Heartbreak.

[Eyerollbrainache]

Yes I'm waiting around but I have nothing else to do. I'm not going anywhere. I want to stay in this house if I can, I love it here. If he decides in 6 months time that he wants to come back I'd let him. I'm certainly not going to be looking for another relationship after being with him for so long. It's not a matter of moving on for me, it's a case of learning to cope with my new life for the time being. I can't move on just like that after 13 years when I know that the person I love isn't well. I know that everyone will tell me I need to move on but it's only been 6/7 weeks since I've had the biggest shock of my life and I'm still processing it.

You are doing just fine as you are right now like you said, you're learning to live this new way, with no intention of making a new life/moving on just yet. You know your husband, not us, so if you really feel like he's not well, then only you can make the choice to stay around. It's been 6/7 weeks and we are in a pandemic. You are handling it as well as you can right now (which I think your doing OK ) xx

 

[LateG0ssiper]

But for how long are you going to put your life and happiness on hold for him? 6 months? A year? 5 years? 10? While he does what? Goes to therapy? Moves on with his life? Starts a new relationship?
If he’s mentally unwell that’s obviously something that he needs to sort out but you seriously cannot just put your whole life on hold for something that may never be sorted or for a man who may never be the same again or who may never want to come back.

Of course not years! But like I said, I'm hardly putting anything on hold. I have no life at the moment other than going to work and sorting out my house so I will continue with that regardless.

You are doing just fine as you are right now like you said, you're learning to live this new way, with no intention of making a new life/moving on just yet. You know your husband, not us, so if you really feel like he's not well, then only you can make the choice to stay around. It's been 6/7 weeks and we are in a pandemic. You are handling it as well as you can right now (which I think your doing OK ) xx

Thank you

 

[Eyerollbrainache]

But for how long are you going to put your life and happiness on hold for him? 6 months? A year? 5 years? 10? While he does what? Goes to therapy? Moves on with his life? Starts a new relationship?
If he’s mentally unwell that’s obviously something that he needs to sort out but you seriously cannot just put your whole life on hold for something that may never be sorted or for a man who may never be the same again or who may never want to come back.

I know you're trying to be helpful, but honestly you're coming across very blunt. She's already said she's waiting and struggling, asking a time line won't help. It's great if this is how you moved on, but that's not for everyone.

Same for not changing religion/husband leaving etc everyone on here is doing the best they can for now, and at different stages. Life is hard right now, we can't see people like we used to do, or shop for new clothes or go out to eat. Typical normal breakup things. I never would have said I would handle the past year as I have, but when it came to it, I did my best. That's all anyone can do on here. Xx

 

[BettyCrockerr]

I know you're trying to be helpful, but honestly you're coming across very blunt. She's already said she's waiting and struggling, asking a time line won't help. It's great if this is how you moved on, but that's not for everyone.

Same for not changing religion/husband leaving etc everyone on here is doing the best they can for now, and at different stages. Life is hard right now, we can't see people like we used to do, or shop for new clothes or go out to eat. Typical normal breakup things. I never would have said I would handle the past year as I have, but when it came to it, I did my best. That's all anyone can do on here. Xx

Sorry if that’s how it comes across but im
Not going to just pretend that it’s perfectly ok for men to just walk out of long term relationships, fanny around doing whatever they fancy, treat women like dog crap, string women along and just generally act like absolute arseholes while the women sit back telling each other that “it’s all
Going to be ok/he will come back/I’m sure he loves you” etc etc etc - ive seen too many good women absolutely destroyed by men who clearly do not give a tit! Stop putting the power into the hands of men - men who show by their actions that they don’t care!!

Regarding the asshat who is using his religion to string someone along..... no. That’s madness “oh I love you but we can NEVER be together because of “god” yknow so...... but I love you..... and I will continue to play with your emotions forever more and never allow you to move on and be happy BECAUSE I LOVE YOU” - nah mate. That’s called gaslighting & coercive control - and it’s bullshit.

 

[grannypants]

Been reading this thread this morning and it’s so sad.

It seems like lockdown destroyed a lot of relationships - it nearly destroyed mine.

My boyfriend of two years broke up with me in early May last year, completely out of the blue. We hadnt seen each other in six weeks due to lockdown. He had text me in the morning saying he loved me, then in the evening he broke up with me. I was completely blindsided.

I was absolutely heartbroken, couldn’t eat or sleep for days. Everything I knew had changed, our future together and my happiness was gone.
My mum was really worried about me, she really looked after me. (How amazing are mums I love her and I’m so grateful for her)

He broke up with me over the phone on the Monday and I didn’t contact again him at all, which was really hard and I kept stalking his whatsapp and Facebook to see if he was online. Then on the Saturday night he text me asking if I was okay. We spoke on the phone and he cried a lot and said how terrible he felt and how sorry he was. We ended up meeting the next day and decided to get back together but take things slow.

I won’t go into the details of why it happened because it’s personal for him, but lockdown really affected him badly, he was living alone and didn’t have any social contact for over a month. He was also working from home in a job he hated that really stressed him out. The day we broke up he had the worst day at work and his mental health was all over the place. It didn’t help that I was furloughed so I had nothing to do but miss him.
It’s so sad for me to look back on now as it was an awful time for both of us.

We’re still together now and doing really well, we’re even buying a house together. It took a long time for me to completely trust that he wouldn’t turn around and break up with me again though.

I really sympathise with everyone on this thread, it’s so sad reading all your stories and I know how you feel. Big hugs to everyone

 

[LateG0ssiper]

Been reading this thread this morning and it’s so sad.

It seems like lockdown destroyed a lot of relationships - it nearly destroyed mine.

My boyfriend of two years broke up with me in early May last year, completely out of the blue. We hadnt seen each other in six weeks due to lockdown. He had text me in the morning saying he loved me, then in the evening he broke up with me. I was completely blindsided.

I was absolutely heartbroken, couldn’t eat or sleep for days. Everything I knew had changed, our future together and my happiness was gone.
My mum was really worried about me, she really looked after me. (How amazing are mums I love her and I’m so grateful for her)

He broke up with me over the phone on the Monday and I didn’t contact again him at all, which was really hard and I kept stalking his whatsapp and Facebook to see if he was online. Then on the Saturday night he text me asking if I was okay. We spoke on the phone and he cried a lot and said how terrible he felt and how sorry he was. We ended up meeting the next day and decided to get back together but take things slow.

I won’t go into the details of why it happened because it’s personal for him, but lockdown really affected him badly, he was living alone and didn’t have any social contact for over a month. He was also working from home in a job he hated that really stressed him out. The day we broke up he had the worst day at work and his mental health was all over the place. It didn’t help that I was furloughed so I had nothing to do but miss him.
It’s so sad for me to look back on now as it was an awful time for both of us.

We’re still together now and doing really well, we’re even buying a house together. It took a long time for me to completely trust that he wouldn’t turn around and break up with me again though.

I really sympathise with everyone on this thread, it’s so sad reading all your stories and I know how you feel. Big hugs to everyone

I'm so sorry that you had to go through that but glad you managed to work things out.

So nice that you had your mum to help you. I think that's one of the reasons I'm finding it so hard, I don't have either of my parents.

 

[Imonlyme]

Yes I'm waiting around but I have nothing else to do. I'm not going anywhere. I want to stay in this house if I can, I love it here. If he decides in 6 months time that he wants to come back I'd let him. I'm certainly not going to be looking for another relationship after being with him for so long. It's not a matter of moving on for me, it's a case of learning to cope with my new life for the time being. I can't move on just like that after 13 years when I know that the person I love isn't well. I know that everyone will tell me I need to move on but it's only been 6/7 weeks since I've had the biggest shock of my life and I'm still processing it.

You do have something else to do. You have your life to live. Maybe there is a way you could stay in your house. But personally I think you're clinging onto a life that's no longer available to you, but you're completely unwilling to let go even though he has.

You say that in 6 months time if he decides, that you'll let him come back. You've given entire control of both your life, your mind and your emotions to a man that left you so callously. In 6 months time you might be different and so angry at the way he's treated you that you won't take him back. Waiting around and actively putting your life on hold for that long is only going to make you more vulnerable and willing to accept whatever selfish morsel he gives you, and that will only end in disaster.

No-one said anything about you getting into another relationship. That isn't what moving on means. I would never tell anyone to just hop into another relationship after being hurt the way you have. By moving on I mean finding out who you are, and what makes you tick. Your life doesn't have to and shouldn't revolve around a man. I don't care if you're married or not. Your happiness and stability should not rest on the shoulders of another person. If you can't be happy and content on your own then no relationship you enter into will ever work.

It's not that your husband isn't well, it's that something in life has changed for him and now he's decided he wants something different and you have to accept that. But while I say that, being married isn't an excuse to put up with bad or selfish behaviour. It doesn't permit your partner to treat you so cold and cruelly just because you have been together so long. By all means, people should work on their relationships and not just leave at the slightest blip, because relationships are work and they take effort, but effort on both parts. It shouldn't be on one person to make it work and fix everything, and if it is, then it's toxic and clearly one person has checked out.

Sorry if this sounds harsh, but it's true. You may still be processing all that happened and that's fine. But you should still be trying to accept that he's left. Otherwise, you're doing yourself no favours. Cry, be angry, get frustrated but also look back over your relationship. Take off the rose tinted heartbroken glasses and really look. It wasn't all that perfect, something clearly wasn't working. There would have been signs dotted all through your entire time together, even small signs you could easily have missed. No one leaves a perfect relationship. No one leaves if they're happy. Even going through a breakdown, if you still love your partner you would stay and be thankful for their support.

You just sound like you are hellbent on having him come back no matter what the cost to your own emotions and well being. Even if he does somehow come back, it will never be the same and deep down you know that. You're just not ready to admit it yet.

 

[Eyerollbrainache]

Sorry if that’s how it comes across but im
Not going to just pretend that it’s perfectly ok for men to just walk out of long term relationships, fanny around doing whatever they fancy, treat women like dog crap, string women along and just generally act like absolute arseholes while the women sit back telling each other that “it’s all
Going to be ok/he will come back/I’m sure he loves you” etc etc etc - ive seen too many good women absolutely destroyed by men who clearly do not give a tit! Stop putting the power into the hands of men - men who show by their actions that they don’t care!!

Regarding the asshat who is using his religion to string someone along..... no. That’s madness “oh I love you but we can NEVER be together because of “god” yknow so...... but I love you..... and I will continue to play with your emotions forever more and never allow you to move on and be happy BECAUSE I LOVE YOU” - nah mate. That’s called gaslighting & coercive control - and it’s bullshit.

But no one is saying its OK. No one is pretending its fine. No one said let him treat you like crap. You can say 'not my intention' but you're pushing your strong feelings about how someone else should move on.

If you can't be empathic and just listen, then maybe leave the thread because sometimes when tit things happen to people, they just want to feel tit for a while and moan about feeling tit.

No one has said they will place their lives on hold or put these men on pedestals. However, it's not helpful saying 'well when will you move on' because when you are truly in the thick of the tit and sad you can't imagine that day happening.

It's fine to not have a plan when your heart broken, especially just 6 weeks in. It's fine to worry about someone else mental health. It's ok to not be ok sometimes.

And as for the religious part; that really sucks. It's hard and heartbreaking but making out that's he's some narcissist who's manipulating the situation doesn't help. It's just a tit situation and two people who love each other are sad right now. Again, very fresh and they are expressing that they love each other and it hurts still. He won't change his religion, and she won't but that doesn't mean they can't be bleeping sad. It's not always a game or 'stringing someone along'. This thread is a place to talk about your sadness and heartbreak. Not dictate how people should move on and act like 'I am woman, hear me roar'. Maybe a few more months down the line, out of a lockdown it would be helpful but for now, that's not the reality of the fresh heartbreak on this thread.

 

[Imonlyme]

But no one is saying its OK. No one is pretending its fine. No one said let him treat you like crap. You can say 'not my intention' but you're pushing your strong feelings about how someone else should move on.

If you can't be empathic and just listen, then maybe leave the thread because sometimes when tit things happen to people, they just want to feel tit for a while and moan about feeling tit.

No one has said they will place their lives on hold or put these men on pedestals. However, it's not helpful saying 'well when will you move on' because when you are truly in the thick of the tit and sad you can't imagine that day happening.

It's fine to not have a plan when your heart broken, especially just 6 weeks in. It's fine to worry about someone else mental health. It's ok to not be ok sometimes.

And as for the religious part; that really sucks. It's hard and heartbreaking but making out that's he's some narcissist who's manipulating the situation doesn't help. It's just a tit situation and two people who love each other are sad right now. Again, very fresh and they are expressing that they love each other and it hurts still. He won't change his religion, and she won't but that doesn't mean they can't be bleeping sad. It's not always a game or 'stringing someone along'. This thread is a place to talk about your sadness and heartbreak. Not dictate how people should move on and act like 'I am woman, hear me roar'. Maybe a few more months down the line, out of a lockdown it would be helpful but for now, that's not the reality of the fresh heartbreak on this thread.

I get what you're saying, but I also get the point of the other poster. I honestly don't think she is trying to be harsh, but some people just are blunt, it's who they are.

Heartbreak is awful, crushing and can leave you in a tailspin for quite some time. There's no timeline or manual for how long it takes to get over it, or even how to get over it smoothly. But all we are trying to say is while you're crying and feeling all of your emotions at once, remember to look out for yourself and don't place your happiness in the hands of someone else.

It's absolutely fine to want that person back and it's perfectly normal to miss them. But while doing so, also consider if the relationship really was working. If you truly were happy or will be again if you get back together.

Lockdown would be hard on any couple, and the previous poster who managed to salvage her relationship is an exception, not the rule. Her boyfriend broke up with her because he was overwhelmed with many things including Lockdown, but as soon as he realised what he had done, he contacted her and made it clear from the get go that he wanted her back. There were no games or head fucks going on. For a lot of the posters on this thread going through a breakup, there have been many mind games and emotional manipulations going in and that's not right and shouldn't be accepted no matter what you're going through. But if your relationship can't make it through Lockdown then maybe it wasn't meant to be anyway. Maybe Lockdown showed what the relationship actually
was and it wouldn't have worked anyway, in which case you had a lucky escape.

Toxic relationships, including the one with ourselves should never be tolerated because the damage they can do can be so devastating and extremely hard to come back from. I'm 100 percent saying this from experience. No woman should waste her life waiting and endlessly hoping for a scrap of love from a man who doesn't care.

Like I've said before, be sad, cry all your tears, get mad, but behind all of that, make sure you keep your wits about you and don't get taken for a ride.

 

[BettyCrockerr]

But no one is saying its OK. No one is pretending its fine. No one said let him treat you like crap. You can say 'not my intention' but you're pushing your strong feelings about how someone else should move on.

If you can't be empathic and just listen, then maybe leave the thread because sometimes when tit things happen to people, they just want to feel tit for a while and moan about feeling tit.

No one has said they will place their lives on hold or put these men on pedestals. However, it's not helpful saying 'well when will you move on' because when you are truly in the thick of the tit and sad you can't imagine that day happening.

It's fine to not have a plan when your heart broken, especially just 6 weeks in. It's fine to worry about someone else mental health. It's ok to not be ok sometimes.

And as for the religious part; that really sucks. It's hard and heartbreaking but making out that's he's some narcissist who's manipulating the situation doesn't help. It's just a tit situation and two people who love each other are sad right now. Again, very fresh and they are expressing that they love each other and it hurts still. He won't change his religion, and she won't but that doesn't mean they can't be bleeping sad. It's not always a game or 'stringing someone along'. This thread is a place to talk about your sadness and heartbreak. Not dictate how people should move on and act like 'I am woman, hear me roar'. Maybe a few more months down the line, out of a lockdown it would be helpful but for now, that's not the reality of the fresh heartbreak on this thread.

I’m sorry but you are deluded if you believe what you’ve said here. He of course is stringing her along! He’s trying to manipulate her to do what he wants (convert to his religion) and he’s using his emotional hold over her to do do. How you you not see that? How is it fair on her to say he loves her but he won’t be with her when he knows how she feels? It’s cruel. I may sound harsh but at least im not passively sitting her telling women absolute lies so they keep allowing men who don’t want them to have control over them.

 

[under the ivy]

I know how you feel @LateG0ssiper, every time I go out now all I seem to see are couples holding hands, walking around I lived with my ex but I moved out when he dumped me. I registered with a dentist near his house... not thinking we would split up and it's in walking distance from his house. I've got an appointment there next week as coming across a dentist that allows new patients is rare these days. I am dreading it! Going down the roads I used to walk down when I lived with him, I'm terrified of bumping into him

I know he doesn't own the suburb of the city we both live in but it will be first time I'm going there after almost a year.

 

[LateG0ssiper]

I know how you feel @LateG0ssiper, every time I go out now all I seem to see are couples holding hands, walking around I lived with my ex but I moved out when he dumped me. I registered with a dentist near his house... not thinking we would split up and it's in walking distance from his house. I've got an appointment there next week as coming across a dentist that allows new patients is rare these days. I am dreading it! Going down the roads I used to walk down when I lived with him, I'm terrified of bumping into him

I know he doesn't own the suburb of the city we both live in but it will be first time I'm going there after almost a year.

That's tough, sorry that you're having to do that. Try and be confident and think positively about something else. Good luck and try to get yourself on a waiting list for another dentist!

 

[grannypants]

I'm so sorry that you had to go through that but glad you managed to work things out.

So nice that you had your mum to help you. I think that's one of the reasons I'm finding it so hard, I don't have either of my parents.

That must be so hard for you. Sending lots of love to you

 

[gigi_93]

Been reading this thread this morning and it’s so sad.

It seems like lockdown destroyed a lot of relationships - it nearly destroyed mine.

My boyfriend of two years broke up with me in early May last year, completely out of the blue. We hadnt seen each other in six weeks due to lockdown. He had text me in the morning saying he loved me, then in the evening he broke up with me. I was completely blindsided.

I was absolutely heartbroken, couldn’t eat or sleep for days. Everything I knew had changed, our future together and my happiness was gone.
My mum was really worried about me, she really looked after me. (How amazing are mums I love her and I’m so grateful for her)

He broke up with me over the phone on the Monday and I didn’t contact again him at all, which was really hard and I kept stalking his whatsapp and Facebook to see if he was online. Then on the Saturday night he text me asking if I was okay. We spoke on the phone and he cried a lot and said how terrible he felt and how sorry he was. We ended up meeting the next day and decided to get back together but take things slow.

I won’t go into the details of why it happened because it’s personal for him, but lockdown really affected him badly, he was living alone and didn’t have any social contact for over a month. He was also working from home in a job he hated that really stressed him out. The day we broke up he had the worst day at work and his mental health was all over the place. It didn’t help that I was furloughed so I had nothing to do but miss him.
It’s so sad for me to look back on now as it was an awful time for both of us.

We’re still together now and doing really well, we’re even buying a house together. It took a long time for me to completely trust that he wouldn’t turn around and break up with me again though.

I really sympathise with everyone on this thread, it’s so sad reading all your stories and I know how you feel. Big hugs to everyone

Lockdown really has messed with everything. I absolutely blame covid and all it’s bullshit for my breakup. I mean of course I blame him too for breaking up with me but it wouldn’t have happened without travel bans. I’m glad everything worked out for you!

 

[Eyerollbrainache]

I’m sorry but you are deluded if you believe what you’ve said here. He of course is stringing her along! He’s trying to manipulate her to do what he wants (convert to his religion) and he’s using his emotional hold over her to do do. How you you not see that? How is it fair on her to say he loves her but he won’t be with her when he knows how she feels? It’s cruel. I may sound harsh but at least im not passively sitting her telling women absolute lies so they keep allowing men who don’t want them to have control over them.

No one is telling them lies. There's a difference between letting people vent and talk about their sadness, or calling people's relationships tit/controlling/rubbish.

And I'm not deluded. I just believe in letting people express their feelings without shouting down their relationships. I haven't told anyone to give anyone a chance. I haven't given any false hope. I also haven't been harsh and told people to get over themselves. It's called just listening.

I get what you're saying, but I also get the point of the other poster. I honestly don't think she is trying to be harsh, but some people just are blunt, it's who they are.

Heartbreak is awful, crushing and can leave you in a tailspin for quite some time. There's no timeline or manual for how long it takes to get over it, or even how to get over it smoothly. But all we are trying to say is while you're crying and feeling all of your emotions at once, remember to look out for yourself and don't place your happiness in the hands of someone else.

It's absolutely fine to want that person back and it's perfectly normal to miss them. But while doing so, also consider if the relationship really was working. If you truly were happy or will be again if you get back together.

Lockdown would be hard on any couple, and the previous poster who managed to salvage her relationship is an exception, not the rule. Her boyfriend broke up with her because he was overwhelmed with many things including Lockdown, but as soon as he realised what he had done, he contacted her and made it clear from the get go that he wanted her back. There were no games or head fucks going on. For a lot of the posters on this thread going through a breakup, there have been many mind games and emotional manipulations going in and that's not right and shouldn't be accepted no matter what you're going through. But if your relationship can't make it through Lockdown then maybe it wasn't meant to be anyway. Maybe Lockdown showed what the relationship actually
was and it wouldn't have worked anyway, in which case you had a lucky escape.

Toxic relationships, including the one with ourselves should never be tolerated because the damage they can do can be so devastating and extremely hard to come back from. I'm 100 percent saying this from experience. No woman should waste her life waiting and endlessly hoping for a scrap of love from a man who doesn't care.

Like I've said before, be sad, cry all your tears, get mad, but behind all of that, make sure you keep your wits about you and don't get taken for a ride.

There's a difference between wasting your life away waiting for a man to come back and being 6 weeks out of a 11/13 year relationship and expressing that you are sad and struggling. This is a thread for heartbreak not' how to move on'. When that time comes, I'm sure the thread will change but while people are actively talking about the sadness and heartbreak 'pull your big girl knickers up' isn't going to help. Again, this isn't a toxic relationship thread. It's a heartbreak one. There's a difference.

Anyway, I cba to argue it. All I was saying is this isn't the current place and time to say to move on etc. No one has suggested anyone stay in a tit situation either.

 

[BettyCrockerr]

Lockdown really has messed with everything. I absolutely blame covid and all it’s bullshit for my breakup. I mean of course I blame him too for breaking up with me but it wouldn’t have happened without travel bans. I’m glad everything worked out for you!

But if your relationship wasn’t strong enough to withstand covid travel bans when the two of you were having a long distance thing anyway and were used to having a relationship conducted over text messages and FaceTimes then it’s clear that it just wasn’t meant to be. He didn’t even try dude - he just ditched you and is merrily going along with his own life as he always has been as if it never happened. You can’t blame covid for this guy being a colossal prick.

 

[gigi_93]

But if your relationship wasn’t strong enough to withstand covid travel bans when the two of you were having a long distance thing anyway and were used to having a relationship conducted over text messages and FaceTimes then it’s clear that it just wasn’t meant to be. He didn’t even try dude - he just ditched you and is merrily going along with his own life as he always has been as if it never happened. You can’t blame covid for this guy being a colossal prick.

With respect I am not replying to you for a reason

 

[hello479]

I think it’s just really hard to accept as part of the process that maybe our partners weren’t the people we thought they were. Yes I recognise my marriage wasn’t perfect but we had been together a long time and I’ve always thought a marriage will take work and you’ll never sit back and think it’s perfect, but I think I’m mostly sad about this being reality and thinking what could’ve been. Half the day I spend crying about missing him and wishing this was all a bad dream, and then the other half I’m angry and thinking I’m a strong independent woman who doesn’t need a man for now!

 

[Imonlyme]

No one is telling them lies. There's a difference between letting people vent and talk about their sadness, or calling people's relationships tit/controlling/rubbish.

And I'm not deluded. I just believe in letting people express their feelings without shouting down their relationships. I haven't told anyone to give anyone a chance. I haven't given any false hope. I also haven't been harsh and told people to get over themselves. It's called just listening.



There's a difference between wasting your life away waiting for a man to come back and being 6 weeks out of a 11/13 year relationship and expressing that you are sad and struggling. This is a thread for heartbreak not' how to move on'. When that time comes, I'm sure the thread will change but while people are actively talking about the sadness and heartbreak 'pull your big girl knickers up' isn't going to help. Again, this isn't a toxic relationship thread. It's a heartbreak one. There's a difference.

Anyway, I cba to argue it. All I was saying is this isn't the current place and time to say to move on etc. No one has suggested anyone stay in a tit situation either.

At absolutely no point have I suggested for anyone to "put their big girl pants on" and neither did I say that she or anyone else couldn't be sad. I have suggested that she tries to accept that her relationship is over while going through her sadness. And that is just being realistic and smart.

Going through the hurt and sadness of heartbreak is one thing, but it is also a time where you have to be careful not to allow yourself to be in a position where you could be taken advantage of, which in the long run can be seriously damaging. Going through heartbreak is a stage of moving on whether you want to believe it or not. If a partner leaves you and says he's done, then you have no other option but to move on. You can't and shouldn't try to force a relationship to work that just isn't. That isn't love

Sure, it's sad when relationships end, but the reality is that sometimes they do end. Someone can love you for years then something in life or in them changes and then they just don't. It's harsh and completely devastating, but it's the truth of the matter.

If you're in a relationship where you just couldn't or can't cope mentally, physically or financially without them, then you have absolutely no business being in a relationship. That's dependency, not love.

By all means be with someone, but also make sure that you're comfortable being alone. You said this isn't a toxic relationship thread, but some of the posters on here have said things that show massive red flags of their situation being toxic. Should we just slide on past that and let a woman who may not even know she's being used or manipulated just carry on into a situation that could go horribly wrong? Or should we be grown ups and gently point out something she may not have realised? I know which side of the fence I'm sitting on when it comes to that. If I can do it, I will always try to steer a woman out of a toxic situation.

No one on here is arguing, we are all just making points. It's a public forum that allows us all to express our feelings and our thoughts.

 

[Clairer86]

Sorry if that’s how it comes across but im
Not going to just pretend that it’s perfectly ok for men to just walk out of long term relationships, fanny around doing whatever they fancy, treat women like dog crap, string women along and just generally act like absolute arseholes while the women sit back telling each other that “it’s all
Going to be ok/he will come back/I’m sure he loves you” etc etc etc - ive seen too many good women absolutely destroyed by men who clearly do not give a tit! Stop putting the power into the hands of men - men who show by their actions that they don’t care!!

Regarding the asshat who is using his religion to string someone along..... no. That’s madness “oh I love you but we can NEVER be together because of “god” yknow so...... but I love you..... and I will continue to play with your emotions forever more and never allow you to move on and be happy BECAUSE I LOVE YOU” - nah mate. That’s called gaslighting & coercive control - and it’s bullshit.

Tbh, i love how blunt you are.

I honestly wish i had someone like you when i was going through my heartbreak.
At the time i wouldnt have liked it as i was too wrapped up in heartbreak and hoping, but everything you have said is spot on.