I really hope you work out what's truly best for you and I'm sending you lots of love right now
But just to say, and I'm not suggesting this would be the case for you. But my parents were married for 50 years, met when they were 15 & 16. My Mum was married at 16 and pregnant not long after. From what I've been told, my Dad wasn't the best to her and he cheated with someone my Mum considered a sort of friend, as in they lived in the same street.
Anyway, the other woman was also married and had children. My Mum found out about the affair, went nuts and that was then end of it. She forgave him and took him back.
Fast forward a few years and he done it again, with the same woman while my Mum was pregnant with my older sister. Again, she found out and put a stop to it, took him back and within a short time the woman and her family moved to the other side of the country.
Fast forward a good few years when everything was supposedly hunky dory, even though my parents argued constantly and my Dad would disappear for days on end. One day when I was about 6 or 7, I remember sitting at the top of the stairs while my Mum was on the phone crying her heart out. Turns out the family had moved back and my Dad was at it again with that very same woman. The person on the phone was the woman's husband informing my Mum of how he had caught them out. He left his wife and advised my Mum to do the same Saying she deserved better.
At that point my parents sort of split up but were still effectively seeing each other but just living apart. My mother even moved us out of our house into a dingy flat, uprooting our entire lives just to be closer to where my Dad now lived.
Well, I spent my teenage years watching my Dad walk home from the pub with different woman after different woman on his arms. I would physically see him with them in the street while I was out with friends. Which was completely embarrassing. Of course, when my Mum found out she went bat
tit crazy and beat hell out of the woman, which I didn't condone.
Again, she forgave him and again, just a few years later my Dad was caught out taking his original mistress on holiday with all of my parents circle of friends. When my Mum found out she again, chased him to the holiday spot and put a stop to it. And to my knowledge, I think that was the last time he cheated. But a few years later it came out that one of the mistresses children was actually my Dad's. There's no solid proof, but there is plenty of evidence and he actually does look like a few of my family members.
My point is that my Dad cheated and my mum forgave him time after time. She set the tone for what she was willing to accept because she thought she needed him and she thought she could never be with someone else. So it effectively gave my Dad the green light to do what he wanted because he knew all he had to do was say sorry, take a step back for a while until the chaos settled and then he was free to do what he wanted again.
Fast forward to now and my Mum is in her 70's, my Dad died a few years ago and up until his dying day they were still playing a game of cat and mouse with each other, constantly bickering and never truly recovering from the affairs while still half arsedly trying to be together. Both were extremely unhappy their whole lives.
And now my Mum feels as if she wasted her life and feels like she's too old to do anything better. She often uses the excuse that she forgave him because that's just what you do when you're married and that she couldn't imagine allowing another man into her liuses or because they had been together so long she didn't want to throw away what they had. She even uses the excuse she was thinking of us, her children. But that's a
crappy excuse cause what we heard and witnessed was worse than if she had left him for good and found her happiness.
Sorry for the long post, I just get wound up whenever I hear of cheating. Just know you deserve better than someone who doesn't offer you the decency of respect and loyalty. That's the bare minimum of any relationship.
so he hasn’t had a phone for about 2/3 weeks now however we are upgrading this week I can log into his social media’s anytime but that doesn’t mean anything to me personally. He has made more of an effort, we haven’t had rows tbh I’m to angry and hurt to scream and shout but he does know when to leave me alone for a bit x
. I hope your mums okay I can understand completely why she did that but it could never be me if he blows this chance were done for good. I do love him and most of the time our relationship is good, I don’t know what I want anymore x
