand him or know him the way i did.... But you are correct in everything you have said.

*EDIT TO ADD*

i am diagnosed as having BPD, and Bipolar 2. If people are not sure, but BPD causes us to get totally obsessed with things/people, we have a 'favourite person' that is the object of our obsessions, and we feel emotions much stronger than people who do not have BPD. That includes both good and negative emotions. The cunt who broke my heart was my 'favourite person', and i would have died for him at the time.
The best way to describe the emotions that i, along with other people with BPD is something that can make someone feel sad but they are able to go about their day. But for me, it feels like im going to die and i can see no way out, or life without someone. We are unable to really regulate our emotions and we are very extreme and can fluctuate from feeling on top of the world to feeling the worst heartbreak in the blink of an eye.
What im trying to say is if i was able to move forward and get over the cunt who broke my heart, there is hope for everyone else to move on and live a happy and fulfilling life.

 

[Lilliepad]

Found this thread by chance and can’t help but beam at how supportive it all is. For anyone going through heartbreak right now, remember that what’s for you will never miss you - and as painful as things may be in this present moment, better times are coming
Definitely look into getting pets if you have capacity - they keep you going as you’ve got another little life to live for. Keeping as busy as possible helps BUT you’re also allowed to feel your feelings and mourn as long as you don’t wallow in it for too long. My number one thing though would be to ignore all images of so called happy couples online. Not everything that glitters is gold and I know that especially over bank holidays people make out they’re having the time of their lives when they’re not and it often makes us feel shit. Deleteeee!

 

[LateG0ssiper]

I relate so so much to the out of the blue thing. It made me feel like I’d been hit by a train. No arguments or fights or tension whatsoever leading up to it, so I did not expect it even a little bit. In fact all I’d had from him were reassurances that the forced separation wouldn’t break us. And I trusted him.

I seem to be feeling worse as the days go by because I miss him more every day, not less. I’m wondering if and when that will change. I put on an extremely brave face in my everyday life but it’s all fake.

Sending all my love to everyone who has posted, as always. Feel free to check in

I'm the same, yesterday was another really bad day for me, one of the worst. I got so upset in work which I still find really embarrassing. I feel no better at all. I stayed in bed until almost 1pm today, don't think I've ever done that in my life! I'm watching TV with the curtains closed, I can't face going outside. I've turned the notifications off my phone because I don't want to talk about it anymore with anyone or force a conversation about anything else.

I hate the thought that he's trying to move on. I don't understand how he can be OK with not contacting me, it's been a week with no messages or anything and this is the longest we've ever gone with no contact. I'm worried sick about the house. I'm worried about everything. I can't start my life again after 13 years.

 

[Imonlyme]

This is very well put. I've been with my partner for over 3 years and we don't live together/share finances/have kids. I'm too familiar with people side-eyeing and assuming something is wrong because we don't live together - but we own our own homes so it's not as easy as just moving in. Like you say, every relationship is unique and what works for you might not work for someone else.

As long as a couple are happy and there's love and respect towards each other then I say do what works for you, not what society or anyone else thinks you should be doing. You're relationship should look how YOU want it to look.

But t


but The “love, trust & respect” isn’t there. That’s the point I’m making. In 4 years he’s been to see her in the UK once. She’s the one doing all the leg work and making the effort to go to him. To be part of his life. He’s not given her the same back. Yes there’s other things to consider like work & children etc but that doesn’t alter the fact that he’s not really made the effort. For how long was this arrangement going to carry on? Another 4 years? 8? 10?

The way he’s ended it shows no respect whatsoever towards her or to their relationship. If he genuinely loved or respected her would he have seriously just ended it like that? No.

I know loads of couples who started out long distance and you know what, after a time the relationship has to evolve to move forward. You make plans to be together, to share a life together. I think she’s doing herself a huge disservice to just view a few FaceTime calls or a few weeks holiday in Florida a year as a solid partnership.

I agree that the way he ended it wasn't very respectful or sympathetic to her. But I dont think anyone has the right to tell this woman that her relationship wasn't real.

Relationships do evolve over time, but there isn't a mould for how it's supposed to be or what it's supposed to look like. As I said, relationships aren't a one size fits all. And just because long distance isn't something you would do, doesn't mean it's wrong or that it means there's no love or respect in that particular relationship.

We are in 2021, there are so many options and choices for relationships now. A couple don't have to be married, living together, sharing bank accounts or children for it to be meaningful. People have the choice to choose what works for them. Even as I'm writing this I'm thinking about those couples decades ago that were separated by war, with their men spending years in another country fighting in battles. Their only communication at that time was the odd letter here and there. Were those relationships not real?

 

[Lollyy]

Been with ny partner 8 years he is muslim im not, i said i would try. About to sign tenancy agreement and hes left me. Absolutely heartbroken

 

[Columbo]

My ex decided to get in touch this morning to send condolences about my late sister as its the month she passed away and the build up to that day is always really difficult, he then proceeded to add how he has moved on and never wants to see me again, he wants nothing to do with me, never to contact him. I just don't understand. Why bother messaging me about my sister to appear actually the most decent he has came across in a very long time to then follow it up with telling me how he has moved on, surely to God you would just not bother?.. He clearly knows its a difficult month for me and I don't really need to wake up to fake condolences if its just so you can stick the boot in after about how you have moved on, want nothing to do with me etc. It is strange because I am just used to constant abuse from him, and him having moved on has given me a sense of freedom which I am not used to. Him sending me any form of message at all has really thrown me and I would love to see inside his brain for one day to see how it actually functions. What his game here? If he has moved on, great! I can finally live my life without having to pussy foot around anymore. Probably wants a reaction which I am fighting so hard to not give. ARGH

I'm sorry about your sister. This guy sounds a total narcasist. He knew that you'd be thinking about your late sister rather than him and just had to put himself smack bang at the forefront of your mind again then as soon as your focus shifted he hit you with "never contact me again" He wants to consume your thoughts so that you can't move on the way he has. Delete his number and never let him have that power over you again.
Ladies trust me when I tell you that you're so much better off without these emotionally constipated little boys.

 

[Lovethesun]

I went through a break up just as lockdown 1 started. 10 year relationship, he walked out. I send my love to you, at times I didn't know how I'd get through the day. I took 5 weeks off work (signed off by my lovely GP), she also gave me propranolol tablets to slow my stressed heart beat and so I could begin to eat and sleep a little bit without so much stress hormone flying around and she arranged for a referral to councelling. Our local councelling service don't accept you if you're fresh out of a break up so I ended up paying privately for a lady in the next village.... Best thing I could have done. I used to sit in her chair and cry for the hour whilst talking about all the things I didn't understand.... It helped soooo much while I was in the thick of it,it helps your mind process it and it helps having someone else's (professional) opinion. If you don't fancy counselling try journalling, write it all down.... Your brain just needs it to be written or spoken externally to process it properly

Beyond that my only advice is to try and do things that make you happy, pick up an old hobby, see a friend for a walk, buy your fave food. Try not to drink alcohol and watch for your pms getting much worse because of the stress hormones....

I actually moved in with my mum 100 miles away for 7 days straight after so don't worry about the lockdown rules.... Your MH is more important at this moment

I recommend 5htp supplements to aid sleep (as long as you can take it with other meds you might be on) . And GABA supplements for a sense of calm in the day.

And my last thoughts are time really does make you stronger xx

I will never ever understand men - how after 10 years they can just walk away . Mine did it to me after a year & half and it was bad enough . Male pride is a bastard !! And I also think men cannot & will not face up to things , they are cowards . Instead of just being honest & straight they leg it . If they fall out of love with you , fine just say at least it’s closure . All I got was some bullshit , need to be on my own crap . Some men are very heartless

 

[at-the-disco]

Tbh, i love how blunt you are.

I honestly wish i had someone like you when i was going through my heartbreak.
At the time i wouldnt have liked it as i was too wrapped up in heartbreak and hoping, but everything you have said is spot on.

i think this is why some people find it hard to take advice, because they are seeing their partner through a different lens. i've completely been there

it really breaks my heart how some men treat women and the light that they had in their eyes gets burnt out. cringe but true.
sometimes when everyone else is telling you something, or can see things that you can't see then maybe what they're saying is true, as much as you dont want to believe it

(damn i need to take my own advice )
i completely lost myself in my last relationship and break up 5 months ago, but i'm slowly going back to being happy. i started off blaming myself and thinking i'd done something terribly wrong and that i was unlovable, but i realised that it's not true at all

 

[Imonlyme]

Thank you for your opinion.. i thought the same, why unblock me if its still over & yes agree if he wanted me back he would get in contact. Maybe he has just calmed down from the initial angry & maybe will msg wen hes ready? I wont be messaging first

I obviously don't know your circumstances, but in my opinion, if a man wants you then you'll know about it without a doubt. A man that loves you won't hurt you, leave you without explanation or harshly cut you out of his life. If he loves you he won't leave you feeling confused about how he feels about you or where your relationship is going.

Never spend more of your day worrying about him and what he's going through than you do taking care of yourself, especially if he left you abruptly and with no cause or explanation.

If he loved you and needed some time and space to work through some stuff of his own, then he would talk to you about it and be open and honest first. If he doesn't and just dumps you and cuts you off, then he's only thinking about himself and by that standard, you should do the same.

This sounds bad and I'm aware that not all guys are the same, but some men do get a kick out of watching you chase them. They like having someone that they can pick up and drop whenever they want. They like to know that you fall apart without them. But these men will never truly love you, and be honest, is that the kind of man you want to spend your life with?

My whole life I always had lots of guy friends and they would always say that genuine guys love to do the chasing, they like a challenge of a woman that plays a little hard to get. They like a woman who isn't always readily available the moment they text or want to see them. That they love when women have their own lives and hobbies aside from their partners.

My ex was an utter arsehole, but one thing he said he always admired about me was that I never needed him. I was never emotionally or otherwise dependent on him. He actually said quite a few times, even after we had finally broken up for good that I always did better in life when he wasn't around. That didn't mean it didn't hurt whenever he would walk out on me. Of course it did. I just never text or contacted him and I got on with my life and tried to build one that didn't include him. I cried of course, but I only allowed myself a few minutes everyday to wallow in my pain and then I got on with the rest of my day.

Eventually, I didn't need those few minutes and whenever he would pop into my mind making me feel sad, I would think of my favourite up beat song and sing it to myself in my head. It works to momentarily distract yourself to stop the train of thoughts about him that only lead to sadness.

This sounds so cliche, but us women deserve better than men who can't even make up their minds whether they want us or not. We deserve better than to be spending our days crying and feeling like shit. We're more than just some guys emotional play thing. If he can't treat you right and with the respect you deserve, then he doesn't deserve you. There's plenty of men out there that will treat you right and love you unconditionally, don't waste your emotions on one that doesn't care whether he hurts you or not.