Heartbreak.

[BettyCrockerr]

Thank you Number deleted, WhatsApp thread gone, he was already blocked on fb (to stop me stalking!) and I don’t have instagram... I KNOW full well he’ll regret this. Hopefully by the time he sends that, ‘I don’t know what I was thinking’ text, I’ll have moved on and won’t be sucked in. Sad though as he had the best body I’ve ever seen in real life and before this week it was the happiest I’ve been. Oh well. Can’t force him to try long distance. Hope he enjoys living in an incestuous puddle

A hot body will never make up for someone treating you like shit. I promise. You are worth more than that. Don’t waste time on someone like this, or you will miss out on the really good guy in doing so.

 

[Barbie2020]

I got cheated on after a 3 year relationship. Looking back it was a bad relationship, we fought constantly but it was all I knew. He went out for the day with the girl he was seeing literally the day after he dumped me and put it on fb. He knew my parents (they didn’t like him ) I was quite close to his mum and he was just really cruel to do it how he did. Went back and forth for about a year after he came crawling back and I was stupid enough to go back there. He ruined me for a good couple of years, I lost my confidence and just felt so sad.

I look back now and think wtf was I doing with him? I’ve seen him out and about and I just think what a loser I’m in a happy relationship now, about to get married but I was also happy on my own for a year and focused on myself first.

What I’m trying to say is time is a great healer and whenever you go to them dark places, just remind yourself that you will eventually be in a better place and you will find someone worth being with in the end. Thinking of you cos heartbreak is truly awful

 

[Eyerollbrainache]

They were involved for 4 YEARS and he came to see her in the UK on 1 occasion. Once. In 4 years. If they were really serious, one of them would have moved to be with the other. They would have set up a life TOGETHER in the same place.

COVID is just a very convenient excuse here. If he genuinely loved her & genuinely wanted to be with her, build a life with her - he would have done.

I can tell you this for nothing. When it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be. You would move mountains to be with the one you love. It’s as simple as that. And the fact that he’s ditched her in that way, with no hesitation, well, the guy is an arsehole.

Im on her side, this isn’t a dig at her at all, but sometimes you’ve got to just wake up and see what’s actually happening - not what you wish was happening.

I'm not really sure why you've commented? It's incredibly rude and you can say 'this isn't a dig' all you want but it clearly is. Your message is insensitive at so many points. You haven't said anything positive, helpful or constructive.

GiGi - don't pay any attention to those comments. Your feelings, heartbreak and relationship is valid.

 

[ThreeSteaksPam]

@holliebollie I wouldn’t ask him if he’s been in contact with someone. Although @BettyCrocker is absolutely right, that’s more than likely the reason he’s gone weird, he’ll only gaslight you and make you feel like a psycho for asking. Men are experts at making women feel crazy for confronting them about something they absolutely are doing and I’m speaking from experience

You know in your gut when something is wrong and don’t let him pull the “I’m feeling shit about this week” nonsense either.. gaslighting again. You know his behaviour is off, he knows his behaviour is off, but rather than tell the truth, he’ll have you blaming yourself and wishing you’d never said anything.

I would cut and run if I were you. Don’t text him or call him and see if he gets in touch with you first. If he doesn’t, you know where you stand and you’ve had a lucky escape.

 

[Imonlyme]

We arent in contact at the moment, i turned up to his house, albeit waited in the car and he just went crazy at me and blocked me, i said to myself i wont talk to him now until his stance changes & he will i assume contact me. Its been 17 days, he unblocked me after 1 week.. i have no doubt he loves me. But it hurts when the relationship was perfect apart from this.

If he can just block you like that and go crazy at you the way he did, was it really that perfect?

Often we think things are good in our relationships and it isn't until we are out of it that we see that the cracks were there all along. We just didn't see them.

My ex used to walk out every few months, it felt out of the blue for me because there would be no row, no moods, nothing. In fact, the day before he would be overly affectionate with me then just boom, he was gone. It hurt like a bitch and would have me spinning wondering what the hell happened. But now, years later and now I'm completely detached from it I can see that things weren't okay before he would leave.

The signs were there all along I was just too busy living to notice them. Whenever he walked out I wouldn't hear from him for about a week, maybe 2. I would be blocked on everything. Then in true form, it became a pattern that he would contact me. One day I would notice I wasn't blocked on WhatsApp anymore, but there would be no message. Then a few days later he would message. Once he even asked if I would drop his stuff off at his brother's house, I did, mostly because I wanted it gone from my house. I drove for miles, handed his stuff over and he went crazy at me. I was so upset and ended up in a full blown panic attack and nothing is worth that.

My advice to you is to completely cut off contact for your own sanity and emotions. Don't go to his house, don't be eager to see him or take his calls if he contacts you, no matter how much you want to. If he wants you, he will make it clear and do the chasing. I know your situation is difficult because of his faith, but at the end of the day, do you want to be second to something he's doing out of fear and to please others?

 

[LaurieLaurie]

Anyone who can just stop contact and block you doesn’t deserve one word. Don’t give them the satisfaction.

 

[yellowmellow]

I just randomly saw this thread and was reading through and one of the posts really summed up how I feel about a certain relationship, I think the words were never being able to get over the feeling of your heart being shattered into a million pieces. So I hope you don't mind if get it off my chest here as I've never really talked about it!

Once upon a time, I met a guy at work and I didn’t know much about him but for some reason, I was absolutely infatuated with him! We started casually seeing each other but he would often disappear for hours on an evening and completely go off the radar, phone off etc and eventually he admitted he was meeting a “friend” who had a lot of issues and he was trying to help as she had no one else looking out for her. Me being me I trusted him and even gave advice on how to help her etc. After a short time, I questioned him more on who she was and he admitted she was his ex-girlfriend but promised nothing was still going on with her and again I trusted him, I think partly because I had no reason not to and I was also wearing a very large pair of rose-tinted glasses. Eventually, he said he was going to cut all contact with her as it was for the best and we were getting more serious and she was coming between me and him and he didn't want that. Then came THE weekend. I saw him on the Friday at work and the last thing he said was he going to meet her that evening and tell her he couldn't see her anymore and cut contact with her and he would call me after. 8pm, 9pm, 10pm came around and I heard nothing. After 11pm I text him saying I was worried. He had told me that when he previously tried to stop seeing her she threatened to harm herself or him, which added to my worry. The message didn't deliver but I sent another. After midnight, I called him. It rang but no answer so again I sent another message. I eventually slept and when I woke I could see he had read my messages but not replied. I tried calling but it went straight to answer phone. I sent another message but it didn't deliver for hours. I spent all day watching my phone, I couldn't think about anything, I couldn't eat, I couldn't hold a conversation with anyone, I was going out of my mind and my heart was slowly breaking. He eventually sent me a message at about 5pm - "Sorry. I am a twat". That was it. That was the moment my heart shattered and all the pennies finally dropped about what was really going on. Of course, I replied. I sent him essays. I was left on read the rest of the weekend. I finally spoke to him on Monday morning before work. All he could say to me was he was sorry, he was an idiot. This is what he does. His life is complicated, he needs to go and he would speak to me later. I felt broken. I pulled up at work and just cried. The thought of seeing him and not being "us" anymore was making me feel ill. Of course, we did see each other. We met up at lunch and talked. Of course, the 'friend/ex' was actually his girlfriend. They had been together on and off for years. He had left his wife for her. He told me he did truly fall for me, he couldn't help himself and he does love me but it was all very complicated, he didn't know what to do but ultimately he couldn't end it with his girlfriend. We tried to remain friends, it was difficult, as much as he had shattered me, there were still feelings there and I was weak for him... I went through phases of not wanting to see him or speak to him at all to pining for him then things would happen and eventually we ended up sleeping together again, then he told me he really was finishing with his girlfriend. Sounds pathetic but it gave me a glimmer of hope. I thought we were going to have a chance again. He told me he had ended it but he was going on holiday with some family and changing his number so the ex couldn't contact him and he would see me and talk about us when he was back. He came back to work after 2 weeks away and I found out he had been on holiday with and was back together with his wife. Ding ding heartbreak round 2. Cut to now years later. We still both work at the same place, we see each other around and are friendly. He is still with his wife and I am happily engaged with children but it still hurts. I don't think I will EVER get over how he made me feel that weekend. I was never even officially his girlfriend and that is the worst heartbreak I have ever felt.

Sorry if that was a really boring story but I just feel better for writing it down! Sending love to everyone who has posted their stories on here xxx

 

[EmaE]

Someone who could be so cruel is not someone to be with no matter what lead you to that point , we all get the people change , things change , not everyone likes confrontation or can explain what’s going on in there heads , but to treat another human ( who you loved at one point ) with so little regard is just awful , everyone argues and says heat of the moment things but to carry on ignoring someone for days and weeks , it’s not a on ! It’s down right cruel and emotionally abusive

 

[gigi_93]

In that case it could well be just stress and no women are involved, just the way he cut you off like that was strange and very ubrupt seeming. It's quite likely he'll come running back in a relationship sense at some point, especially if one of his children keep asking about you and the more time he has without you and to think he may regret how he went about things. I feel for you as he lives very far away so you must probably still be worrying and wondering what he's upto. I think he's been quite selfish about this and to give you no real answers but still is video calling you like nothing happened and speaking a lot to you is probably confusing you isn't it? Perhaps deep down he regrets the way he acted but because the lockdown's still going on and all the stress he's under with it he hasn't spoke much on it yet. I definitely wouldn't keep your life on hold though for him after behaving like that after 4 years.

He isn’t speaking to me now, he’s ghosted me. Apparently me asking for answers was too much for him. The abruptness is definitely strange, usually there are signs before a breakup happens. I feel like I want him to crawl back but I know that’s just because it’s raw at the moment. :/ thank you for your responses

Sorry to hear you're going through such a horrendous time. How recent was it? It might be that his actions are a knee jerk reaction to the stress of something going in his end and once he calms down he'll see the error of his ways and get back in touch. Especially as he told you just hours before he loved and missed you. I don't see there being someone else as we're all in quarrantine. The abruptness of it tells me it isn't anything you did but something his end has made him snap.

He dumped me just over 2 weeks ago, but we were talking a little back and forth until he blocked me 2 days ago. I’m really hoping he comes back, if only to explain his actions, but he’s very stubborn. He isn’t in quarantine as he’s in Florida where they have no restrictions, though he has to be careful because of work and the kids

 

[Imonlyme]

No I appreciate that but it’s just such a bloody shame sometimes reading the posts on here, women literally waiting around for the scraps off the table from men who have dropped them in a heartbeat and who are showing no signs of giving a damn.
you are worth more than that yknow?
you said your ex has said he wants to talk to you over the weekend? How is that fair? He knows how you feel, knows you are desperate for answers from him so he decides to call the shots and he dictates when he’s going to speak to you...and leaves you in limbo for days on end agonising over what he’s going to say. It’s not fair. Fuck that. He’s got something to say? Say it. As an outsider looking in, it’s just all bullshit - he’s using the emotional hold he has over you as a form of control. I’m sorry if sometimes I come off as harsh but it just angers me that guys behave like total arsewipes and so many of us just take it.

I totally get where you're coming from. I get really angry too when I hear or see men treating women this way.

It isn't until you're completely out of the relationship and healed that you truly see the utter shit you put up with, and you're left wondering why the hell you accepted it and stuck around so long waiting helplessly for any little crumb the tool dares to offer.

Absolutely no man is worth losing yourself over. No man is worth your tears. If you need to cry then by all means cry, but cry for yourself. Cry for the woman who got her heart broken, don't cry over losing a guy who didn't care about losing you.

 

[gigi_93]

It was my choice to have him not come here. It’s not like he didn’t offer but I’d rather go there. The kids are there, my stuff is there, and it’s Florida! Drab boring north west England in my tiny house or sunny Florida in his big apartment. Was not a hard choice to make for me.

When my ex split with me he blocked me, didn’t give any real reason and wouldn’t talk to me. I was devastated. Turned out he had a bit of attention off other girls and was bored with me. I slowly started to get past it and just start to get myself in a place where I was eating and looking after myself. He had my sister on fb and as soon as he saw I was going out and having a nice time again bam he unblocked me and stared saying how he’d been struggling without me.

I fell for it, decided I still really loved him and would do anything to see him again and the games started up again for months. He was basically sleeping with me but didn’t want to officially get back together as he wanted to “take it slow”. Soon found out there was other girls involved and I was heartbroken again.

After quite a long time of being officially single I started seeing my current bf. And guess what? Ex wanted to get back with me then as he realised he didn’t want to lose me

My point is that most of the time they don’t want to be with you but they don’t want you to be happy with anyone else. As heartbroken and as much as you want to talk to them, carry on with no contact, I can guarantee it will save you further heartache down the line rather than placing so much hope on a message here and there. I wish I’d saved myself more pain.

I feel like this is how men behave 90% of the time in breakups. I don’t understand the attitude of not wanting to be with someone but also not wanting them to be with anyone else?!

 

[hypoharpy]

Hope everyone who is going through a break up is doing okay. I've been through a lot of bad things in my life but I came through them and so will you. I've been heartbroken and cried an ocean but my tears dried and so will yours. Try something new, even if it's a new haircut ( when you can have them). Social media was not around when this was happening for me and I'm grateful for that. My advice is to not contact the person, block them on everything and resist the temptation of peeking . If they've ended the relationship they may be further ahead of you and ready for another relationship. If that happens, let it go. Things will get better and I'm sending you all a massive hug xx

 

[Jovie]

Wow I can relate to so many of you on here. I am not heartbroken now but I remember so well how I felt & sometimes it still affects me.

In regards to 'moving on' I found that term so hard. I shuddered when people said it and put a defence up and would try to shrug it off.
What Is it about that simple phrase that affects us so much? Probably how we perceive it.

Looking back I realised maybe 3 or 4 months into the breakup that I was partly to blame. I know we blame ourselves for break ups and people say 'no don't blame yourself he is the idiot' but he is entitled to leave when he isn't happy. And the same would be said for me.
I was very dependant on him. I had a driving license but was too scared to then purchase a car and put my new skill to good use. This meant he did all the driving. Picking me up, taking me home. (We didn't live together at this point) I would prefer to be with my family than his- I loved his family like I loved my own but preferred to be with mine, I used to hate going on nights out with our group of friends and would just prefer to be with him.. I could go on!!
Honestly, I really held him back from doing so much. I had very little confidence because I put him on a pedestal so high that I thought I wasn't worthy of being with him.
After we broke up & I had realised all this, I went out and bought a car, bought lots of new clothes and dyed my hair.
Don't get me wrong I was still heartbroken but I knew that I had reinvented myself and was honest with myself. He will either come back or he won't and that's fine because I was happy with how I was.
I did meet someone else and we moved in together. This new person was horrendous with money & had so many creditcards and I became the person who sorted out all the finances, drove us both everywhere & wanted the social life. This lasted 2 years and that's when my ex got back in contact (I posted about that on the few first pages of this thread) And we got back together- we had grown up, matured and aren't dependant on each other. I'm in no way saying this is what everyone is doing but sometimes you just have to be honest with yourself and ask yourself if things could of been better, were there some things you weren't happy with etc

You will all be absolutely fine it's just getting through it. Your feelings are very much valid but there comes a point where you have to make the changes for yourself.

 

[gigi_93]

Wish we could all get together for a bitch in someone’s garden! Imagine

Just been catching up. I definitely don’t think it’s always another woman. I can’t decide if that would have been better or worse in my own situation. I guess if that happens then at least it offers some sort of instant closure? I wouldn’t have been hanging around waiting for his texts after that. I really loathe men (and women) who string their partners along while they set themselves up with someone else

 

[hello479]

Had a much better sleep last night thankfully - I always wake up feeling really sad but I’m also trying to see the positive in me being able to have a decent amount of sleep. I think today I am going to try and sort some bits out in the house, pack his remaining things into boxes and try and make the house feel a bit more like my own ie not pictures of us together all over the place also going to temporarily deactivate my Facebook and Instagram as all I’m seeing is happy families hope everyone has a peaceful Sunday morning

 

[BettyCrockerr]

Can anyone offer some advice did no contact for 5 weeks.. i ignored 3 of his calls, he messaged saying we have stuff to clear up can we speak. I agreed to speak & he was crying down the phone saying hes struggling, he misses me, its soo hard, how am i so strong (he left me) i had to in the end cut the conversation because i felt like he didnt want me back just wanted to cry. There was nothing to clear up. & he said sorry for calling i wont phone again. Is there still hope for me? just crying today, feel like i want to msg him. Any advice?

Don’t message him. He was just wanting an ear to listen to his shite. Ignore it. Put your phone away and go out, get some fresh air, go stretch your legs.

 

[ThreeSteaksPam]

He’s slept with this woman 3 times and from that, she’s publicly declaring she’s in love with him on Instagram AND she’s told all her friends about him? Either she’s a Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction type of character or he’s massively downplaying what’s actually been happening and for how long. This doesn’t add up.

 

[Lollyy]

So it’s never going to happen then. So you need to just draw a line under it, cease all contact with him and move on with your own life. Xxx

Your soo harsh, but your 1000% right . Just fu8king hurts soo much! 11 years invested & nothing to show for it!!

 

[Imonlyme]

Does anyone recently going through heartbreak feel anxious over summer or is it just me. Like the thought of not being with the person you love when everything opens up hurts so much

I understand that. My ex used to walk out on me every few months. For 5 years of our 6 year relationship, I was single through the summer. It's crushing to go to bars and restaurants and see everyone coupled up and you're just alone.

Looking back though, I realise how much time and how many opportunities I wasted over him when I could have been living for me. I literally wasted some of the hottest summers we've had crying over a man that didn't even have the decency to be honest with me. I was wasting my summer thinking about him while he was getting on with his life and doing what he wanted with absolutely no regard for my feelings.

I know it hurts now, but don't waste your summer over a guy. Live your life for you and find your true happiness and when you're ready, you'll meet a man who's worthy of your attention and your heart

 

[Reverend]

I broke up with my partner last week, neither of us really wanted it I don’t think but he had reasons. I haven’t slept, haven’t got out of bed and I’ve hardly ate at all since then. I’m totally heartbroken but now he wants to meet me tomorrow and I’m hopeful that it will be good news but trying not to get my hopes up.

apologies for the grammar, I keep rewording and it still reads terribly!

Big hugs. Don't let him make you into a yoyo while he tries to decide what he wants.