Heartbreak.

[HitchhikingGhost]

Slightly off topic but what do you think about people who's partner openly knows about their affairs but they stay together? This is my parents situations and I just can't work it out. Do you think it's ignorance is bliss? They never showed any problems growing up e.g fights/arguments etc

 

[CrazyGiraffeLady]

Sorry to hear that. But glad you trusted your gut instinct, it's there for a reason.

The fact that you found out and it wasn't his guilty conscience that forced him to confess makes me wonder just how long he would have kept the affair going if you hadn't.

I'm sorry to say this but most often in any relationship when trust has been broken in such a way as this, it can be extremely hard to get it back. Make sure you're trying to make it work for the right reasons and not just because you're married and feel like it’s your duty to try and make it work.

Can I ask how this cheating has affected your trust of him? Are you constantly looking out for signs of infidelity again? Are you constantly questioning him, or feeling paranoid? Have you checked his phone since? Has the affair been brought up in any rows or arguments?

And most importantly, how has he treated you since he was found out?

I’ve said this to him, it was me finding out instead of him coming clean, I don’t trust him at all, our baby did put his phone in our dogs water bowl so he hasn’t had a phone for about 2/3 weeks now however we are upgrading this week I can log into his social media’s anytime but that doesn’t mean anything to me personally. He has made more of an effort, we haven’t had rows tbh I’m to angry and hurt to scream and shout but he does know when to leave me alone for a bit x

If you hadn’t checked his phone, he would have carried on. It wasn’t a drunken fumble or one off mistake, it was deliberate infidelity and deceit. You’ve taken him back and honestly, if he’s done it once and you’ve essentially forgiven him and taken him back he will do it to you again.

I have thought this a few times however I have made it very clear I will leave and take the kids with me if it happens again x

 

[Scorpihoe]

@CrazyGiraffeLady im sorry to hear about what you’ve gone through Did he ever display any signs of infidelity in the past? Anything that sort of caused you to suspect him and check his phone?

did he ever explain to the other woman that he’s cutting it off or just ignore her completely? What pictures did you find?

it sounds like he deleted the pictures to be purposefully deceitful and worried you would find them. I really hope you’re okay
I do believe people can change, I’m not sure about people who cheat but it’s not impossible, if you wanted to work at your relationship xx

 

[BettyCrockerr]

I’ve said this to him, it was me finding out instead of him coming clean, I don’t trust him at all, our baby did put his phone in our dogs water bowl so he hasn’t had a phone for about 2/3 weeks now however we are upgrading this week I can log into his social media’s anytime but that doesn’t mean anything to me personally. He has made more of an effort, we haven’t had rows tbh I’m to angry and hurt to scream and shout but he does know when to leave me alone for a bit x


I have thought this a few times however I have made it very clear I will leave and take the kids with me if it happens again x

But why wait for him to do it again? Is once not enough? He would still be happily sleeping with another woman now - today - if yo hadn’t called him out, that’s enough isnt it? I dunno. I just couldn’t even look at him again if it was me. Also - get him to get a full sexual health check up before you let him near you again, you don’t need him giving you an STD ontop of everything else

 

[Jmx]

@CrazyGiraffeLady
I do believe people can change, I’m not sure about people who cheat but it’s not impossible, if you wanted to work at your relationship xx

Hey I just wanted to add my 2 cents on this part. I know how terrible it is but I have cheated in the past and I know for sure that I would never do it again. I think that’s why when my current partner cheated on me at the beginning of last year I managed to get over it, because I have faith that he’s being truthful when he says he won’t do it again.

 

[CrazyGiraffeLady]

@CrazyGiraffeLady im sorry to hear about what you’ve gone through Did he ever display any signs of infidelity in the past? Anything that sort of caused you to suspect him and check his phone?

did he ever explain to the other woman that he’s cutting it off or just ignore her completely? What pictures did you find?

it sounds like he deleted the pictures to be purposefully deceitful and worried you would find them. I really hope you’re okay
I do believe people can change, I’m not sure about people who cheat but it’s not impossible, if you wanted to work at your relationship xx

He never ever displayed any signs, I’ve been cheated on in every relationship I’ve had so I’ve always been slightly paranoid, the pictures weren’t that bad they weren’t nudes or anything. He blocked her on everything in front of me however I’d already commented on her Insta . I didn’t think people could change but I’m hoping he will. I feel a bit stupid like I don’t give second chances ever and here I am trying to save a marriage when he so blatantly didn’t give a tit xxx

Hey I just wanted to add my 2 cents on this part. I know how terrible it is but I have cheated in the past and I know for sure that I would never do it again. I think that’s why when my current partner cheated on me at the beginning of last year I managed to get over it, because I have faith that he’s being truthful when he says he won’t do it again.

I really needed to see that today, thank you

But why wait for him to do it again? Is once not enough? He would still be happily sleeping with another woman now - today - if yo hadn’t called him out, that’s enough isnt it? I dunno. I just couldn’t even look at him again if it was me. Also - get him to get a full sexual health check up before you let him near you again, you don’t need him giving you an STD ontop of everything else

I made him get an std check, I’m not necessarily waiting for him to do it again, I‘be told him I won’t put up with it, I do understand what you’re saying though and I can see how I must look stupid for it, it’s hard when you love them x

 

[Scorpihoe]

He never ever displayed any signs, I’ve been cheated on in every relationship I’ve had so I’ve always been slightly paranoid, the pictures weren’t that bad they weren’t nudes or anything. He blocked her on everything in front of me however I’d already commented on her Insta . I didn’t think people could change but I’m hoping he will. I feel a bit stupid like I don’t give second chances ever and here I am trying to save a marriage when he so blatantly didn’t give a tit xxx


I really needed to see that today, thank you


I made him get an std check, I’m not necessarily waiting for him to do it again, I‘be told him I won’t put up with it, I do understand what you’re saying though and I can see how I must look stupid for it, it’s hard when you love them x

you commented on her insta? What did you say?
I’m glad you made him get an STD check!

That’s a good sign that he was willing to do that. I can really sympathise, I know how hard it is. On one hand you think about what he did, but on the other you can’t associate his actions to someone you love because it’s so out of character. I hope it all works out for you and he changes for good xx

 

[CrazyGiraffeLady]

you commented on her insta? What did you say?
I’m glad you made him get an STD check!

That’s a good sign that he was willing to do that. I can really sympathise, I know how hard it is. On one hand you think about what he did, but on the other you can’t associate his actions to someone you love because it’s so out of character. I hope it all works out for you and he changes for good xx

It was a generic don’t wait until the weekend picture but she said she’d already fallen in love with him as the caption so I commented “shame he’s a married man” and blocked her so she couldn’t delete my comment once she realised I knew she sent me inboxes on fb but then deleted them she knew he was married she was on my Instagram, she’s a slag and he is the male equivalent. I hope things get better though xxx

 

[BettyCrockerr]

It was a generic don’t wait until the weekend picture but she said she’d already fallen in love with him as the caption so I commented “shame he’s a married man” and blocked her so she couldn’t delete my comment once she realised I knew she sent me inboxes on fb but then deleted them she knew he was married she was on my Instagram, she’s a slag and he is the male equivalent. I hope things get better though xxx

She was connected to you on Instagram? So she’s someone you knew?? I’m I reading that right?!

 

[Scorpihoe]

It was a generic don’t wait until the weekend picture but she said she’d already fallen in love with him as the caption so I commented “shame he’s a married man” and blocked her so she couldn’t delete my comment once she realised I knew she sent me inboxes on fb but then deleted them she knew he was married she was on my Instagram, she’s a slag and he is the male equivalent. I hope things get better though xxx

she openly admitted loving him in an Instagram caption...knowing you’re on her Instagram?

Usually I’m so careful to not blame the women in this scenario because, as sad as it sounds, they don’t owe you loyalty (only your husband does)...but wow wtf!!?

 

[Tinkerbell cat]

It was a generic don’t wait until the weekend picture but she said she’d already fallen in love with him as the caption so I commented “shame he’s a married man” and blocked her so she couldn’t delete my comment once she realised I knew she sent me inboxes on fb but then deleted them she knew he was married she was on my Instagram, she’s a slag and he is the male equivalent. I hope things get better though xxx

What did her messages say on facebook? You are a better person than me, I would have likely commented on every picture she had. Big hugs x

 

[CrazyGiraffeLady]

She was connected to you on Instagram? So she’s someone you knew?? I’m I reading that right?!

Yeah x

What did her messages say on facebook? You are a better person than me, I would have likely commented on every picture she had. Big hugs x

She sent me messages then deleted them so I got the notification but it just said “name” unsent a message, I was fair though I commented on his Instagram then blocked him too so neither could remove comments . Thank you xx

she openly admitted loving him in an Instagram caption...knowing you’re on her Instagram?

Usually I’m so careful to not blame the women in this scenario because, as sad as it sounds, they don’t owe you loyalty (only your husband does)...but wow wtf!!?

She didn’t name him but all her friends knew it was about him, yeah she always used to like the pictures of my little one x

 

[EmaE]

Slightly off topic but what do you think about people who's partner openly knows about their affairs but they stay together? This is my parents situations and I just can't work it out. Do you think it's ignorance is bliss? They never showed any problems growing up e.g fights/arguments etc

Could be a number of reasons , someone I know, husband has sexual relationships with other woman with her blessing as she is unable to have sex , it’s not always clear cut

 

[Scorpihoe]

Yeah x


She sent me messages then deleted them so I got the notification but it just said “name” unsent a message, I was fair though I commented on his Instagram then blocked him too so neither could remove comments . Thank you xx


She didn’t name him but all her friends knew it was about him, yeah she always used to like the pictures of my little one x

I find it really sad that all her friends knew it was about him and knew he was married but didn’t think to tell you :/ I really really hope he doesn’t contact her anymore, she sounds really awful rubbing it in your face like that

 

[ThreeSteaksPam]

He’s slept with this woman 3 times and from that, she’s publicly declaring she’s in love with him on Instagram AND she’s told all her friends about him? Either she’s a Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction type of character or he’s massively downplaying what’s actually been happening and for how long. This doesn’t add up.

 

[BettyCrockerr]

He’s slept with this woman 3 times and from that, she’s publicly declaring she’s in love with him on Instagram AND she’s told all her friends about him? Either she’s a Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction type of character or he’s massively downplaying what’s actually been happening and for how long. This doesn’t add up.

Yeahhhh I think exactly the same.....
Sorry but I think this has been going on for far longer than he’s telling you and if hes saying he’s only had sex with her 3 times, I think he’s lying out of his arse

 

[Scorpihoe]

He’s slept with this woman 3 times and from that, she’s publicly declaring she’s in love with him on Instagram AND she’s told all her friends about him? Either she’s a Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction type of character or he’s massively downplaying what’s actually been happening and for how long. This doesn’t add up.

she sounds a bit unhinged tbh, who openly admits they love someone on an Instagram caption for all their friends/family/wife of their sex buddy to see?!

And then likes the pics of their child???

also your husband isn’t any better, he should have told her to remove that picture and caption ASAP because it could really upset and hurt you

 

[CrazyGiraffeLady]

Yeahhhh I think exactly the same.....
Sorry but I think this has been going on for far longer than he’s telling you and if hes saying he’s only had sex with her 3 times, I think he’s lying out of his arse

I can see how it looks like that but he didn’t sleep with her till January x

she sounds a bit unhinged tbh, who openly admits they love someone on an Instagram caption for all their friends/family/wife of their sex buddy to see?!

And then likes the pics of their child???

also your husband isn’t any better, he should have told her to remove that picture and caption ASAP because it could really upset and hurt you

They’re both as bad as each other I agree x

 

[Imonlyme]

Slightly off topic but what do you think about people who's partner openly knows about their affairs but they stay together? This is my parents situations and I just can't work it out. Do you think it's ignorance is bliss? They never showed any problems growing up e.g fights/arguments etc

No, I think it's a case of one of them has serious self-esteem issues and possibly thinks they need the cheater in their lives. Also could be someone in the relationship being very controlling and domineering. I'm sorry but there's a severe lack of respect within that kind of relationship.

 

[CrazyGiraffeLady]

Found the Insta pic